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“You can’t call anybody anymore. If you call someone, they’re like, ‘What? Are you on fire? Then quit wasting my time. Text me that shit.’” – Aziz Ansari (February 23, 1983; age 30)
Next week, I will be traveling back to New York by car or in other words going back to my Jalley. (Inside joke, sorry) So as I spend the week going cross-country I will be leaving you but when I’m back and settled, I’ll be back at full strength. Think of it as Coach Popovich resting his starters. So as a send off into my hiautus, here’s the weekend’s Top 10.
Friday February 22
Spartacus: War of the Damned (9PM, Starz) Crassus uses a long-abandoned form of Roman punishment to teach his soldiers a brutal lesson.
Ancient Roman punishment? So do you mean it’s a Greek punishment?
Saturday February 23
Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best? (9PM, WE) Joan’s new friendship.
Well, her old friends are probably dead.
NickMom Night Out (10PM, Nick Jr.) Karinda Dobbins; Helen Keaney; Tom Shillue; Mary Lynn Rajskub.
After years of watching Dora the Explorer, Max and Ruby, Oswald, Fresh Beat Band, Wonder Pets, Backyardigans, Blue’s Clues, Go Diego Go, Ni Hao, Kai-Lan, Yo Gabba Gabba… you’re gonna need to start off with a double and a shot and a beer to chase it down.
Sunday February 24
The Amazing Race (8PM, CBS) A fear of water sends one team into a panic in Bora Bora.
It’s Oscar night; I smell a non-elimination leg.
The Oscars (8:30PM ET, ABC) Seth MacFarlane hosts.
In actuality, Brian hosts with special guests Peter, Stewie, Ted, Roger, Stan…
The Walking Dead (9PM, AMC) Rick and the group must make a choice when security is threatened.
“Maybe being a zombie ain’t so bad. Keeping Up with the Kardashians will be more enjoyable.”
Girls (9PM, HBO) Hanna and Jessa travel upstate to visit Jessa’s father.
I fully support Hanna’s desire to walk around the house naked. But does it have to be my house?
Shameless (9PM, Showtime) Fiona is desperate to get the children back after the Department of Family Services hauls them away.
Do you have a song for this occasion? …Oh, it’s not Fiona Apple. Then uhh, steal them?
Mob Wives (10PM, VH1) Renee comes back from rehab.
I guess she said, “No,No, No.”
Californication (10:30PM, Showtime) The boys board Air Force 69 with Atticus Fetch.
Where can I find all these loose women? Are they on these 300 dating sites advertised on Facebook?
Save my seat while I’m away. But keep Chooch company over on our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/TVGasm
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