Tough Love New Orleans Recap: We’ve All Got Crabs!

Tough Love

By Sugarbush | Wednesday, May 30, 2012 | 6:00 am | 13 Comments
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Posted in: Recaps, Tough Love

We start this episode on a fanboat in the swamp. The girls don’t know it, but they’re meeting up with their guy and the guy’s dad. First up, Stephanie and John. Stephanie thinks John’s dad is the tour guide until she’s introduced.

Next, we go to Danielle. She meets up with Corey and his dad. When he introduces her to him, instead of saying, “It’s a pleasure to meet you!” or “Hello!” she covers her face and screams, “Oh GOD!” This turns out to be an omen of her behavior for the rest of the week. She’s already complaining that they’re out in the middle of nowhere. They’re cleaning fish and she’s cussing, screaming, and dry heaving.

Despina meets up with Austin and his dad, who is sporting a banjo. Depsina seemed a little weirded out by meeting his dad and Dad makes it weirder by playing his banjo from the get go and never stopping. Then, Despina amps up the Deliverance-ness of this trip by threatening to shove a sharpened stick up Austin’s brown starfish and tells him to squeal like a piggy. Steve points out that Despina’s body language is very standoff-ish. I would say so.

Ah! I must have sat on my remote again, because it sounds like the TV is set on Maury. Wait. Nevermind. That’s just Danielle. It seems that couth and discretion were never taught to Danielle. I cuss like a sailor, but there’s really a time and place for that language and it certainly isn’t on the first few dates or when meeting someone’s parents. Danielle blames her potty mouth on the fact that she’s terrified of anything “in the sea”. First off, you’re in the bayou. Second, a crawdad isn’t going to do nearly the damage that a gator will do, which is the number 1 reason you would NOT see my ass out there outside of a boat. Also, flailing around and screaming only makes you look like ready prey. CALM DOWN! Dad interviews that she needs to work on that mouth and isn’t a fan of the idea of her being around his grandkids. Whoopsy!

Stephanie’s having a great time, which scores points with me. They move into a beautiful area canopied by bald cypress. I can definitely see why she is so happy to be in that area. It’s right out of a southern gothic novel. Stephanie is very comfortable catching crabs from John and his dad. She’s hitting it off with John’s dad and he’s a super nice guy. I think John takes after his dad and this is solidified later on in this episode.

Next up is Shalana who meets Carl’s dad. She’s totally up for the challenge and this makes her pretty endearing. That’s good, because I always forget she exists. She’s far too mild for reality TV. I’m so proud of her for such a great attitude on this date until…

Hey, dad! You want some of this?

I’m no prude, but I’m just not cool with sticking my tongue in someone’s mouth in front of family members. How uncomfortable does Carl’s dad have to be right now? And doesn’t this kinda’ make Shalana look like a bit of a ho-bag? I mean, if there’s no like here, where is her line drawn? And did anyone else just love that broke-ass version of “Wicked Game”? I just didn’t find this nearly as appealing as the Chris Issak/Helena Christensen romp.

Now we get to see Elizabeth. I fully expect her high-maintenance ass to go postal. She makes a startling revelation – she is not an outdoorsy gal. What?! Surely you jest!

They get to catch swamp rats. She’s hyperventilating for real. Am I weird that I found those swamp rats cute? Steve applauds her for chilling out and partaking in the fun by driving the fan boat back to base. In reality, she was scare shitless and hauled ass on the boat back to safety.

Melissa is missing out on the fun. She’s going bowling with Nice Guy Chris. She’s supposed to be breaking things off with him. They’re having a great time and she flirts and hangs all over him. She tells us that she thinks he’s a great friend. They stop hanging on him!! I’m all for flirting with dudes even if you’re not truly interested, but it’s certainly not kosher to do it to a guy you know has a genuine interest in you.

I love you…as a friend.

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Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

13 Comments

  1. 1
    Veronica
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 6:37 am

    I agree that Elizabeth wears too much makeup and yadda yadda yadda but I think she’s the one girl who is really understanding what she needs to change and is working really hard to change it. Plus she is a sweetheart.

    Also – Melissa, super pretty? I don’t mean to be rude but I find her to be so physically unattractive. And her personality makes it even worse.

  2. 2
    featherhead
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 6:46 am

    I hope that Steve just cuts Melissa loose, I cannot stand that girl! She is ridiculous. I’m starting to think that maybe she doesn’t like any of the guys Steve sets her up with is because she doesn’t like guys.
    Awesome recap Sugarbush and even though I’m a yankee I’ve had cajun food and it is delish!

  3. 3
    RazzBeth
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Glad you brought that up, featherhead. Melissa may actually be one of those people that are miserable all their life until they realize that they are gay. Or she could just be a complete asshat. I really do wish she would get off my tv either way.

    John’s mother had me looking to see if I had Throw Momma from the Train in my DVD collection. Yeesh. What a bitch. I hope Stephanie and John get as far away from her as possible.

  4. 4
    labowner
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Sugarbush, thanks for filling in, the TMI and the awesome snark.

    I too am very annoyed at Melissa. Maybe she is gay or a-sexual. I think part of her problem is she tries to much and is living via others expectations regarding a relationship. She does not seem strong enough to be the person she wants to be.

    Would love a follow up on Tiffany, although I am sure we will never get the truth about that cluster.

    Love to see things going right for most of them.

    Sugarbush, I too am a transplanted mid-western yankee and I have had plenty of tasty cajun food.

    Danielle, you need a permanent zapper attached to you. Maybe a large case of nerves and low self-esteem?

  5. 5
    NatPatBen NatPatBen
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 9:51 am

    I ROFL’d at your “men’s idea of romance” because I could SOOO relate.

  6. 6
    Sugarbush Sugarbush
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 11:03 am

    @Veronica – I agree about Elizabeth. At first, I liked Melissa and Donna and didn’t like Despina and Elizabeth. Now that table has completely turned. Elizabeth and Despina are far more likable. At least they have excuses for being the way they are.

  7. 7
    Yvonne Aranda
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    Melissa acts like a little entitled bitch. Girl had a line of men & she couldn’t choose one? She has issues. I like Elizabeth more each episode, yea her mom messed her up, but I see major progress & change. Stephanie is also a sweet girl & John’s mom was way out of line. I’m glad to see that he stood up for her.

  8. 8
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted May 31, 2012 at 4:22 am

    Since Melissa has nothing to compare to all she is knows is what happens on tv and movies. She needs to wake up and realize that it’s not like that. You can’t tell me you see all the guys and you don’t find ONE physically attractive enough that you would want to at least get to know a little better.

    She is missing out on all the lessons because she can’t even find one date.

    Asking someone what’s the craziest thing they’ve ever done is not how you find out if you are attracted to someone. Again, that’s something you see people ask on tv. You can ask that question on your third date.

    Try where would you take me on our first date. That would give you an idea of who might be interested in the same things that you are.

    I like the rest of the girls. It seems like they are learning. Danielle just has to clean that mouth up and dial back the dramatics.

  9. 9
    Hol
    Posted May 31, 2012 at 11:51 am

    Hahahaha… Shake his penis at you.. Used to get that all time but accompanied by a shout of “Wienie wag!!!”

  10. 10
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted June 1, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    I don’t think Melissa is pretty either. Also, her body is shaped like spongebob. Someone who looks like her needs to understand her league and get into it, instead of wasting everyone’s time waiting for a broad-chested, shirtless Fabio to come riding up to her out of the sunset on a white horse as a breeze whips through his luxurious locks. When has she ever seen shit like that happen in real life? Come on, son. It also kind of sickens me how she jerks Chris around. He’s a good guy and doesn’t deserve her bullshit.

    And Stephanie was robbed this week. I’m a little biased because she’s my favorite in the house, but seriously, I think she did way better than Elizabeth. Maybe her food wasn’t as tasty, but she was way less high maintenance in the bayou and dealt with John’s mother’s bullshit with grace and tact. Meanwhile, Elizabeth screamed and squealed like one of the muskrats they were pulling out of the water. Which I agree are adorable…I wanted to bring one home, wash it, condition it, and blow dry its fur. They’re much cuter when their fur is all fluffy and soft instead of slicked down to their bodies. But anyway, all those histrionics were not necessary…nobody was asking her to bang the muskrat, just stand there and look at it. The scene of her cooking got on my last nerve. She’s just always in this state of crisis and I don’t know why. It’s headache inducing.

  11. 11
    labowner
    Posted June 1, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    Chaos she has learned that whoa is me behavior from her mom so a man will come swooping down and help her. She has never learned to be independent and do things for herself. She was way too comfortable when she was talking about a man feeding her and cutting up her food as if she was a child. Lots of daddy issues there that she blames on her mom.

  12. 12
    ms. g
    Posted June 4, 2012 at 9:01 am

    I don’t think Melissa is attractive either She wears WAY too much blush. I thought her “make-over” would include a make-up tone down. @Chaos “Come on son” lmao love it. I totally said that when she couldn’t pick out a guy. I think it might be possible she’s not comfortable with herself. I also think she might not like men. One of my friends is an almost 30 y.o. virgin and she’s kind of the same way. But she’s dated guys and likes them but wants them to sweep her off her feet. I just give her the side eye and say “Honey it ain’t gonna happen. Life isn’t the movies or a romance novel.” Do guys make sweeping gestures? Sure. I had a boyfriend fly to come see me every other month while we were both in college and he would send me care packages of home baked cookies and mail love notes cause I was like I never get mail. But that’s nothing compared to what you get brained washed with in the media.

    As for everyone else: Elizabeth I like her but I feel bad for her. She’s always in damsel in distress mode. She needs to have an orgasm and mellow out already. The girls should chip in and buy her a sybian or some other toy lol. Red-head potty mouth needs to just sit and look pretty maybe not open her mouth. I’m sure she has something going for her but not everyone will sit through her stream of cussing to figure it out. Elizabeth might be able to help her out with that. Stephanie I’m a sucker for an ex-fat girl cause I’m one too. I felt bad for her that woman was wicked. Maybe mom was baiting her to see how she would react? The rest are what they are. Thanks Sugarbush for the great recap.

  13. 13
    isthathissister
    Posted June 4, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    Agreed that Melissa needs to figure out her league and get there, because it’s like she waiting for a Brad Pitt to come along, but she’s no Angelina, so good luck with that.

    And am I the only one that initially thought Corey’s sister was a dude? She came out at first and I was like “No way. This is a joke. That’s his cousin in a dress.” Or maybe I just need to stop doing that pesky laundry and give my full attention to these reality shows… I’m not sure…

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