Top Chef Masters Recap: James Oseland’s Super-Horny Pool Party

26 Comments

1. 1
   Bobbi
   Posted August 24, 2012 at 12:02 pm

   I have watched Top Chef since it began. I wish you would bring Gail Simmons back as a judge, I do not like the judge they have now, and I wish you would bring back Tom Callichio. The show has lost a lot of spark.

2. 2
   roger
   Posted August 24, 2012 at 12:30 pm

   art’s pants at the sushi joint looked like some kind of sadistic chastity girdle

3. 3
   Hbgchick
   Posted August 24, 2012 at 12:49 pm

   “Au Revoir, Ricky Bobby”. LOL!!! Awesome.

   Not sure why it is, but I really can’t (and have never been able to) get into Top Chef Masters. I LOVE Top Chef, but I guess it’s the same reason I prefer to watch college football over the pros. They are all just sooooooo good and professional, seems like there is more ‘excitement’ when folks are just a little less refined.

4. 4
   lindaw205
   Posted August 24, 2012 at 1:14 pm

   I feel the same way, Hbgchick. I don’t feel as vested in who wins or loses for some reason. I’ve taken a big dislike to Art, though, and hope he doesn’t win.

   I’m liking Takashi and would love to try some of his food.

   I don’t like capers, either.

5. 5
   roger
   Posted August 24, 2012 at 1:20 pm

   bobbi~they’ve always had different judges for TC Masters. i haven’t heard that tom, padma or gail won’t be back for TC.

6. 6
   Bobbi
   Posted August 24, 2012 at 1:27 pm

   I’m sorry I had Top Chef and Top Chef Master mixed up. Thanks for the correction.

7. 7
   Bobbi
   Posted August 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm

   I’m sorry, I had top chef and top chef masters mixed up.

8. 8
   sagittariuskim
   Posted August 24, 2012 at 4:33 pm

   Is there some special reason Kerry wasn’t using the blender top?

   I liked Thierry and I’m going miss seeing him and Takashi joking around with each other.

9. 9
   Andyourlittledogtoo
   Posted August 24, 2012 at 7:23 pm

   Holly Madison is Hugh Hefner’s ex-main squeeze and one of the Girls Next Door – I hate that I know that. She does a semi-ditzy blonde schtick and since her split from Hef has a burlesque show in Las Vegas. I don’t know why I am surprised she is kind of a foodie but she seemed to have the ability to judge the food okay. The canape request is probably due to all the hangovers and eating disorders that were no doubt lounging around her pool party that morning.

   I am trying to defend liking you, Art. Please don’t take off your clothes and jump in the pool on TV any more. Thanks.

10. 10
    vallegirl
    Posted August 24, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    Seriously, Art in his Speedo needs to come with a viewer advisory because watching that unprepared could cause PTSD.

11. 11
    Detinha
    Posted August 24, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    Maybe Art was better when he was fat?! Anyway there’s no excuse for Speedos. None whatsoever.

    I can’t believe the French screwed the Madame! He should get his citizenship revoked! They ooked horrible!

    Thanks for the.great recap, msred, and pics minus ArTugg SpeedoMan’s..that one “”made me eyes rain”

12. 12
    TalldrinkofH2O
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 6:06 am

    I think that Art looks FANTASTIC for his age and that he lost 120 pounds. I was surprised that he had so much definition on his midsection and not skads of hanging, loose skin. Good for him that he felt so confident to jump into the water with his swimsuit as he did.
    Those aren’t really speedos that he’s wearing (we used to call them “nuthuggers” when I was a swim league member.) They’re more like the swim “shorts” men used to wear in the early 60′s. They’re not the banana hammocks that Speedos can be. Now THAT really would have been obscene!
    Art is adorable to me. He seems to be everyone’s friend, and there’s naturally going to be a bit of friction between someone like him who is pokey and messy vs. someone like Chris who is all about efficiency, speed and keeping things straight. It’s that “Odd Couple” chemistry.

13. 13
    MisRed
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 6:32 am

    I agree- Art does look fantastic and anyone who loses that amount of weight deserves praise. However, you guys don’t come to TVgasm to hear me praise Art for his weight loss, you come for me to make fun of him in his “nut-hugger” (thanks for the clarification). I used to love Art, but he has slowed worn me down. Plus I’ve worked in the kitchen with people like Art… you do a LOT Of cleaning up after them, and it can be very frustrating. Plus, in a restaurant kitchen it IS all about efficiency and speed- so that the customer gets the food they ordered the way they want it. Odd Couple- YES.

    Plus, I think because all of these Chefs are amazing, they need to pick at any thing that seems like drama….like Art not tying the end of plastic on a speed rack. Regular Top Chef with less seasoned chefs is definitely more dramatic, plus on Top Chef they are playing for money for THEMSELVES. These guys are playing for charity, and not that they want it any less, but it’s not the same.

14. 14
    Detinha
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Talldrink, I don’t know how he lost the weight (bypass and some nip & tuck, maybe?), but he also lost a lot of his adorable bear with it! I used to like him before…
    And no matter how they are called those swimsuit are bad, IMO.

15. 15
    vallegirl
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 9:26 am

    If they’d all gone swimming, or were even lounging by the pool, I’d say bully for Art for feeling so comfortable in his own skin that he’d wear that swimsuit knowing they would all be filmed hanging by the pool but…

    He was the only one. And not only was he the only one who went swimming, they all stood by the side of the pool and waited for him. No one lounged, no one relaxed, they just stood there while Art took his little dip and showed off his slimmer new body and it was, as it always seems to be, about just how awesome Art is.

    And once they had their traumatic interstitial everyone left.

    I always got the stealth jerk vibe off of Art from his first appearance. Like he’s extra super exuberantly “charming” and “funny” and “gracious” when he’s around people he wants to impress and is most likely a hissing viper to those who work for/assist him. He’s always the first to hug the winner/loser, even if he’s not that person’s obvious friend, like he grabbed Thierry before Takashi, or how he and Lorena decided they had to pontificate about what “food” represents to a bunch of food critics.

    So good for him that he lost all the weight, and I mean that sincerely. But foisting your swimsuit clad body on us when the others probably just wanted to get back to the air conditioned hotel but had to stand around watching you pretend you’re Bo Derek is still a dick move.

16. 16
    captain picard
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Love this recap! The “custardy” screencap of stone had me rolling. MisRed you are the best capper since J- Mo, and that is high praise sista .

17. 17
    Heather G
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    I’ve heard that Lorena is a big ol’ lesbian… Is that true??

18. 18
    TalldrinkofH2O
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    Heather G,
    I wondered about that myself when she talked about how, when growing up, she and her friends use to groove to the Indigo Girls . . .
    Vallegirl,
    Interesting perspective on how he could have been holding the other chefs hostage to his pooldip vs. not deterring them from getting back to their rooms (and maybe getting into their swimsuits that they DIDN’T wear underneath their chef coats.) I could see that, especially with a camera crew around. They’d look like dicks if they spoke up and said something along the lines of, “Really, Art? You had to do that right now?”

19. 19
    roger
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    vallegirl~thank you for giving us art. i couldn’t tell if chris was being overbearing with art this week, but in earlier episodes chris seemed accommodating while art semi-humorously bullied him. takashi and chris are my favs. lorena is certainly doing well lately BUT, cat-fight with patricia?

    i agree that MASTERS lacks the drama of TC; the MASTERS motto is “i came here to make friends”. i enjoy seeing these fine craftfolk help each other sometimes. on season 1, rick bayless gets props for seeming to be such a pleasant, helpful obsessive-perfectionist to work with.

    osmond is repulsive.

20. 20
    roger
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    sorry~oseland is the repulsive one

21. 21
    c8h10n4o2
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 6:41 am

    I don’t know if anyone caught it, but there was a one-off competitive cooking show a week or two ago on ABC(?) called Time Machine Chefs, and Art and Chris were both on that as well (along with Ilan) and they seemed to get along reasonably well there. I wonder what the sequence of filming was compared to TCM and if something to do with that show is boiling over (see what I did there?) into this animosity we’re seeing now. It’s on Hulu if you want to watch. Cool concept, but not the best execution. I don’t think the network is going to pick it up for an actual run.

22. 22
    toomuchtv
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    I don’t even like Art all that much (his thinness seems to have brought out his bitchiness), but I give him props for showing up in a swimsuit. Whatever his motives and ego propelled him to do, it was refreshing to see a “real” middle aged body on tv for a change. With the housewives being plastic zombies in face and body I admit it is jarring to see flesh that isn’t pulled within an inch of its capacity (Heather, Heather, Heather). With all the plastic surgery on display constantly on tv, it is still nice to see a body that has some basis in reality. I wish more women would be more confident about showing their faces and bodies as they naturally age. It would be inspiring to alot of their audience. Granted, I don’t want to watch Real Housewives of Ugly Town, but there are still alot of impressive looking people out there that don’t resort to botox or surgery to maintain their looks.

23. 23
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 8:15 am

    I don’t think Art and Chris dislike each other though…I see more of a love-hate relationship with them, where they are so different in their personalities and modus operandi that they can’t help but clash, but they actually do like each other.

    Art’s body didn’t bother me. He’s an older chef who has lost a ton of weight. If there wasn’t some pasty and lightly sagging flesh beneath that chef’s jacket, I’d call shenanigans. And all things considered, he looks gewd.

    Francis Lam’s reaction to Lorena’s dish made me laugh so hard. He completely lost all composure.

    And I wonder why Lorena works for Taco Bell if she’s so anti-obesity. Has she seen their deliciously cheesy but oh so unhealthy menu?

24. 24
    LAC
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Great recap and thank you for the food porn pictures, darling!!

    I wanted to try all the the quickfire challenge food – that made me hungry just watching it.

    James Oseland – my god, I thought we were going to find him under an umbrella trying to grate cheese on that man’s abs. He could have done Living Color’s “Men on food” segment with his eyes closed, the way he was acting.

    Gee, the way Holly was acting about garlic and onion, you would have thought she was performing in Ibsen’s “A doll’s house” and not some bump and grind on stage. I don’t think there are monologues in those shows, right?

    Art’s swimming montage didn’t really bother me. He lost a lot of weight, was genuinely proud, and I have seen guys in Ocean City in speedos. He is a damn Adonis compared to that. He can be irritating and messy, but he would feed you, get you buzzed on drinkies, and catch you up on all the gossip. Girl’s gotta love that.

    I like this group…

25. 25
    Heather G
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Talldrinkofh2o – the Indigo Girls comment made me think that, too! Just got confirmation that she’s been with a much younger girl for quite some time now…

26. 26
    lindaw205
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 2:26 am

    I’m having sort of mixed feelings about Art, now. I didn’t really mind him in A swimsuit because I applaud his weight loss efforts and think he looks pretty good, actually. Just not THAT swimsuit. I was expecting more flabbiness and loose skin, though.

    I just don’t like the way he continuously name drops but I think that maybe it has a lot to do with his own feelings of self esteem. I wonder if he constantly sees himself as the person he introduced in season 1 as the nonprofessionally trained home chef of Oprah and feels he has a lot to prove when up against these formally schooled chefs. Or maybe he’s just a jerk.

    Too bad we can’t get an irate Art to drop in for a comment war.