Top Chef Recap: The Blowsie Show (Restaurant Snores)

29 Comments

1. 1
   AliceinPopLand
   Posted January 15, 2013 at 12:49 am

   I know my state (Oklahoma) isnt the best but omg seriously I wanna kick Stachebear in the nuts with a steel toed boot for putting it down every third word outta his mouth! Fuck you ya dirty wannabe chef! Kick him off soon please oh dear fluffy Lord!

2. 2
   badgerfreak
   Posted January 15, 2013 at 6:34 am

   I loved that Scar had to peer over the huge group of people standing in front of Blowsie’s station in order to see when they’d get food. If there ever was a time where this show stinks of conspiracy, it’s now. Blowsie should have been gone countless times before. Maybe due to CJ’s early departure, the producers felt they weren’t justified in bringing back previous contestant’s, so they’re just keeping the other 2 around as a way to flaunt their power. I dunno.
   I was sad it wasn’t actually restaurant wars, but I thought it was an interesting pre-show concept. At this moment, I can’t quite recall how they picked who got to be executive chefs before. Quickfire, maybe? I was surprised that they still sent someone home. I thought that they’d keep everyone around to keep the kitchens even for the battle. Though, to be fair, Top Model Kristen is more shorthanded than Stoner Sheldon because she’s weighed downed by the blob that is Blowsie. And based on previews, she throws some shade and attitude at Top Model during service. Please, dear Magical Elf Lords, let us be rid of her. Let the tide carry the whale back out to sea.

3. 3
   lindaw205
   Posted January 15, 2013 at 7:37 am

   I’m so disappointed Micah got the boot. I, too, had come to like him and his food, up until this episode, looked pretty tasty. I find it hard to believe that Blowsie’s dish was better than his. Something just doesn’t smell right and I’m not talking about Moley’s fish.

   Stefan…..what can I say? I used to like him, despite his dickishness, but he really does seem to be phoning it in.

   Magical Elves, I know you can make it so…..puhleeze send Blowsie home! And then StacheBear.

4. 4
   lindaw205
   Posted January 15, 2013 at 7:40 am

   Oh, and that was an awesome recap, J-Mo. As usual.

5. 5
   WaffleBoy
   Posted January 15, 2013 at 7:54 am

   This season of Top Chef has so much dramatic tension. I’m just waiting for the point when Guy Fieri yanks off his wig and mask…what? Blowsie is an actual woman? Really? Because they seem so much alike. Okay, I guess. Man, I did not see that twist coming at all.

6. 6
   sheesh
   Posted January 15, 2013 at 8:00 am

   Rodel is stoked that Sheldon made sinagon.
   He said that if he was there he would have said “asians represent” as well…the he got quiet and said “and I would have sounded just as dumb as Josie did”.

7. 7
   crankyguy
   Posted January 15, 2013 at 11:25 am

   HAHA “his dish looks like a giant infected asshole.” It totally does, and I would add, “prolapsed.” The old saying is that you taste with your eyes first.

8. 8
   Catherine
   Posted January 15, 2013 at 1:29 pm

   Do NOT google image prolapsed!!!! Omg….

9. 9
   sarcasatire
   Posted January 15, 2013 at 1:36 pm

   lol @ Catherine. I had to come here because I saw your comment on the front page.

10. 10
    Brigitte
    Posted January 15, 2013 at 1:53 pm

    Thank you so much for always making me laugh out loud while at work. Your recaps are so damn funny, I just know I will get into trouble some day, alas, they are like crack, I Can Not Stop:).
    BTW: Wolfgang Puck is from Austria and as a German National I just want to say: Nein Danke, we don’t want to claim him or his ego. I met him and he is as arrogant as all Austrians, particularly those from Vienna.

11. 11
    Rachel
    Posted January 15, 2013 at 1:59 pm

    First, I just want to say how sad I am that it took me until this season to find your recaps! They make each hand-wringing, eye-rolling episode so much better!! J-Mo, you rock.

    Next, am I the only one who thought what’s-her-name passed over a much better restaurant name than the unbelievably boring (and untrue) “Unkosher”? When she said it was kosher gone awry, I thought, “Dude! There’s your restaurant name!” Amiright? “Kosher Gone A-Rye.” Especially if she’d actually made the matzo balls out of her rye bread.

    Thanks again for the killer recaps, J-Mo!

12. 12
    J-Mo
    Posted January 15, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    Hey Brigitte, whoops! Guess I didn’t do my research thoroughly enough (i.e. checking super-accurate Wikipedia) but thank you for letting me know. Austrian, huh? Hey, wasn’t Hitler really Austrian, too? What is WITH those people and their superiority complexes? Also, Schwarzenegger, right? LOL, so glad you are enjoying the recap, thanks for the love!

    love, J-Mo

    P.S. AliceInPopLand, girl, Oklahoma will shake the dust of StacheBear from it’s boots and rise again, just you wait and see!

13. 13
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted January 15, 2013 at 7:42 pm

    Another extremely tasty recap. I could watch Blowsie and Stachebear dancing the Lambada–the forbidden dance–all damn day long. I laughed so hard, I gave myself a stomach ache. I just find it pee-your-pants funny.

    How cool was that, that Moley Micah read your recaps? I was so pissed they sent him home instead of Blowsie. I swear this show is rigged.

    Keep that kitty porn coming (they look as if they were rudely interrupted).

14. 14
    bccampbe
    Posted January 15, 2013 at 10:12 pm

    Mojo (pronounced mo-ho) is just the Cuban word for sauce (thus begging the question why it had to be called “mojo sauce.”) Does Josie know that? Probably not.

15. 15
    AliceinPopLand
    Posted January 15, 2013 at 11:54 pm

    I totally just squeaked that J-Mo called out my state! Love you and your kittums! Can we start a down with UniBall petition! I am making a prediction now, its going to come down to Top Model, UniBall, and…… Stoner Sheldon in the final. Only two earned their way the other blew an elf.

16. 16
    crazy rooster
    Posted January 16, 2013 at 4:14 am

    @waffleboy, he would have gotten away with it too if not for you meddling kids……

17. 17
    suzwhat
    Posted January 16, 2013 at 5:34 am

    J-Mo, you have a scary Rosetta-stone genius when it comes to phonetics! Even Rawker. Well done!!

18. 18
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted January 16, 2013 at 7:06 am

    ^ Yeah…you should see me reading these recaps.
    I never understand what’s being said until I actually read it aloud, and then I’m like oh I just said scallops in funny italian accent, how fun.

    Is one of the elves a raging lesbiana?
    Because normally, I would say that Josie has to be sucking dicks to get this far, but seeing as how she doesn’t do that (and who would put his little friend in that toothy maw except for a castration fetishist anyway), she has to be munching carpets.
    Munching carpets or athletically slinging a ding-a-ling of the strap-on variety because under no circumstances did Micah deserve to go home before her.

    At least you could eat his food.
    Josie’s whole pork was inedible! And that bitch can’t admit when she’s made a mistake, which is why she will always suck ass as a chef. Talking about she gave people options.
    Who the fuck CHOOSES a piece of pork that they can’t eat?
    Nobody goes into a restaurant and says, “oh but make the pork so tough that my fork splinters against it. I’m not very hungry tonight.” Nobody does that shit; if they didn’t want to eat they wouldn’t be there.

    I love my gorgeous top model, but I hope that Sheldon’s benihanas will help him beat the pants off her. Josie needs to leave.
    Although at this rate, it’s more likely that if Kristen’s team loses, Kristen herself will go home instead of Josie.

    Maybe we’re secretly playing Bottom Chef and no one told us?

19. 19
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted January 16, 2013 at 7:53 am

    I smell producer interference, since it’s Blavo we’re talking about, they must want really, really, really want Blowsie and Uniball to stay.

20. 20
    crankyguy
    Posted January 16, 2013 at 9:51 am

    “Mojo (pronounced mo-ho) is just the Cuban word for sauce (thus begging the question why it had to be called ‘mojo sauce.’)”

    Another thing that drives me nuts is “with au jus.”

21. 21
    crankyguy
    Posted January 16, 2013 at 9:58 am

    Does anybody besides me see the inconsistency in Daddy Tom’s insistence that the judging is completely ligit and only about the food while at the same time there is a disclaimer in small print at the end of every episode saying that the producers have a say in who wins and loses?

22. 22
    juddfan
    Posted January 16, 2013 at 11:43 am

    oh J-mo, I love to see you get recognized!!! As said on the mini, and above, Micah should have never left before Blowsie!!! it’s just amazing that she is still in this, when she just keeps failing and failing . . . We’ll miss you next week, but have a great vacation!!! Happy b-day to the Hubby!!! ; )

    It was kind of awesome to see Stach get close, but no!!!! hahahaha!

23. 23
    vallegirl
    Posted January 16, 2013 at 5:06 pm

    @cranky – That’s just a standard legal disclaimer. All shows have it. The validity of the judging rests on the individual shows and I know that Nigel Lythgoe has admitted/implied that only the finale necessarily follows viewer vote, but I believe the judging is legit. Mostly because CJ was really popular during his season and got booted early and Blowsie, who was never really popular, hangs around like herpes. Yeah, CJ’s sticking around LCK but that’s just online and he does have the advantage of not being sleep-deprived when competing. Plus, from what I hear from my sister, a very reliable source, CJ’s pulling an Ilan and cooking off the menu from that Danish restaurant where he staged.

    If they were really over-engineering the show for the desired outcome, Carla, CJ and John would still be there while I assume Blowsie (because she sucks) and Lizzie (because she’s not particularly dramatic) probably wouldn’t.

    What they actually do that might make it seem engineered is the producers will re-edit later episodes once they have an idea of how people are being perceived. Moonen talked about it when he was interviewed after TCM. His original portrayal was as someone more highly-strung and abrasive but when people were responding well to him, he got a nicer, softer edit. No doubt the same thing happened with Chris Cosentino last season. He started off somewhat bullish but ended up as everyone’s “boyfriend.”

    And on another tack, someone needs to tell McBitchyson that her “brilliant” idea for UnKosher is perilously close to Ilan’s brilliant concept for the Gorbals, since he combines Kosher & Scottish food.

24. 24
    crankyguy
    Posted January 16, 2013 at 5:39 pm

    @vallegirl, do you know what legal trouble they would be exposed to if they did not have that disclaimer, especially if there is not any producer interference? I guess I see something written that states producers give themselves the right to interfere, and I tend to put more weight on that written statement than I do Daddy’s verbal statements to the contrary.

25. 25
    lindaw205
    Posted January 16, 2013 at 6:03 pm

    Yeh, I’m not buying Daddy Tom’s shit either. Each season seems to reek more and more from producer interference. And I really can’t abide the nonstop product placement. The cooking on this show has become secondary to the product of the week. I hate it, too, because I used to get some helpful tips from the chefs as they cooked but now that’s been replaced by drama. I wish we could have more seasons like season 6, which was my favorite.

26. 26
    crazy rooster
    Posted January 16, 2013 at 6:24 pm

    If I hear anything more about producer interference so help me I will get in my cloyota (after a hearty wealthy Tv dinner) -and ride around in a highly fuel efficient manner until… I get tired and come home to my last chance kitchen and make a sandwich.

27. 27
    salex
    Posted January 16, 2013 at 6:40 pm

    I thought that top model had already come out in an earlier episode….

28. 28
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted January 16, 2013 at 8:43 pm

    ^ I thought she said that people thought her friend and her were partners.
    I don’t think she ever said whether or not she was gay though.

29. 29
    Khakie
    Posted January 22, 2013 at 8:21 am

    I think it would have been hysterical to watch the chefs try to do restaurant wars with a raw foods concept!