We also got to see the bacon obsessed asswipe get sent home. That was pretty amazing, especially cuz he just missed the birth of his baby for nothing! HAHAHAH!!! This show is evil. And delicious. I knew he was a goner when he was on webcam with his family, ain’t that always the final nail? He was super touched to see his new kid, but the feeling wasn’t mutual.
Holy shit I’m gonna look like THIS dicknut? And is that a shirt with a bacon pun printed on it? POST ABORT ME! ABOOOORT!!
We open this week back in Sarah Palin’s backyard. Look! It’s Russia!
One thing you can always count on when I fill in for a recap? Fresh, current jokes.
Sheldon and Brooke get back to the rental house and celebrate making it to the almost end. Sheldon whips out his ukulele thing and starts singing “Choppin’ Broccoleh”. Thankfully, his goal was to be a chef and not a singer/songwriter or his ass would still be doing dishes.
Those two are super adorable when they’re cooking great stuff and being quiet. I don’t need to see them “letting loose.” Unlike most reality shows, the contestants on Top Chef are generally “real people”, ie “boring ass mothafuckas I don’t ever want to think about living normal life or making babies or taking out second mortgages.”
It’s months later! Let’s go to Hawaii and visit the bait and tackle shop Sheldon’s working at!
He’s been given the chance to study at a high end restaurant in HI to get ready for the finale. It must be another restaurant, cuz the next thing we see is a cook drop a spoon and put it back on the stove. HAHA. Love it. I’ve worked in restaurants since I was a kid, and it always cracks me up when someone complains about a hair in their food. You’re lucky it wasn’t gravel, bugs or boogars bitch! You ever been in a professional kitchen? That disturbing image has been brought to you from my years at Applebee’s.
Everyone wants to meet Sheldon now. Partly because he was on Top Chef, and partly cuz he looks a lot like the magical midget on Fantasy Island.
Say it!! SAY IT!! The plane! Come on! THE PLANE! SAY IIIIITTT!!! Damn Koreans.
Sheldon throws a classy family party next. He’s poor, which means it’s at the beach. Damn poor people clogging up public spaces with your off brand Fanta bottles and your White Rain smell!!
Can we raise taxes and open enclosed spaces for poor people to party in so the rest of us can swim in peace?