Top Chef Recap: Pedestrian Crossing

25 Comments

1. 1
   JimbobJones
   Posted February 21, 2013 at 6:50 pm

   ” representing all the decrepit droopy balls she had to bag to get to where she is today”

   Representing? Yes, “representing”

2. 2
   Aunt Dorsey
   Posted February 21, 2013 at 7:20 pm

   Aw, I liked old Stoner. Sad to see him go. I still detest Scar. Every time she catches that stupid fish, like a bad ham actor, in that lame promo–I want it to knock her skinny ass the hell over. Is it too much to ask that Le Gassy accidentally sit on her? Or at least belch and blow her out of the room?

3. 3
   Aunt Dorsey
   Posted February 21, 2013 at 7:22 pm

   Okay, is a fart, one lone fart too much?

4. 4
   vish
   Posted February 22, 2013 at 12:24 am

   I, too, loved the necklace comment, that was brilliant.
   I would like to say that the show tends to grate on one’s nerves, in part, because of the judges with their sundry bullshit hyper-critical \expert\ assessments, Jesus, am I glad I’m not a food critic, because they never seem to just be able to enjoy, \this needs an acid\, \this just isn’t crunchy enough\, \the plating leaves something to be desired\. Fuck you. Does it taste good, bitch? They sound like whiny, ungrateful, spoiled brats, the lot of them. There is no excitement, no joie de vivre, only a bizarre egotistical, distorted sense of refinement.

5. 5
   Philo
   Posted February 22, 2013 at 7:11 am

   Wasn’t Hugnibrow the first to get bounced in his season of TC Masters? Then he was able to come back the very next week because another chef was “about to open a restaurant” and chose to leave the show (code for: I don’t want the negativity that comes with this show to affect my business).

   I too am sick of the petty criticism. Does the plate look good and does the food taste good? If yes, then STFU. A dish missing a grain of salt isn’t going to mean the world is coming to an end.

   Thanks for the quick recap Flipit. Looking forward to this season finally coming to an end….
   (My guess is that Kristen wins, so this stupid show can validate RedemptionIslandLastChanceKitchen)

6. 6
   TallGirl
   Posted February 22, 2013 at 8:57 am

   Stoner was hilarious talking about Daddy Tom’s blue eyes. He is really affable, the type of person that others like to work with. That will take him far in the restaurant world vs. being a bitchy perfectionist.

7. 7
   CrazyTrain
   Posted February 22, 2013 at 9:05 am

   Philo, he did. It was by sheer luck that he came back. I can’t believe this show gives him cred now. I can’t believe I still watch this show either!

8. 8
   J-Mo
   Posted February 22, 2013 at 9:30 am

   “Holy shit I’m gonna look like THIS dicknut? And is that a shirt with a bacon pun printed on it? POST ABORT ME! ABOOOORT!!” BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAH Daddy Flipit, I love you so hard right now! THANK YOU for taking this one over for me, this was one fuckin’ funny-ass recap… now I’m picturing La Gassy’s saggy mantits everywhere, so thank you for that image, I should lose some weight now.

   After Stoner’s elimination, I want to personally apologize to all the ‘Gasmii for making fun of him for only making Asian-esque food, I take it aaaaaaaall back. Turns out, he should have stuck to that all along, because Top Chef has become a lot like American Idol… once those judges shove you in your little cubbyhole category, God FORBID you try to branch out or break free from it. Then again, if he HAD served some more Filipino/Chinese/Japanese/Korean/Thai/Vietnamese/Hmong-style dishes, they probably would have booted him anyway and said “You didn’t show enough variety in your style of cooking… and besides, an Asian guy won LAST season, so, sorry, buh-bye.”

   Thanks again Flipit, and I will see all of you guys next week for the Final Finishing Ultimate End Finale, and then, of course, we will all suffer through the inevitable Reunion Show (which BETTER NOT BE MORE THAN ONE HOUR but will probably be two because they’ll have to devote an entire hour to how much everyone hates Blowsie).

   love, J-Mo

9. 9
   sheesh
   Posted February 22, 2013 at 9:55 am

   I would just like to shout out a hearty “Fuck You Padma!”.

   She really does have a hardon for Kristen.

   I liked Sheldon!
   I’m not sad to see him go because a showdown between McBitchy and Kristen should be worth watching.

10. 10
    PacoSauce
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 10:01 am

    Not gonna lie, the judges’ criticism of Sheldon’s main dish made me really uncomfortable with the constant moaning about \missing the old Sheldon.\ But aren’t we constantly hearing about how the chefs need to show their range, versatility, and push their limits? It just seems like the more \soulful\ chefs – Sheldon, Carla HOOTIE HOO – are immediately pigeonholed into sticking to their roots. I doubt that Brooke would have been chastised for doing an Asian-inspired dish as much as Sheldon was for cooking quail. The sheer offense taken by the judges just really put me off.

11. 11
    JimbobJones
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 10:51 am

    “She really does have a hardon for Kristen.”

    Didn’t I say that at the beginning of the season? Sure, I was joking at the time, but still — I think that the supposed love of old-man balls (so much so that she’d have them bronzed and put on a necklace) is simply her cry of “I’m a closet lesbian”.

12. 12
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 11:13 am

    I got the impression that Padma had the hard-on (or at least the strap-on) for Blowsie, since she was fighting SO VERY hard to save her and throw Kristen under the bus. Every episode. Because we know her culinary expertise is so much more valuable than Gail’s, or say Le Gassy’s, since she talked right over them. Because she wrote a mediocre cookbook. Yawn. I wish I could send her to LCK to stalk CJ’s last remaining ball.

13. 13
    JimbobJones
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 11:22 am

    “I wish I could send her to LCK to stalk CJ’s last remaining ball.”

    NO!!! Then her collection would be complete, and the gates to hell would open!

14. 14
    sheesh
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 11:42 am

    Sheldon’s “I was saving my desert for the final.”

    I laughed so hard when he said that!
    He is completely guiless.

15. 15
    crazy rooster
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 11:51 am

    Tom and the queenstalk made me LOL

16. 16
    L Chienne
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 8:34 am

    Recap had me laughing so hard that the dogs wondered what was wrong.

    Had hoped Sheldon would make it to the end with Kristen. I liked them both during Restaurant Wars.

17. 17
    vallegirl
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 9:47 am

    I wanted Kristen to make it to the finale…until she did. The editing made it sound like she was at least as lackluster as Sheldon so all things equal, the one who wasn’t already eliminated should have stayed. Especially since he really shined in Restaurant Wars where Blowsie was only half of why she got eliminated. Of course, ideally, Brooke would have sucked as badly as she whined and then the finale would be Sheldon v. Kristen.

    But I figured they just didn’t trust the judges enough NOT to give the win to whichever man was in the finale so they moved Kristen on to guarantee a woman won. (Not really…but maybe.)

    And I’ll just point out that Kristen stuck to French cuisine while Brooke has her own one-note, beets, which she went to in this episode as well. But it was only Sheldon’s reliance on a whole continent’s worth of technique and ingredients that was portrayed as “one note.” And unsurprisingly by Brooke.

18. 18
    Detinha
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 6:17 pm

    Loved the Flipit take on TC!! J-More, I hope you get Oscar , even if it’s the “de la Hoya”

    I understand the judges looking for perfection, after all they’re looking for a Top Chef, what I don’t get is their snootiness, especially Unibrow, or should I say UniHighBrow?!

    I have a feeling the winer of Top Chef Seatle/Alasca/California will be a female!

19. 19
    Mummy Butterfly
    Posted February 25, 2013 at 6:34 am

    So I’m reading all the old Top Chef recaps (I found this site just a couple of years ago) and just got to one of the Episodes in Season 5, where Josie comes back and competes for the Football Challenge. I watched the show back then (which makes the recaps all the funnier), and all I could think was “OH MY GOSH – It WASN’T just this season! Padma has a thing for Josie!”

    Apparently, in the head-to-head competition – EVERY SINGLE OTHER JUDGE went for the other chef, but PADMA voted for JOSIE. And, I have never believed Padma has any sort of real palate.

    Just an observation… (*Team Kristen!*)

    (Flipit Recap: Season 5 – “Monkey Assa Suff Weet Fry Banana Bowl”)

20. 20
    Jane and Blanche
    Posted February 25, 2013 at 10:27 am

    I’d respect Scar’s opinions at judgey table a lot more if they made her compete in one of the challenges, otherwise I think she just needs to shut up.

21. 21
    badgerfreak
    Posted February 26, 2013 at 6:04 am

    I just have to throw it out there than I was extremely disappointed I didn’t get to hear Martin Yan call something beautiful. I used to watch him on Saturday mornings/afternoons when I was in college and couldn’t afford cable. Then again, I’m out of college and still can’t afford cable, but I’ve learned new ways. I loved that he was a guest judge.

22. 22
    LAC
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 11:49 am

    LOL!! Between this funny recap and the always funny podcast, I have had my Flipit fix for the day. And thank you for stating the obvious: how is it that unibrow gets so much street cred when he got bounced from a show? Is it because they need a lil’ bitch on every season to be the judge everyone dreads? I find his pickiness to be prickiness, for prickiness sake.

    Bye, Sheldon – he was the sweetest guy on the show. I hope that he has much success.

    Yeah, what is Padma’s deal with Kristen? Is it that Kristen is young and pretty, and her career is not splattered with old man spunk?

    Team Chick! I am just happy to see female driven finale, with J-Mo and kitty porn!

23. 23
    juddfan
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    I’m really happy with another female winner too. I think, overall, Brooke and Kristin deserve to go to the end. I didn’t hate Stoner, but I don’t think he’s anywhere near the usual chefs in the top of any season. They must be running out of people to use for these shows.

    Loved the re-cap, thanks Flip-it!!!! Mwah!!!

    Hope you won too, J-mo . . .

24. 24
    crankyguy
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    “Yeah, what is Padma’s deal with Kristen? Is it that Kristen is young and pretty, and her career is not splattered with old man spunk?”

    Exactly that. What else could it be? Each season, my hatred of Padma grows stronger and stronger where it is now to the point that I cannot stand to look at her or hear her voice. I wish they would get rid of her. Even better, replace her with Kristen.

25. 25
    crankyguy
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    It just occurred to me that when Padma hits sixty years of age or so, then there won’t be anyone left alive for her to suck off.