We start this episode on a fanboat in the swamp. The girls don’t know it, but they’re meeting up with their guy and the guy’s dad. First up, Stephanie and John. Stephanie thinks John’s dad is the tour guide until she’s introduced.
Next, we go to Danielle. She meets up with Corey and his dad. When he introduces her to him, instead of saying, “It’s a pleasure to meet you!” or “Hello!” she covers her face and screams, “Oh GOD!” This turns out to be an omen of her behavior for the rest of the week. She’s already complaining that they’re out in the middle of nowhere. They’re cleaning fish and she’s cussing, screaming, and dry heaving.
Despina meets up with Austin and his dad, who is sporting a banjo. Depsina seemed a little weirded out by meeting his dad and Dad makes it weirder by playing his banjo from the get go and never stopping. Then, Despina amps up the Deliverance-ness of this trip by threatening to shove a sharpened stick up Austin’s brown starfish and tells him to squeal like a piggy. Steve points out that Despina’s body language is very standoff-ish. I would say so.
Ah! I must have sat on my remote again, because it sounds like the TV is set on Maury. Wait. Nevermind. That’s just Danielle. It seems that couth and discretion were never taught to Danielle. I cuss like a sailor, but there’s really a time and place for that language and it certainly isn’t on the first few dates or when meeting someone’s parents. Danielle blames her potty mouth on the fact that she’s terrified of anything “in the sea”. First off, you’re in the bayou. Second, a crawdad isn’t going to do nearly the damage that a gator will do, which is the number 1 reason you would NOT see my ass out there outside of a boat. Also, flailing around and screaming only makes you look like ready prey. CALM DOWN! Dad interviews that she needs to work on that mouth and isn’t a fan of the idea of her being around his grandkids. Whoopsy!
Stephanie’s having a great time, which scores points with me. They move into a beautiful area canopied by bald cypress. I can definitely see why she is so happy to be in that area. It’s right out of a southern gothic novel. Stephanie is very comfortable catching crabs from John and his dad. She’s hitting it off with John’s dad and he’s a super nice guy. I think John takes after his dad and this is solidified later on in this episode.
Next up is Shalana who meets Carl’s dad. She’s totally up for the challenge and this makes her pretty endearing. That’s good, because I always forget she exists. She’s far too mild for reality TV. I’m so proud of her for such a great attitude on this date until…
Hey, dad! You want some of this?
I’m no prude, but I’m just not cool with sticking my tongue in someone’s mouth in front of family members. How uncomfortable does Carl’s dad have to be right now? And doesn’t this kinda’ make Shalana look like a bit of a ho-bag? I mean, if there’s no like here, where is her line drawn? And did anyone else just love that broke-ass version of “Wicked Game”? I just didn’t find this nearly as appealing as the Chris Issak/Helena Christensen romp.
Now we get to see Elizabeth. I fully expect her high-maintenance ass to go postal. She makes a startling revelation – she is not an outdoorsy gal. What?! Surely you jest!
They get to catch swamp rats. She’s hyperventilating for real. Am I weird that I found those swamp rats cute? Steve applauds her for chilling out and partaking in the fun by driving the fan boat back to base. In reality, she was scare shitless and hauled ass on the boat back to safety.
Melissa is missing out on the fun. She’s going bowling with Nice Guy Chris. She’s supposed to be breaking things off with him. They’re having a great time and she flirts and hangs all over him. She tells us that she thinks he’s a great friend. They stop hanging on him!! I’m all for flirting with dudes even if you’re not truly interested, but it’s certainly not kosher to do it to a guy you know has a genuine interest in you.
I love you…as a friend.