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StacheBear tells us his wife has been “harping” at him to go to New Orleans, so if he wins the money, he’s going to take a vacation down there, and maybe she will get to come along. We get to see a picture of them together, and she is actually quite a pretty lady…
and he’s actually not bad looking when he’s not snarling
or insisting on wearing that DoucheStache
Guess who is finding themselves with no more time and a bunch of shit not done yet? If you guessed someone whose name rhymes with Woesie, you’d be correct. She says her croquettes are not even completed, and she wants to shoot herself in the head right now. I’m not gonna touch that one, because someone else is likely to do that for her when she starts doing what she always does anytime she’s hopelessly behind on production.
The Judges (Daddy Tom, Gail Simmons, Scar and Danny Montalban) have arrived, and Danny’s reminiscing about the first time he met Daddy Tom, it was at a similar giant food event about 25 years ago back when Daddy Tom still had hair…
and wasn’t a slave to Bravo or the Magical Elves
I’m sad to say that Gail Simmons has taken a major step backwards with her look today. Not only is her candy-cane color clashing with Scar’s, but two other words are haunting her as well…
Aw shucks, Gail, and you were doing so well! I haven’t had to use “hideous blouses” as a keyword in forever (but I will tonight). In any case, we also see that Cuter Canlis Corpse (Brian) has returned to haughtily judge everything, which is why it’s awesome when ThumbyHead turns on his blender and immediately douses him in some kind of sauce. Fortunately he’s a good sport about it…
or maybe he has bukkake fantasies of his own
The first station to present tonight is StacheBear’s, and to give him credit, he does not tell the Judges his dad is dead or try to cry for them…
his food will have them weeping soon enough
Next in line is Lizzie Borden’s Not-Really-So-Italiany dish…
made all the more awkward by her confusing choice of restaurant name
KIDDING, that actually read “Mia Filino”, but my eyes kept reading it as Filipino. Just like my ears kept hearing her talk about finishing this dish with some “crispy spick”. Anyhow, back at the table the Judges dig in, and Scar mentions that StacheBear’s dish looks nice, and Gail says it actually tastes nice, too (for a change). Danny Montalban says the mushrooms are well-seasoned (it was that fancy-shmancy red wine!) but he felt like the steak had an absence of seasoning. Daddy Tom says it’s pretty clear that Stachey is going for something “comfortable and earthy”, and this dish conveys that feeling…
and the only tears being shed are from those subjected to that fugblouse!