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Monday, December 17, 2012
6:18 am
17 Comments
Tagged: aebleskiver, anna faris, Bart Vandaele, bravo, Brooke Williamson, carrots are evil, cheese Danish, chef, Chris Pratt, competition, cooking, Danyele McPherson, Eliza Gavin, Entourage, everybody loves aebleskiver, fucking product placement, Gail Simmons, J-Mo, John Tesar, Josh Valentine, Josh Valentine can't cook pork, Josie Smith-Malave, Kristen Kish, lame actors, Last Chance Kitchen, Lizzie Binder, Marilyn Hagerty, Micah Fields, old white ladies, padma lakshmi, Parks & Recreation, reality, reality tv, recap, recaps, Rick Moonen, seattle, Sheldon Simeon, shitty sugar substitutes, show, Stefan Richter, tom colicchio, top chef, top chef masters, Top Chef Seattle, TV, tvgasm
Disgusted, they move on to Lizzie Borden…
and her sunken soufflé
Scar brings up the fact that Lizzie was the first one with the knife, and Lizzie says yis, but she tried to get everything done as quickly as possible so the others did not have to come to her begging and saying “I want the knife…”
pleeeeease
Here comes Stoner Sheldon with some more munchie-tastics…
umpah lumpia
Ah but here’s the one we’ve really been waiting for… because MeeMaw has arrived at Moley’s station, where she looks dubiously at his dish and haltingly says he’s created something… rather… unusual…
maybe she meant the dried shitsplat on the side of the bowl
Moley confesses to us that even while he was making this dish, he was wondering if MeeMaw would even know what a tamale is…
so you’ve made us a tomato?
MeeMaw says she’s “not seen it before” but she liked the plantain slices. She leaves Moley in awe that she knows what plantains are and heads over to Sir Barts-a-lot, who reveals that he is, in fact, Belgiumese, and points out that everybody expects him to make a waffle…
so he did
Scar calls it “chicken’n'waffles” and then they come to McBitchyson’s aeble craeble chaeble…
that somebody snaebled on
Scar tells her that it tastes “very homey”, which McBitchyson takes as an insult, “It never really feels like a compliment when you’re in a room full of chefs and you’ve made the homey dish…” God, SHUT UP, at least MeeMaw seems to like it…
either I had an orgasm… or I’ve just tinkled
Time for ThumbyHead Stefan to present his “chooish” dish…
looks pre-chooed
I dunno what he was thinking with turning it into a connect-the-dots puzzle, maybe he’s trying to send MeeMaw a secret message of some kind?…
maybe letting her know he’s really into older women, too?
17 Comments
WE LOVE BLOWSIE! She is cool and always seems to be the most genuine person on these shows. Thumbhead was probably being a douche bag and the show was edited to make Blowsie look overbearing. So what?! They have a clock running at all times, who knows the real situation? Seems to me J-Mo you don’t like women.
Josie is such a weirdo.
My GAWD! she reminds me of Heffah that I work with.
Stupid Heffah comes in serving female convict in the yard realness and will stand inches away from you KNOWING that your personal space is a 4′ radius.
The kind of person that makes you look for a bag of oranges to swing on her with whenever she comes even near your office.
Whew… well that felt good.
Say what? Blowsie is the most genuine person on the show? Is there ANOTHER Top Chef series I am missing? Because on the show I watch, she’s quite annoying, and not genuine at all. And I can never forgive the burnt turkey and the complete a**holeishness of her treating her mistake like it was “aw, shucks, nothing’s really wrong”.
(Of course, I also think CJ and Stefan are annoying, so apparently what do I know???)
As for Hater-Tots, I am pretty sure I love him. He’s not always the best at timing, but he’s not a jerk in the normal sense. I kept praying stache-man would leave.
J-Mo, please let us know if you really do hate women. I guess I can continue reading your incredible recaps and loving your kitty-porn, but I’ll have to curse you while I do it if you truly hate peeps like me.
Daisy obviously hates men. Can’t stand ‘em. It’s sooooo painfully clear.
Nope, I don’t hate women, and if anybody needs proof of that, have a look at how I have treated Josh, CJ, and Micah this season… and then go back and see some of the things I’ve said about Ty-Lor Boring, Chris Jones, Chris Crary, Kevin Sbraga, Ed Cotton, Kenny Gilbert, Michael Voltaggio, Eli Kirshtein, Richard Blais, Dale Talde, Fabio Viviani, Spike Mendelsohn, Marcel Vigneron and Mike Isabella.
love, J-Mo
I’m sure Blowsie is totally genuine since that’s not nearly the compliment people think it is. I mean she could genuinely be an asshole. See?
Blowsie simply blows. Hence the appropriate name by J-Mo. She constantly hee-haws at everything, including when she’s standing in front of the judges on the chopping block. I’m not saying she needs to be overly serious about what she does, but this is a serious competition. Some of these chefs won’t get another shot at it like she mysteriously has.
I was surprised when Daddy Tom said this food was a huge step up from last week. I kept getting the impression that they didn’t really enjoy most of the food. I felt like there were more negative things being said than positive.
I’m a huge Parks and Rec fan, so I enjoy Chris Pratt and his ridiculousness, but I completely understand your point J-Mo, and it is valid. I did laugh at him though.
I know this is from an episode ago already, but I forgot to mention it. As a Wisconsin-ite, cheese curds are a way of life here! I could NOT believe that the chefs didn’t know what they were in their team strange-ingredient challenge. Cheese curds are delicious, squeaky, perfect when fried awesome treat. They’re available at almost all restaurants here. I feel sad for people who’ve never had cheese curds. You know it’s fresh when it squeaks while you chew it. Delish.
I also have to say I think J-Mo is an equal opportunity hater. Men, women, in betweener, it doesn’t matter. Hate on J-Mo!
Great recap, J-Mo!! Love your recaps so much! Thank you! I love you, J, even if you hate us, women!
I’m still confused about MeeMaw. Is she for real? I’ve passed through Grand Forks/ND, and they do have Spanish, Mexican Restaurants there…she doesn’t know what is a Tamale?? I hope Bourdain will teach her!!
The spit foaming is disgusting…makes me gag!
I don’t have a favorite yet…Any suggestions?
Merry Christmas to Chica & Chunky and the whole Mo Family!!
I’ve been reading your recaps for years and have never posted before, but after you quoted from White Lines, I just HAD to. It’s my jam & I officially am in love with you J-Mo! Freeze! Rock!
Fabulous job as always. I enjoy your recaps more than I do the actual show. So far, Hater-Tots hasn’t done much to warrant his most hated chef title. He better step it up. Not liking Snidely Douche-stache much and I can’t stand Scar. She’s such a prissy pants. I couldn’t even remember Blowsie’s cooking from her season, but I did remember her teeth.
Also have a feline brother and sister duo, Rotney and Lulu, who catch all of Bravo’s programming with me. They are both all black including their noses, except for an occasional white belly hair. They’ve tag-teamed and stripped the Christmas tree of everything but the lights. I’ll be finding ornaments until Easter.
Cock a Doodle whoo~ ya! I got a shout out-
Gotta go snort some more effluvia.
I love the olive garden lady… she reminds me of my beloved southern grandma who i miss like crazy.
I thought for sure BB-13′s Adam would at least stop here and make a comment since he bragged so much about you mentioning him in this recap on Twitter! He should brag cuz you are so awesome!
Just thought you should know… I am a direct descendent of the real Lizzie Borden.
oh dear sweet fluffy lord, can Stachebear please get kicked off so I can stop being ashamed of my state! Although good call on the pic of the OU fans butt crack, thats a common sight during football season.
Don’t get why MeeMaw’s restaurant review of the Olive Garden went viral. Was it because food snobs snickered and laughed at her for reviewing and worse, liking an Olive Garden? I’m a food snob too but I also have experience in small town America and get why an Olive Garden moving into your small town would be the greatest thing evah. I once lived in East Donkeyballs, Ark., when the whole town went mad with excitement after a Holiday Inn with a restaurant and bar moved in. It became the \in\ place to eat in town. Not that there were other choices, which is my point.
“Effluvia is twice as sweet as sugar, twice as bitter as salt, and if you get hooked baby, it’s nobody else’s fault, so DON’T DO IT!”
You are the Grandmaster and I’m sure there is a flash going on at some point! I see I’m not the only one who got it!
I’m super late on reading the recap, J-Mo (and it was fabbing fuckulous, as usual), but I really wanted to comment on that video at the end:
Loved it, dude. Didn’t even know the damn song existed, but with the montage it was amazeballs. Thank you.