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Hughnibrow comes in to be nice, and I really have no interest in a nice Hughnibrow. FF. Tom checks on Kristen to find out what her secret to success in Last Chance Kitchen was. Why, not having Josie helping her, of course. Just keep that cow out of the kitchen and all will be good. Emeril checks on Sheldon and says they are brothers cuz they both started as dishwashers. Oh Jesus. Now I can only see Emeril in my head wearing a hairnet. Thanks for ruining my fantasy life, Top Chef!
Kristen and Sheldon are having fun talking about how they want to both bone Daddy Tom, but Brooke’s all negative and whiny. I think we’d probably be really good friends. She convinces us that her whole day is a disaster, but every time she does that she wins so I’m not writing about it. Except that I just did. Dammit.
Scar shows up with the guest judges for the night, and Sulu is in love.
I would love to add my droopy testicles to your collection.
Aw!! But ow my neck hurts.
First up are Sheldon’s Spot Prawns. The judges like it but aren’t excited. Only fancy restaurants could serve you this and get away with it. I’d whip out my phone and pull up an all you can eat Red Lobster scampi special and demand to speak to the manager for internet price matching.
Kristen’s Chestut Veloute is next, and it looks like a baby pooped in a bowl of hummus.
Hugh is waaaay above the soup, as he is everything. I wish they would just keep showing clips of him getting chewed out by judges for his own bad dishes on Top Chef Masters and then getting his ass kicked off halfway through the competition every time he was an asshole.
Brooke’s sweetbreads are up next and in case you don’t know, those are the glands and throats and ears of the animal. Charge me fifty dollars of shit they use to make hot dogs with? This is an industry I’ll never understand.
Hugh got some lamb earwax in his and of course, could have done way better himself. In the kitchen, Brooke is convinced she’s gonna lose. Which means they’re handing her a Geo the second they have the chance. Daddy Tom is rolling his eyes at her tardiness and thanking Jesus for not making him have to work in one of these hellholes any more.