The critics are James “Pee Wee” Oseland, Ruth Reichl and Krista Simmons, Food Critic for the LA times… who, by the way, looks like she has never eaten.

Food is something you put in your mouth, sometimes chew, and swallow
The Red Team is up first with their Mexican Buffet.
Patricia is the first to present to the judges. She has made a beef and chicken adobo. She also presents Missy’s dish. Critics think Patricia’s dish has bgood flavor and they like Missy’s zucchini dish too- they think it has good heat.
Art presents his Pan de Tres Leches with candied cocoa nibs and tequila caramel sauce. Ok, how did this guy lose 125lbs with food like this? The judges declare it to be “Mexico on a plate.”
Lorena has made ceviche- the critics think it has a weird texture and honestly, ceviche at a buffet?? Buffets are typically foods that can stand up be sitting… forever. But understandably she is trying to elevate things.
In general, Pee Wee wishes the chefs would have turned it up a notch.
The Blue Team presents their Indian Buffet. Or “Booooooooooo-fay” as Theirry calls it.
Here is the general rundown:
Susan has made a chicken dish that is aggressively sweet. She should have marinated it in yogurt.
Clark has made green beans with tomato and goat cheese topped with fried shallots. Critics think the shallots are over powering.
Mark has a curried corn soup with a flat bread. The critics deem that is has “No Indian Flavor.”
Takashi has made a shrimp and salmon Indian dumpling. The Critic think it was ambitious, but heavy and not enough flavor.
Debbie has made a lemon meringue … which is in no way Indian.
Thierry has made a salmon and beef dish, which was tasty, but again, not Indian.
Did they think Indian was merely a suggestion?

Whining in the Wine Room
In the “Whine Room” the Chefs begin to talk about the clientele at the buffets. Chippendales, Pirates, etc. Art notes that he like “The Thunder Down Under…” he’s a sucker for a pretty boy.

I’m back, just in time to do the dishes
Missy comes back and is bummed that she’s injured and, in all likelihood, done. Chris says “This is not the way this is supposed to happen.”
Missy responds “That’s right, I’m supposed to cook a shitty dish.” Keeping her sense of humor!!
The Judges call in The Red Team and welcome Missy back. Missy would like to compete, but she risking her career to cook in her condition just wouldn’t be worth it. SCF (Stone Cold Fox) personally guarantees her a spot in the next Top Chef Masters. Let’s hope Miss Andy Cohen doesn’t can his sweet heiney before Season 5.
If you like it, spread it!:
24 Comments
YAY! Love this show! Loved the recap and loved the Seinfeld’s reference! Breathtaking all around!
Thanks, red!
Lorena Garcia works at Taco Bell
Lorena Garcia was on that sham of a show on NBC, America’s Next Great Restaurant, which awarded the winner his very own restaurant in three locations across the country only to shut them all down within a month after they opened. She was on it with Curtis Stone, Bobby Flay, and Steve Ells of Chipotle Grill. Now, she’s on Taco Bell commercials hawking a direct ripoff of Chipotle’s Burrito Bowls. It’s a small world.
I should have mentioned that she was a judge/”investor” along with Stone, Flay, and Ells.
Yay! Thanks for the great recap. I was really happy to see Art returning, and Thierry too, that’s a french guy I’m proud to see, unlike Ludovic Lefebvre or Eric Ripert who make me ashamed of my country. Go guys!
I wish I could share your enthusiasm for Art. I generally want to nut punch him as soon as I see his face. He comes off as so passive aggressive. There’s always a teeth-baring/smile so he can control the situation, like the way he tried to control Chris then demeans him by saying he’s a “young’un.” Dick.
But Leto, what’s wrong with Ripert? I’ve never heard anything bad about him.
I’m surprised too, Leto, to see Lefebvre and Eric Ripert mentioned together as targets of disdain. Ripert conducts himself very well on camera, from what I have seen of him. Lefebvre is just a douche.
@Vallegirl : He really appears to be full of himself, makes no effort whatsoever to speak english correctly… That said, I only know him from Top Chef, but the way I see it he represents all I hate in the French abroad, he has that attitude that says “I’m better than you”, and I hate that. Maybe that’s just me, but everytime I see him I can’t help but pray that Americans don’t judge the French based on that guy ^^.
It’s funny how we all see things differently, Leto. I think the heavy accent is part of his charm as a French chef working in the United States. I have never thought that he was rude or condescending to contestants on Top Chef, unlike Tom and Padma who both piss me off on a regular basis.
Yeah you’re probably right. The heavy accent doesn’t bother me at all with Florian Belanger, for example (the guy from Cupcake Wars).
I think it was that episode of Top Chef when a girl dared say she didn’t like one of his dish, and was eliminated. I didn’t especially like that girl but the timing was a little too convenient for me. Dunno. Sometimes people just get under your skin for no apparent reason I guess.
But I have to agree, I went a little too far putting him on the same level as Lefebvre ^^.
@Vallegirl, as far as nut-punching Art, you can punch the left one and I will punch the right one. He’s everything in a older gay man that I hate; he’s lecherous, and now that’s he lost all this weight and can see his dick again, he seems to want to hit on every somewhat attractive guy that dares to be in his line of sight. He’s the epitome of what every younger gay man refuses to become as they age.
@Derek Hazelton – you got all of that out of watching Art on Top Chef? Because I missed those scenes I think. Of course that’s not my scene so the subtleties may have gone completely over my head. There are circumstances and types of people that are my bailiwick that I can see right through but have others totally fooled also so I won’t rule that out. But from where I’m sitting I don’t find Art objectionable. The woman who did get sent home tonight irritated the crap outta me so I guess I’m happy with the results of this elimination challenge.
And I honestly think that it would be unfair to eliminate someone based on a wedding cake they had to pull out of their ass in a short period of time with no warning. Unless they made it out of gum drops or poisoned it or it was raw or something, I think they should simply get a disappointed lecture and a slap on the wrist. The challenge itself of making a wedding cake under those circumstances is almost guaranteed to result in failure and the judges know that going in. It’s kind of sadistic. Now, if they chef was given complete leeway in what kind of wedding cake to make but they never are, they are supposed to please the demands of the wedding couple who always wants lot of layers etc. A simple oldfashioned cake is never in the cards in these challenges. So I always give the wedding cake chump a pass in these things. But charred lettuce girl needed to go home immediately.
@Leto – Ripert’s video recaps were actually quite charming. I think he’s just a much more reserved type than the other judges and everyone around him on TC act like he’s the second coming of Escoffier so their behavior toward him can make him seem full of himself. But the idea of a preening, arrogant Buddhist is kind of funy.
If anyone was full of him/herself in the Jamie/Ripert showdown it was she. She was tasked with recreating a dish from a restaurant. Regardless of her personal opinion of the dish. Put your personal ego aside and do the task. She just sniffed her nose at how old fashioned or dated she found the dish and, as we’ve seen in her subsequent appearances, half-assed it to her own detriment.
@Derek (should not press post before I’m finished) are you sure you want to get that close to Art’s nuts? The thing that gets me about him, is he just assumes a certain amount of deference from the others and if he doesn’t receive it, he “chuckles” and “smiles” and makes a bitchy comment then “laughs.” And none of it seems to reach his eyes. He always seems so keenly aware of everyone and everything around him and he just seems cunning and manipulative.
Like the issue with the scallions. I saw it differently than you, MisRed. It didn’t surprise me at all that Art was picking at and belittling Chris since he’d just won the quickfire. So when Art had immunity he made Missy’s dish and, oh look, he needed something Chris had at his station. Rather than ask to take it or split the scallions with Chris, he just took the bowl then tried to guilt Chris into doing without. Art created an issue that didn’t need to exist and then, when Chris lets him have what he no longer needed, Art smarmily comes over and kisses him on the head. He’s awful.
Dammit. The Lettuce Lady comment belonged in the second recap. They are so close together that I mixed them up. Sorry ’bout that.
Okay, I guess I am easily influenced by my peers, but I am starting to feel really skeeved out at the thought of “dirty old man Chef Art.”
I have to disagree about Ripert though. By the accounts that I have heard, he is an excellent guy to work for and is really quite shy. I am a little smitten really.
I think James Oseland looks more like a bird or turtle.
I don’t understand why they sent Art back to the store, they had just complained about how slow he was. Why didn’t they send one of the 30 minute people? Was there some rule that said they couldn’t?
Was it really necessary to keep showing the blood dripping from Missy’s finger?
The guys in the masks were The Jabbawockeez, season 1 winners of America Best Dance Crew.
Sorry everyone, but there will never be anyone like Hubert Keller for me!
@andyourlittledogtoo, I remember the scene where Art was leering at all of the waiters and he just seemed, to me, to be that old guy at the bar that is overly friendly and buying drinks for guys that clearly have no interest in him. And, coupled with his weight loss and what I perceive to be increased confidence, he just seems to be more insufferable and aggressive than he would normally be. I get that he’s a favorite of the TC community and will more than likely be around as a shit-starter, but there’s something about him that just grates on my nerves.
@Derek Hazelton – I never noticed that about him but I shall be paying closer attention now.
@vallegirl : You know what, I think you are completely right. The other judges on Top Chef act like he is god or something, I think that’s exactly what got under my skin. And I even rewatched the episode with Jamie (thanks for the name), and it was actually Tom and Padma who couldn’t get over the fact that she didn’t like the dish.
I will try to find the video recaps of Ripert, maybe seing him without the TC judges will make me see him as he is ^^. Thanks
And for Art, I can see the passive/agressive behavior, but not the “old pervert” thing. I mean he’s like any other guy confronted with almost naked people. Chris couldn’t get over the bikinis, he made remarks about that, and that doesn’t seem to bother anyone. The fact that Art’s gay and turn his remarks and looks towards men doesn’t seem to me more perv than Chris.
I can’t stand Lorena Garcia. I first saw her on America’s Next Great Restaurant and her voice annoyed the crap out of me. Her suggestions were awful. She reminded me of a braying donkey. The only person that was worse was Ernie Ells from Chipotle. He had the nerve to suggest that no one could pronounce Sudhir’s name for his restaurant which was Tiffin Box. The general public had no idea what a chipotle was, let alone how to pronounce it. I was so sorry to see Bobby Flay wrapped up in that mess and I think he was so very sorry as well.
I used to love Tom Colicchio but he has become very angry and dismissive. Padma can pack her knives or other gold digging apparatus and get out.
I still love Top Chef and Top Chef Masters and will continue to watch even though I’m quite jaded.
Love the recap, but where, oh where, is J-Mo?
I thought these comments were amusing. I sense the same things about Art(the passive-aggressive way and the dirty old gay man thing) I am glad to see I am not alone. Isn’t he Oprah’s personal chef or something? I really like the Jampanese guy and I think I like the French chef and Chris. Not to hot on Lorena either-didn’t know a thing about her before. The judges on TCM really irk me-who is this Australian guy and James is SOOOO annoying. Never like Padma either. Thanks.