So, to perfect her timing, she waits until he goes to BUY HER LUNCH to work up the courage to dump him. He comes back to see her start to get all flustered in a bad way. His face drops and I just feel so bad for him. She interviews that she never finds anyone attractive initially until she’s had a few dates and gotten to know them and suddenly there’s a spark. OK, I hear this from chicks all.the.time. “Wah, I don’t have butterflies anymore! We need to get a divorce!”, “There’s no SPARK! We can’t be meant for one another. Waaah!” Blah blah blah. This is an illness and you catch it by watching cheesy romantic movies, most of them based on Nicholas Sparks books. Those aren’t based in reality, ladies. I love my husband. He’s the most perfect man on the planet for me. We’ve been together nearly 10 years and I can count on one hand how many times he’s been thoughtful or romantic. Most men’s idea of romance is shaking his penis at you after he gets out of the shower or laying on the bed naked and waggling his eyebrows.
Do you feel a spark now?
Back to Melissa. She tells him that she loves his personality and has so much fun with him, but there’s no spark so she has to end it. He must be thinking she’s a complete idiot. He takes it really well. I probably would have just told her to get a grip.
The next morning, Steve meets the girls in their kitchen and asks how the Dad Trip went. Danielle lies through her teeth that she had a blast. If that’s you having a blast, I’d hate to see you pissed off. He then asks Melissa how it went with Nice Guy Chris. She tells him he took it well. Steve makes it a point to tell the girls that he made Melissa talk to Chris about her feelings because we all know what it’s like to go out on dates with someone only for them to fall off the face of the earth.
Now on to the real reason Steve is there. He tells them they have to each make a traditional Louisiana recipe for their date. Each gets a recipe card and Donna makes her only appearance in this episode to tell us that she’s happy because she’s a professional chef. They have to make an additional portion for Steve and his mom. But wait, that’s not the truth. Really, that extra plate is for the dates’ moms and the recipe is the mom’s specialty.
It’s Shalana’s first time using a grill… OK, how do so many grown people make it through life not learning basic tasks like using a grill, sweeping a floor, or washing a load of laundry? Danielle stops by to complain, as usual. This time, her complaint is about the grill fire threatening her weave. Speaking of weave, there is a ton of loose hair about in this kitchen. I shudder at the thought of all the strands of hair falling into food there.
Elizabeth gets to make crawfish etouffee, something she’s never heard of before. I’ve lived my entire life in Dallas, so I’m fairly familiar with Cajun food. It’s sad knowing there are people on this planet who haven’t had the opportunity to experience the greatness that is Cajun food. Elizabeth is simply freaking out. She doesn’t even know what a pot is or how to chop veggies. She’s stabbing at a green pepper like a caveman would type on a computer. I keep trying to like her, but this is just frustrating. I can’t stand people who were blessed with healthy minds and bodies only to squander it away on being a lazy turd.
So, Elizabeth has to sautee her onions in oil and spices for 20 minutes, so she decides that’s a perfect opportunity in which to turn her attention elsewhere and work on other parts of the recipe. Uh oh. So, for 20 minutes, she’s left a pot with crap “sautéing” without ever having checked on it. Of course, it’s burnt into the pan now. She shows Despina who takes one look, rolls her eyes, and tells her she has to start “ovah”. Despina seems as annoyed by Elizabeth’s lack of functional independence as I am. Then, she finishes her rice and chops and basically rubs it in Elizabeth’s face. Teehee