Top Chef Recap: Turkey’N'Dumplings

29 Comments

1. 1
   Violet
   Posted November 26, 2012 at 10:32 am

   Omg..you have a cat tree right next to your Christmas tree..they are going to go up to the top of it then jump over to your beautiful Christmas tree!!! Good luck!!
   Great recap! I agreed with the other viewers..except for the raw turkey..Emeril’s dinner looked good!

2. 2
   JimbobJones
   Posted November 26, 2012 at 11:05 am

   I’m not horribly surprised that Grudge Girl got sent home. I alluded to this in the mini-cap, but last week, when she won the challenge, she only did so because the Hawaiian dude found her chili oil burning and let her know, giving her time to restart. If he hadn’t found it, there’s the possibility that she could have gone home then.

   She seems like someone who is really talented, but a bit of a hot mess when it comes to the practical part of cooking food. Maybe she’s never held to time limits where she works. Who knows? But I didn’t see her as long in TC, despite liking her.

   Is it just me, or is this season full of more d-bags than normal? All 3 of the returning chefs are being assholes, as are about 4 of the newbies. Of course, being Top Chef, you just know that one of those kind will win.

3. 3
   ChicagoGuy
   Posted November 26, 2012 at 11:33 am

   J-Mo, if I knew you in person, you’d be getting at least three Jamo shots for this

   “joo ar can see ayam have loozed mai websurf hand”

   I pretty much spit out my lunch laughing

4. 4
   WaffleBoy
   Posted November 26, 2012 at 2:15 pm

   “but Scar thinks the salad could have been more refined, which I think is her subtle way of saying she really wanted some honey-mustard dressing.”
   There were tons of great lines in this recap, but that was my favorite. Thanks!

   Josie and that turkey was a sin. First of all they have these magical devices called meat thermometers out now a days that really cut down on the odds of killing someone during fake Thanksgiving. Also, if the skin is getting scorched why didn’t she just put some aluminium foil over the bird? Cuts down on the burning, and the oven stays hot enough that you can serve the turkey to people who you don’t feel like hauling to the emergency room. I was kind of stunned by this whole little mess. To quote my mom in the car ride home after one of my aunts had left her bird in the oven for what looked like about 10 hours one Thanksgiving ; “How the hell do you f@#k up a turkey that bad?”

5. 5
   chooch850
   Posted November 26, 2012 at 2:28 pm

   Blowsie should have gone home for that raw-ass turkey… fuck that immunity. It was the centerpiece of the whole meal!

   p.s. Fantastic recap, as always and I love your tree and hope it stays up.

6. 6
   juddfan
   Posted November 26, 2012 at 2:54 pm

   gorgeous tree, can’t wait to hear how it goes with the babies!!!

   and oooo, that’s who hater tots is . . . I so agree on the glasses thing, aren’t they fake glasses too . . . why would anyone voluntarily get those red pinch marks on their nose top!? Or in his case, in the middle of his forehead!

   I really zipped on this, and again, you didn’t disappoint with your full coverage, J-mo!!!

   Is it me, or should that pic of mouthy be of her leaning on the wall . . . great pic tho, she looks sooo pretty!!! And I’m glad she jumped on the “sweeties” . . . she’s just too intense always!

   I’m so sorry we lost Grudge, she was so great for these!!! Loved the hair shot!

7. 7
   zerocool
   Posted November 26, 2012 at 3:35 pm

   I hope Mouthy wipes the floor with Stefan. What a condescending prick.

   Totes agree with Waffleboy, roasting a turkey or chicken is sooo easy once you know what you’re doing. Clearly Josie missed that day in culinary school. But making scalloped potatoes are also incredibly easy, so I understand why they sent Grudge home. She will be missed.

   Lastly, I’m trying so hard to like Tyler Weird since we’re both from Colorado. But damn he makes it hard. What a boring guy.

8. 8
   vallegirl
   Posted November 26, 2012 at 4:36 pm

   Now JMo, you know I love you like a brother, but wanting to look attractive does not preclude a woman’s right to be taken seriously at work, even Carla’s. She wasn’t sending out “mixed messages” because she’s taken sexy photos and says she want to be both a Beard Award winner and have a nice ass. I’m sure she’s just fine with people calling her “honey” and “sweetie” when they’re off the clock but Stefan did call her that specifically to patronize her and that’s what she was responding to.

   After all, I’m pretty sure the reason they called Curtis Stone’s show “Take Home Chef” was meant as a double entendre playing off his alleged attractiveness (To me he looks like Mark Paul Gosselaar’s special brother.) and yet no one thinks he’s sending out “mixed messages” with his poorly frosted hair.

   There are myriad reasons to want to flick Carla in the face with a butter knife, beginning and ending with her Macaw-like voice that NEVER EVER SHUTS UP PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN SHUT UP but she was perfectly within her right to tell Stefan to shove his “sweetie, honey” up his ass.

9. 9
   vallegirl
   Posted November 26, 2012 at 5:05 pm

   And as far as I remember, he was always this much of a dick. Of course his first season it was directed toward Hung so it was okay then. And he’s still a pretty incompetent chef who managed to follow Tom’s directions to make a great turkey. But left to his own devices I’m sure he’ll find a way to overcook and oversalt lobster and incinerate some broccolini again.

10. 10
    sagittariuskim
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    I don’t think Kuniko’s a bad chef. I just think she’s really scatterbrained.

    I’m ready for Carla to go. I can’t stand her braying anymore. I’m surprised none of the chefs ears have started to bleed yet.

    This Thanksgiving my mom actually forgot about our turkey, and left in it in the oven a few hours too long.
    And it turned out way better than Josie’s turkey. It was completely cooked and still moist. So it obvious to me turkey’s are one those foods that are hard to mess up.

11. 11
    sagittariuskim
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    And thank you for giving something new to try in my mashed potatoes. I’ve put cream cheese on baked potatoes before, but never thought to put them in my mashed potatoes.

    Oh, seeing this recap up was one of the highlights of my birthday today.

12. 12
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    @Violet, I thought the exact same thing as soon as I saw the cat tree LOL.
    RIP, gloriously fabulous tree. We barely knew ye.

    Josie should have gone home. They need to start snatching back their gifts of immunity, because under no circumstances should the turkey have come out so fucked. It looked like a big black dry turd with legs. Then to cut past the black dry crust on the outside only to find it pink as a grapefruit on the inside…maybe I’ve been spoiled by two decades of perfect turkeys (shoutout to Momma Chaos) but omg, I would have flipped my shit if that was on my table. And her smiling and joking about the turkey being medium in front of the judges made me want to backhand her right across her big fat teeth. It’s like she didn’t even know that the appropriate response was to be embarassed and ashamed that in part because of her fuckery, her team lost.

    And yeah, Kuniko’s potatoes should have been a slam dunk and were a slam dump instead. And yeah, Kuniko’s time management sucks ass so she would have gone home eventually. But if Josie didn’t have immunity, I know she would have gone home for that turkey. I mean, I’ve fucked up plenty of side dishes in my years of helping out with Thanksgiving dinner…cornbread, potatoes, rice, macaroni, lasagna, and broccoli (don’t know how I fucked that up), but the Thanksgiving war machine has always rolled on. Side dishes can be scrapped or quickly re-done and brought out during dinner.

    But if the turkey is ruined, there can be no recovery.
    Thanksgiving is over, everyone go the fuck home and nobody better be thankful for anything. Use that time to weep, wail and gnash your teeth, because without turkey there is no Thanksgiving.
    And Josie was up there the whole time grinning like a gap-tooth jack o lantern.
    Even while she was fucking up the turkey, that bitch was grinning!
    The gall. The unmitigated gall.

    I died and lived again for the caption under Carla’s sexytime picture.

13. 13
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    @sagittariuskim, Happy Birthday!!

14. 14
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Also, I thought it was weird that fufu was even an option in the quickfire.
    My family is Nigerian, so I was raised on fufu and I’ve never considered it to be a dumpling…there’s no filling in it. You just take the cassava flour, cook it with water and salt, and eat it with a soup or stew.

15. 15
    arizonatom
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Great recap, J-Mo! And the tree looks WONDERFUL! Hopefully the kitties will admire it from afar.

    I am sorry to see Grudge Girl go home, but when you’re just being judged on your last dish, it you fuck it up you run that risk. However, I think that the team made a huge mistake by letting the person with IMMUNITY cook the central dish. “Immunes” should always be relegated to side dishes!

    I’ve cooked a couple of turkeys over the years (OK – more like several dozen) and while they don’t always turn out perfect, I’ve never served one that was underdone! Since I acquired them, I always use an instant read thermometer to check a few places on the bird to know for sure how done it is. Even before that, you could take a knife and stick it in a few (hidden) places and see if the juices run clear to test the doneness.

    Blowsie just out and out blew it! Hopefully on the next challenge she will have something less than perfect and will go home for it, since she skated by on this one.

    All of the chefs should treat each other with respect, regardless of gender. “Honey” and “Sweetie” MAY be OK if you know the chef well, but otherwise it comes across as condescending. And, if you’re going to be in a competition based on your career, you should always show professionalism in the kitchen.

    Lots O’ Love

16. 16
    sagittariuskim
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    @chaosbutterfly Thank You!

17. 17
    TalldrinkofH2O
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 9:51 pm

    “Ninja Cat Pee Attack” – maybe you have to have struggled with a certain cat’s lack of litterbox etiquette for the past 5 years as I have to have found that so hilarious, but I still snort a little when I read that. Mr. H2O also found it terribly funny. I didn’t even notice that about Thierry’s shirt until you had the screenshot and commented on it. Who goes out in public with a shirt like that????
    I felt a little mean when I first noticed Josie’s oversized teeth and way of grinning like an idiot, so I feel somewhat redeemed that you, J-Mo, feel the same way. I love how you captured her demeanor in front of the judges – an 8th grader still thinking she has the charm of a 2nd grader. Perfect!
    Uniball has that swagger of a guy who was on sports teams and was always “cool” because he was tall enough to be the center on the basketball team or front line on the volleyball team or whatever. He then takes what he perceives as “respect” from other guys around (that primal acknowledgement of some physical stature) and tries to turn that into somehow that he’s the “leader” of a group. I recall from his season that he should have been sent home far sooner than he was and I THINK that he even contributed to someone else’s going home prematurely. He did a bang-up job on the turkey this time, but I’m sure that he will screw up again, as vallegirl noted.

18. 18
    2muchbravo
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 12:26 am

    I agree with waffleboy about the foil. Putting foil on top of the bird so it doesn’t burn while the rest cooks is hardly rocket science and I’m sure it’s not a new culinary discovery either. I can’t believe she’d make such a crucial blunder and actually turn the oven down. Come on, even people with no professional culinary experience know about undercooked turkey and worms (ask Ralphie’s mother).
    And, fucking up the scalloped potatoes with 5 hours prep time? Sorry, wanting to help other people is great but you do that only after you get your own dish under control not INSTEAD of getting your dish done. Grudgy may indeed be a good chef but she doesn’t seem too well organized and that bit her in the ass.
    Your tree is beautiful J-M0. I hope the kitty Mo’s will behave themselves. When my one cat was young she’d sit under the tree and look out. Then you’d start to see the tree shake and she’d be climbing up the middle. I hope your tree fares better. I must say I’m glad my little ones don’t pay attention when I\m on this site. They’d get jealous of Chunky and Chica’s cat trees. Their’s is only 2 levels.

19. 19
    Daisy
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 12:30 am

    I can’t believe you guys are so one sided. Josie WON immunity and Dana Cowin said she was left “wanting more”, how appropriate. I watched the show and saw something completely different. The entire gray team seemed to have flaws and the turkey was not burnt, it was blackened (Cajun spices). I don’t think Josie should have been sent home, but she got VERY lucky (according to Daddy Tom).

20. 20
    JimbobJones
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 1:06 am

    @Daisy. The problem wasn’t that the chicken was burnt. It was that it was raw.

    They should make a new rule that if you could potentially kill people, you lose immunity.

21. 21
    AliceinPopLand
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 2:35 am

    I heart kitty porn! J-Mo your snark is treasured and lovely! I am sad to see Grudge girl go. I dont think she would have lasted much longer anyways. She seemed a bit overwhelmed. I dont doubt though that she has ridiculous talent. She just doesnt have the personality type to thrive in this kind of environment. Shes missing the bitchy gene!

22. 22
    badgerfreak
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 6:09 am

    If I’m not mistaken, didn’t Stephen from season 1 have immunity and was on the chopping block, and offered to give it up? I can’t remember if they took him up on it or not, I don’t think they did. Josie was saved PURELY by immunity. That turkey was just all kinds of bad. The whole grey team in general, I think, was bad. They tried to play it off like it was close, but all of the judges unanimously decided that red was the winner.
    I may be alone, but I always liked CJ. I thought he was funny and just a nice guy. Maybe it’s because I’m 5′ and I’m jealous of all his tallness. He’s just greedy that way. I don’t think he’s being a dick, but maybe it’s a nostalgic love for him. It’s always hard to give up on one of your favorites from the past. He made it to the 12th episode of his season, so he did decent, not the best but decent. It far surpasses Josie who was eliminated on the 5th episode. HOW IS SHE ONE THAT THEY BROUGHT BACK!??! There is a cornucopia of better options than her.
    It seems as though 2 evils are pitted against each other; Stachebear and Hater-Tots. I’m not sure which will triumph. Hater seems like he does enjoy giving the lectures and never knows when to shut up. That could bite him in the ass if he ever gets to be on the chopping block. Daddy Tom doesn’t like to be talked down to.

23. 23
    Parisi LaRoe
    Posted November 28, 2012 at 6:27 am

    @badgerfreak-Daddy Tom does hate that. Just look at what happened to my girl, Jennifer Carroll aka Bitter Jen.

    Great recap J-Mo! The screen cap with the Grunge Girl superimposed over Hater-Tots’ shoulder actually made me jump at first. I hope she will make some appearances when HT screws up. REVENGE!

    I loved the kitty porn as usual. They are getting so big.

    Great job again J-Mo!!!

24. 24
    msmmm
    Posted November 28, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    @Chaos: I totally agree with you! Get rid of this damn immunity. Too often better chefs are sent home because some a$$hat has immunity! It’s a cooking competition, and if you truly are judged on the last dish then the worst dish should lose. Ugh!

25. 25
    LAC
    Posted November 28, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    J-Mo! Thank you for the Kitty Porn. Please (don’t) stop the Grudge pictures! They make me jump then laugh!

    Yummy…undercooked Turkey! Way to go, Josie. All that traveling around and sampling the world’s food may not have been a good way to spend time. Perhaps sampling the various degrees of an oven would have been better. I am going to have to rescind my being ok about these doofs coming back.

    Two will be eliminated this time? A battle of dick chefs in the stewroom? Please let there be blood.

    And someone tell Carla to speak up…there is a remote cabin in Finland that missed what she said.

26. 26
    Detinha
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 8:21 am

    Well, the recap was OK until you made Carla sounding like she’s speaking Cape Verdean when she clearly speaks Portuguese. That’s it, you done ruined the whole post for me! How could you, J-Mo? That’s unacceptable, sir, unacceptable, I say!
    Just kidding! I love your recaps! Thank you so much!

    I agree that raw meat is wrong, and Josie should be the one gone home. But, it says a lot about the level of the chefstants when a carrot soup is the best dish out of a Thanksgiving meal, doesn’t?
    I think Carla is putting herself in a position where people don’t respect her. I mean, I dislike loud people and certainly wouldn’t respect someone who goes around yelling at everybody. (keep in mind, that I don’t know her but tht’s the impression she’s giving me by reading the recaps)

    Love your cats and your tree, J!!

27. 27
    Detinha
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 9:46 am

    Oh, Happy Belated Birthday, Sagittariumskim!

28. 28
    timgunnssister
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 10:42 am

    You know, I’ve tried, I really have. But the ‘Stephan looks like a thumb’ commentfrom Ep. 2 has me laughing almost to tears even when I say it (or type it).

    ‘Cause he does.

    Oh, yes he does.

29. 29
    SuzieC
    Posted December 2, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    Love your tree, love your kittez, and love your recap! Better than the show, as always. Can’t wait to see what you say about the most recent episode.
    Carrot soup can be incredibly delicious if made properly. I liked Carla’s soup. Josie’s turkey looked gross.