Top Chef Recap: Boysterous Bitch On Wheels

22 Comments

1. 1
   vallegirl
   Posted December 31, 2012 at 8:17 am

   Reading Hugh’s blog, someone pointed out that there are some Christian sects that also keep kosher. The more you know!

   But I will have to actually defend the lowly foam. Had brunch at Volt over the holidays (more on that later!), because my sister was paying, and I got the tasting menu where one of the dishes featured a foam. It really does work if all you want to do is give the food a subtle taste. Since he wanted to sauce the oyster with both garlic and Parmesan, two pretty strong flavors, the foam made sense since neither would overpower the oyster. Plus, it’s not as spit-like in person and if Bryan Voltaggio uses a foam, it can’t be bad.

   As for Blowsie at the roller derby…if you can rouse Sheldon long enough to look peeved, you’re an awful person. He looks MISERABLE in that picture and it gives me a sad. No one should ever make Sheldon look like that when there isn’t a bag of weed nearby. It’s just cruel.

   Finally, as for Belgians liking blander food, I think the American palate tends to prefer saltier foods in general. Bryan was also dogged about under-seasoning his food but my meal at Volt was not under-seasoned. I just think the preference of the judges on TC is for “bold” flavors and since neither Bryan nor Bart (it would seem) are that kind of chef, the subtler flavors, after eating spicier dishes, can come off as bland. Notice how when not in competition with a jalapeno popper and the spicier beef dish his food isn’t “under-seasoned” in LCK.

2. 2
   crankyguy
   Posted December 31, 2012 at 10:03 am

   there are some Christian sects that also keep kosher.

   It’s true. A few Christian denominations think that the Old Testament is just as important — or even more important since there is more of it — as the New Testament. So, according to their reckoning, if shellfish and pork were not fit to eat over three thousand years ago, then they’re still not.

3. 3
   kczar
   Posted December 31, 2012 at 11:29 am

   “Blowsie collapses in an athletic heap on the couch”. I cracked up when she claimed she had been an athlete her entire life. I agree with you about the oysters. They do look like pleghm. I had them once about *cough* years ago and they were okay, but I don’t see the point. You’re not supposed to chew them, just let them slide down your throat. I can think of better things to do that with.

   Hope you had a great Christmas and planning a kick ass New Year. Love the kitty porn, as usual.

4. 4
   Viane Slice
   Posted December 31, 2012 at 2:21 pm

   Why are Scar and Hughnibrow wearing the same shirt?

5. 5
   thebigcheese
   Posted December 31, 2012 at 3:31 pm

   ive been ignoring the last chance kitchen to forget that cj exists but oh god hes gonna win this thing, isnt he?

6. 6
   TallGirl
   Posted December 31, 2012 at 6:50 pm

   How about as a late Xmas present Blowsie gets ousted next episode and gets to face UniBall in last chance kitchen? They end up in a wrestling match over who’s the coolest and most butch and fall upon some knives killing them both and putting viewers out of their misery??

7. 7
   2muchbravo
   Posted December 31, 2012 at 8:04 pm

   Restaurant Wars is next week maybe she get her chefbian ass handed to her then. We can only hope.

   So cool Moley Micah tweeted to you J-Mo! Good to know he’s go a sense of humor about this.

   Happy New Year Gasmii!

8. 8
   vish
   Posted December 31, 2012 at 10:06 pm

   Great recap! One would think with all of the constant criticisms being heaped upon Stachebear, that that damned curled mustache of his would spontaneously droop in accordance. Is that poor guy serious with that friggin’ facial hair, he’s 32, it’s just…strange, I cannot even begin to fathom what motivates him to daily pursue this \look\, didn’t a character in the Wizard of Oz have such a mustache in the Emerald City or am I mistaken? Even so, it’s painful to rest my eyes upon his woeful visage.

9. 9
   bccampbe
   Posted December 31, 2012 at 10:33 pm

   Did anyone else notice that Josie didn’t ACTUALLY COOK ANYTHING? It’s really easy to blame Sir Barts-a-lot for underseasoning the food, but all she did was the marinade, so at least he actually cooked something. It also seems to me that the marinade should probably play a significant role in seasoning the food, but maybe that’s just me. HATE. JOSIE.

10. 10
    Detinha
    Posted December 31, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    LOVE your recaps, J! I was LMAO at the unimpressed girls!!

    I do think Thumby is just mediocre, but they ‘ll the 3 of them to justify their coming back!

    HAppy Nee Year, everybody! And thank you all for a great 2012 of recaps and comments!

11. 11
    germgurl
    Posted January 1, 2013 at 1:43 am

    Hughnibrow gives me LIFE and makes me smile every time he is on my screen! (Kinda like a J-Mo Recap <3)

12. 12
    aliens.rock
    Posted January 1, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    Thanks J-Mo. Your recap was awesome. I was a little bit worried that I wouldn’t see today as yesterday I chose to read the recap instead of rushing to the pharmacy to get my medication, but… I AM STILL HERE! And I won’t come back from hell to haunt you . I LOVED the picture of Sir Barts-A-Lot slurping oysters next to the sewage drain! I guess I missed it during watchig the show!
    When it comes to eating oysters I must say I don’t have much experience, as I have been vegetarian for the last 20 years. IMO oysters, the best steak, and monkey balls are equally unfit to eat.I understand people have the right to be squimish, but if you can eat carcass of one being, you should just go ahead and try everything. You are a carnivore, or you are not…

13. 13
    crankyguy
    Posted January 1, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    Ah, the sewage discharge . . . good job, it looks like it’s really there.

14. 14
    JimbobJones
    Posted January 1, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    As someone who LOVES oysters, I was totally jealous of them this episode. Good news is, I’ll probably be making my way up to Seattle in a couple of months, where I’ll be whoring out on oysters until I drop. (Especially since they went and closed Drakes Bay Oyster Farm in Norcal. I once ate an oyster raw whose shell was _literally_ the length of my wife’s shoe. And, no, I’m not using that word wrong.)

    Awesome recap as usual, J-Mo. It’s still a sad situation when friggin’ Thumby is the returning chef that I dislike the least. Poor Hater-tots doesn’t stand a chance as “most hated” this season, with all the douchebags that are in the competition (or half-bags in Uniball’s case).

    Has anyone else noticed how much, with the curled mustache, StacheBear’s nose looks like a penis? Just look at the photo, completing the curves of the ‘stache. Total balls situation there. Which would make his mouth the a**hole, and explain why so much sh*t keeps coming out of it.

    I would say something funny, but now that the Commentgasms are over, I don’t need to be funny except once this month. Maybe twice, to stack the deck.

15. 15
    AliceinPopLand
    Posted January 2, 2013 at 12:44 am

    I really hope I’m not the only one that actually screamed “wtf!” at their tv when that crazy bitch blow-hard didnt go home.

16. 16
    JimbobJones
    Posted January 2, 2013 at 1:09 am

    @Alice — Yes. Yes you are.

    I had long passed yelling, and was beating my TV with a stick. Silly noob.

17. 17
    CrazyTrain
    Posted January 2, 2013 at 9:03 am

    NSYNC shoutout!!

18. 18
    juddfan
    Posted January 2, 2013 at 5:11 pm

    @JimbobJones, you’ve nailed it . . . there is something about Stashbear I can’t tear my eyes away from, so besides penis face, and his entitled self-delusion, it’s train-wreck city, and I’m the lookie-loo!!!

    Always great to read you, Mr. Mo!!! Hope you had an excellent holiday season, you’ve obviously been busy with photoshop too, loved the giant wave!!! hee . . .

    and @ Alice . . . myOmy, I was so surprised . . .. it was just edited like a complete, “see ya, blowsie” I was shocked beyond!!!

19. 19
    Tom
    Posted January 2, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    As always great recap. I just realized that Bart’s name is Bart Vandaele, strangely similar to George Costanza’s alias Art Vandaele.

20. 20
    TVKimmy
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 7:30 am

    I think I sprained my finger flipping Blowhard off every time she appeared.

21. 21
    vallegirl
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 8:09 am

    It must be said: Blowsie is the return of Fleasa.

22. 22
    joy
    Posted January 9, 2013 at 7:13 pm

    I abhor Josie. I cannot listen to her voice. I cannot WAIT until she is eliminated!