Tonight’s Top Ten Shows: Weekend Edition

Saturday, May 19

Dallas Comic Con is this weekend. Guests include Patrick Stewart, John de Lancie, Summer Glau, James Marsters, and Peter Mayhew. I want to go to there.

Serial Killer Earth (History International 10pm) Premiere: When Lakes Attack — A tornado tears through a midwest town; a giant wall of snow in Canada sends a tsunami to southeast Asia.

This concept of Earth as a serial killer is going to spin off a whole bunch of new remake/sequels: The Last Earth on the Left, The Earth Has Eyes, Friday the Earthteenth, Nightmare on Earth Street, The People Under the Earth, etc.

Sunday, May 20

The 2012 Billboard Music Awards (ABC 8pm) Festivities at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas recognize artists for the fan support they’ve garnered; musical performances include Carrie Underwood, Justin Bieber, LMFAO and the Wanted; musician Stevie Wonder receives the 2012 Billboard Icon Award.

I’m sure the Wanted will be glad they came.

The Simpsons (Fox 8pm) Finale: Lisa tries to make herself more popular by writing good things about herself on the school blog, but the plan backfires; Lisa helps Lady Gaga and learns the importance of being yourself.

Lisa has learned the importance of being herself several times before, but I guess being 8 years old for over 20 years takes its toll eventually. Maybe she’s hoping to break free from this Groundhog Day existence and finally get to go to college. Renewal status: Renewed, not just for next season, or for the next two seasons, but through the 2014 – 2015 season, at which point it will be twenty-five years old.

They will be on TV even when TV no longer exists.

Bob’s Burgers (Fox 8:30pm) Finale: Bob appears on the local morning show’s cooking segment, but Gene steals the spotlight when he crashes the set in a sasquatch mask.

I’m fairly certain that wearing a sasquatch mask will cause you to steal the spotlight at virtually any venue. The bank, for instance. Or your gynecologist’s office. Renewal status: Renewed (!)(?)

The Celebrity Apprentice (NBC 9pm) Finale: The two finalists must work together on a charity event featuring 10 celebrity performances; the winner is chosen.

This was a really good season, but I’m not going to miss The Donald occupying 30+ minutes of my week butchering the English language and objectifying anything under the age of 30 under the age of 40 under the age of 50 with a pulse and a vagina.

Family Guy (Fox 9pm) Finale: Brian and Stewie respond to viewer mail; Peter encourages Joe to have a one-night stand to get even with Bonnie; Peter has a run-in with the angry chicken.

Apparently the stoner contingent has a lot of clout with the Fox executives. Renewal status: Renewed for two more seasons. I hate people.

Keeping Up With the Kardashians (E! 9pm) Premiere: Kris’s DNA test; Kourtney angers Kim; Bruce gets the family’s attention.

The world’s most famously useless (uselessly famous?) family is back, doing things that the tabloids told us all about six months ago.

Sister Wives (TLC 9pm) Date night is important in a plural marriage; Kody needs to bring his A-game to keep his wives happy.

This has an A-game?

Wilson Phillips: Still Holding On (TV Guide Network 9pm) Finale: After spending time apart, the group decides to get tattooed in honor of their commitment to each other.

The reality television “phenomenon” has officially gone too far.

Mrs. Eastwood & Company (E! 10pm) Premiere: Dina Eastwood considers getting her belly button pierced; Francesca’s feelings about Emile.

Holy smokes, you guys, Clint Eastwood is 81!

What will you be watching this weekend?

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