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Thursday, February 21, 2013
6:03 pm
25 Comments
Hughnibrow comes in to be nice, and I really have no interest in a nice Hughnibrow. FF. Tom checks on Kristen to find out what her secret to success in Last Chance Kitchen was. Why, not having Josie helping her, of course. Just keep that cow out of the kitchen and all will be good. Emeril checks on Sheldon and says they are brothers cuz they both started as dishwashers. Oh Jesus. Now I can only see Emeril in my head wearing a hairnet. Thanks for ruining my fantasy life, Top Chef!
Kristen and Sheldon are having fun talking about how they want to both bone Daddy Tom, but Brooke’s all negative and whiny. I think we’d probably be really good friends. She convinces us that her whole day is a disaster, but every time she does that she wins so I’m not writing about it. Except that I just did. Dammit.
Scar shows up with the guest judges for the night, and Sulu is in love.
I would love to add my droopy testicles to your collection.
Aw!! But ow my neck hurts.
First up are Sheldon’s Spot Prawns. The judges like it but aren’t excited. Only fancy restaurants could serve you this and get away with it. I’d whip out my phone and pull up an all you can eat Red Lobster scampi special and demand to speak to the manager for internet price matching.
Kristen’s Chestut Veloute is next, and it looks like a baby pooped in a bowl of hummus.
Hugh is waaaay above the soup, as he is everything. I wish they would just keep showing clips of him getting chewed out by judges for his own bad dishes on Top Chef Masters and then getting his ass kicked off halfway through the competition every time he was an asshole.
Brooke’s sweetbreads are up next and in case you don’t know, those are the glands and throats and ears of the animal. Charge me fifty dollars of shit they use to make hot dogs with? This is an industry I’ll never understand.
Hugh got some lamb earwax in his and of course, could have done way better himself. In the kitchen, Brooke is convinced she’s gonna lose. Which means they’re handing her a Geo the second they have the chance. Daddy Tom is rolling his eyes at her tardiness and thanking Jesus for not making him have to work in one of these hellholes any more.
25 Comments
” representing all the decrepit droopy balls she had to bag to get to where she is today”
Representing? Yes, “representing”
Aw, I liked old Stoner. Sad to see him go. I still detest Scar. Every time she catches that stupid fish, like a bad ham actor, in that lame promo–I want it to knock her skinny ass the hell over. Is it too much to ask that Le Gassy accidentally sit on her? Or at least belch and blow her out of the room?
Okay, is a fart, one lone fart too much?
I, too, loved the necklace comment, that was brilliant.
I would like to say that the show tends to grate on one’s nerves, in part, because of the judges with their sundry bullshit hyper-critical \expert\ assessments, Jesus, am I glad I’m not a food critic, because they never seem to just be able to enjoy, \this needs an acid\, \this just isn’t crunchy enough\, \the plating leaves something to be desired\. Fuck you. Does it taste good, bitch? They sound like whiny, ungrateful, spoiled brats, the lot of them. There is no excitement, no joie de vivre, only a bizarre egotistical, distorted sense of refinement.
Wasn’t Hugnibrow the first to get bounced in his season of TC Masters? Then he was able to come back the very next week because another chef was “about to open a restaurant” and chose to leave the show (code for: I don’t want the negativity that comes with this show to affect my business).
I too am sick of the petty criticism. Does the plate look good and does the food taste good? If yes, then STFU. A dish missing a grain of salt isn’t going to mean the world is coming to an end.
Thanks for the quick recap Flipit. Looking forward to this season finally coming to an end….
(My guess is that Kristen wins, so this stupid show can validate RedemptionIslandLastChanceKitchen)
Stoner was hilarious talking about Daddy Tom’s blue eyes. He is really affable, the type of person that others like to work with. That will take him far in the restaurant world vs. being a bitchy perfectionist.
Philo, he did. It was by sheer luck that he came back. I can’t believe this show gives him cred now. I can’t believe I still watch this show either!
“Holy shit I’m gonna look like THIS dicknut? And is that a shirt with a bacon pun printed on it? POST ABORT ME! ABOOOORT!!” BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAH Daddy Flipit, I love you so hard right now! THANK YOU for taking this one over for me, this was one fuckin’ funny-ass recap… now I’m picturing La Gassy’s saggy mantits everywhere, so thank you for that image, I should lose some weight now.
After Stoner’s elimination, I want to personally apologize to all the ‘Gasmii for making fun of him for only making Asian-esque food, I take it aaaaaaaall back. Turns out, he should have stuck to that all along, because Top Chef has become a lot like American Idol… once those judges shove you in your little cubbyhole category, God FORBID you try to branch out or break free from it. Then again, if he HAD served some more Filipino/Chinese/Japanese/Korean/Thai/Vietnamese/Hmong-style dishes, they probably would have booted him anyway and said “You didn’t show enough variety in your style of cooking… and besides, an Asian guy won LAST season, so, sorry, buh-bye.”
Thanks again Flipit, and I will see all of you guys next week for the Final Finishing Ultimate End Finale, and then, of course, we will all suffer through the inevitable Reunion Show (which BETTER NOT BE MORE THAN ONE HOUR but will probably be two because they’ll have to devote an entire hour to how much everyone hates Blowsie).
love, J-Mo
I would just like to shout out a hearty “Fuck You Padma!”.
She really does have a hardon for Kristen.
I liked Sheldon!
I’m not sad to see him go because a showdown between McBitchy and Kristen should be worth watching.
Not gonna lie, the judges’ criticism of Sheldon’s main dish made me really uncomfortable with the constant moaning about \missing the old Sheldon.\ But aren’t we constantly hearing about how the chefs need to show their range, versatility, and push their limits? It just seems like the more \soulful\ chefs – Sheldon, Carla HOOTIE HOO – are immediately pigeonholed into sticking to their roots. I doubt that Brooke would have been chastised for doing an Asian-inspired dish as much as Sheldon was for cooking quail. The sheer offense taken by the judges just really put me off.
“She really does have a hardon for Kristen.”
Didn’t I say that at the beginning of the season? Sure, I was joking at the time, but still — I think that the supposed love of old-man balls (so much so that she’d have them bronzed and put on a necklace) is simply her cry of “I’m a closet lesbian”.
I got the impression that Padma had the hard-on (or at least the strap-on) for Blowsie, since she was fighting SO VERY hard to save her and throw Kristen under the bus. Every episode. Because we know her culinary expertise is so much more valuable than Gail’s, or say Le Gassy’s, since she talked right over them. Because she wrote a mediocre cookbook. Yawn. I wish I could send her to LCK to stalk CJ’s last remaining ball.
“I wish I could send her to LCK to stalk CJ’s last remaining ball.”
NO!!! Then her collection would be complete, and the gates to hell would open!
Sheldon’s “I was saving my desert for the final.”
I laughed so hard when he said that!
He is completely guiless.
Tom and the queenstalk made me LOL
Recap had me laughing so hard that the dogs wondered what was wrong.
Had hoped Sheldon would make it to the end with Kristen. I liked them both during Restaurant Wars.
I wanted Kristen to make it to the finale…until she did. The editing made it sound like she was at least as lackluster as Sheldon so all things equal, the one who wasn’t already eliminated should have stayed. Especially since he really shined in Restaurant Wars where Blowsie was only half of why she got eliminated. Of course, ideally, Brooke would have sucked as badly as she whined and then the finale would be Sheldon v. Kristen.
But I figured they just didn’t trust the judges enough NOT to give the win to whichever man was in the finale so they moved Kristen on to guarantee a woman won. (Not really…but maybe.)
And I’ll just point out that Kristen stuck to French cuisine while Brooke has her own one-note, beets, which she went to in this episode as well. But it was only Sheldon’s reliance on a whole continent’s worth of technique and ingredients that was portrayed as “one note.” And unsurprisingly by Brooke.
Loved the Flipit take on TC!! J-More, I hope you get Oscar , even if it’s the “de la Hoya”
I understand the judges looking for perfection, after all they’re looking for a Top Chef, what I don’t get is their snootiness, especially Unibrow, or should I say UniHighBrow?!
I have a feeling the winer of Top Chef Seatle/Alasca/California will be a female!
So I’m reading all the old Top Chef recaps (I found this site just a couple of years ago) and just got to one of the Episodes in Season 5, where Josie comes back and competes for the Football Challenge. I watched the show back then (which makes the recaps all the funnier), and all I could think was “OH MY GOSH – It WASN’T just this season! Padma has a thing for Josie!”
Apparently, in the head-to-head competition – EVERY SINGLE OTHER JUDGE went for the other chef, but PADMA voted for JOSIE. And, I have never believed Padma has any sort of real palate.
Just an observation… (*Team Kristen!*)
(Flipit Recap: Season 5 – “Monkey Assa Suff Weet Fry Banana Bowl”)
I’d respect Scar’s opinions at judgey table a lot more if they made her compete in one of the challenges, otherwise I think she just needs to shut up.
I just have to throw it out there than I was extremely disappointed I didn’t get to hear Martin Yan call something beautiful. I used to watch him on Saturday mornings/afternoons when I was in college and couldn’t afford cable. Then again, I’m out of college and still can’t afford cable, but I’ve learned new ways. I loved that he was a guest judge.
LOL!! Between this funny recap and the always funny podcast, I have had my Flipit fix for the day. And thank you for stating the obvious: how is it that unibrow gets so much street cred when he got bounced from a show? Is it because they need a lil’ bitch on every season to be the judge everyone dreads? I find his pickiness to be prickiness, for prickiness sake.
Bye, Sheldon – he was the sweetest guy on the show. I hope that he has much success.
Yeah, what is Padma’s deal with Kristen? Is it that Kristen is young and pretty, and her career is not splattered with old man spunk?
Team Chick! I am just happy to see female driven finale, with J-Mo and kitty porn!
I’m really happy with another female winner too. I think, overall, Brooke and Kristin deserve to go to the end. I didn’t hate Stoner, but I don’t think he’s anywhere near the usual chefs in the top of any season. They must be running out of people to use for these shows.
Loved the re-cap, thanks Flip-it!!!! Mwah!!!
Hope you won too, J-mo . . .
“Yeah, what is Padma’s deal with Kristen? Is it that Kristen is young and pretty, and her career is not splattered with old man spunk?”
Exactly that. What else could it be? Each season, my hatred of Padma grows stronger and stronger where it is now to the point that I cannot stand to look at her or hear her voice. I wish they would get rid of her. Even better, replace her with Kristen.
It just occurred to me that when Padma hits sixty years of age or so, then there won’t be anyone left alive for her to suck off.