Thursday December 20
“You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds.” - Jonah Hill (December 20, 1983; age 29)
The X Factor (8PM, FOX; Finale) Khloé and Mario announce the winner; performances by One Direction and Pitbull.
That sounds like everybody is a loser.
A White House Christmas: First Families Remember (8PM, NBC) First families share holiday memories from their time in the White House; the staff prepares for the holiday season.
Everybody else has a reality show. Why not give one to the White House staff. And in season three they can write in a mole.
I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown! (8PM, ABC) Lucy and Linus’ little brother, ReRun, turns to Snoopy and Spike for holiday cheer.
If it wasn’t for the Star Wars Holiday Special this may be the most ridiculous holiday episode of any show. It’s like if Angelina Jolie adopted a kid, said, “This is more trouble than it’s worth,” and returned it.
San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl I Shit You Not (8PM ET, ESPN) BYU Cougars vs. San Diego State Aztecs
If San Diego State wanted to take full advantage of this national television spot they would have changed their mascot name to the Mayans. This is why I need to be put in charge of something.
Project Runway All Stars (9PM, Lifetime) The final six designers must create looks for one of three vintage 1920s events.
Two get stuck with the Great Depression and must pull from the Derelict collection. Just relax.
The Real Housewives of Miami (10PM, Bravo; Finale) They return to Miami with determination to improve their lives.
And the world record for shortest New Year’s Resolution goes to…
NBA Basketball (9:30PM ET, TNT) Dallas Mavericks vs. Miami Heat
Remember the good old days, when LeBron didn’t have a ring.
Jersey Shore (10PM, MTV; Finale) The roommates prepare to say their last goodbyes.
This train finally comes to a stop 50 feet underground. Like former MTV casts, I’m sure they will go on to do logical things. Like judge Britain’s Got Talent.
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (10PM, FX; Finale) Frank and Dennis present their cases to the rest of the gang at Paddy’s.
Judging by Charlie Day’s obsession with Law and Order, this definitely has the makings of a parody episode.
The League (10:30PM, FX; 2 Episodes; Finale) Taco challenges the mall Santa.
I hope Taco doesn’t have a sexting video for Santa on his Samsung.
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