Tough Love New Orleans Recap: We’ve All Got Crabs!

Tough Love

By Sugarbush | Wednesday, May 30, 2012 | 6:00 am | 13 Comments
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Posted in: Recaps, Tough Love

We’re all done and now we get to meet the moms. First up is Elizabeth. She comes in with her dishes and it looks like she may have done well on the food. Suddenly, in walks Mom. She looks like your typical Southern lady and I wonder what she’ll think of Elizaabeth’s troweled-on makeup and wicked Northern accent. Then it’s revealed that the dish she’s just cooked is that of Mom’s. Mom finds it delicious and thinks it’s better than hers. Mom loves Elizabeth and thinks she looks beautiful. Elizabeth cries in the interview. I guess she’s never met a mom since the moms of her typical ancient sugardaddies probably kicked it long ago.

Danielle joins up with Corey and immediately starts to be complainy. Surprise surprise. In walks Corey’s sister Richelle, who looks like she’s not going to be easy to impress. The first thing Richelle says to Danielle is that this dish is her own recipe. Richelle is not at all impressed by the cuisine.

Next up, Melissa with some random guy she’s never met before and he has a ridiculous Justin Beiber hairdo. I can’t blame Melissa for inwardly rejecting this guy on sight. The problem is, however, that her disappointment reads all over her face and she just comes across as aloof the entire dinner. I really, really liked her at first, but now she’s just a pain in the ass. Justin Beiber’s mom was so nice which angers me even more.

Stephanie sits down with John and in walks a redhead with a giant cross hanging from her neck. They say Grace at the request of Johns’s mom. Stephanie goes with the flow and is very respectful about it. John points out to Stephanie that she has cooked his mom’s recipe to which his mother replies, “It’s very different.” John nearly chokes on his food when she says this, so I’m pretty sure this is par for the course with his mom. And it only gets worse. Mom suggests that Stephanie use Italian sausage next time and Steph tells her she’ll have to teach her in person next time. This would be a good cover had she not said it out the side of her mouth with an eye roll. But, who can blame her.

Next up, she asks what church she belongs to. Steph deftly skirts the issue by letting her know she was raised Catholic. Mom asks where she’s from and Steph tells her that she is from Dallas (hollah!). “A true Texan?” she asks. Nope, born in PA. While, as a true Texan, I appreciate her honest response to this question, Mom comes back that she’s really particular about the girls her son dates. Uh oh. No Yanks for this good ol’ boy.

You see this cross? It wards off vagina and chicks with hot dog lips.

John’s mom tells him that she’s not the kind of girl for him. John defends Stephanie, which is awesome. I bet he’s so exasperated by his beast of a mom. There’s only one solution for a mom like that.

I’m sorry, Mama! You made me do it!

DING DONG! Is that house landing on John’s mom? Nope, it’s a delivery for Despina. She’s truly surprised to find a dozen roses and a gift from Austin. The gift is a silver keychain that reads “You hold the key to our next date.” Of course, Despina doesn’t get to read it, because women don’t like other women to get surprises. As the girls descend upon Despina’s first sweet gift from a man, they find there’s a “microchip” in it. It’s an SD card with a video from Austin asking her out on a date at the airport where he works.

Despina shows emotion for the first time over this romantic gesture. I’m sad, because this is the first time she’s been treated so sweetly by a man instead of like a piece of meat.

She meets him at an airplane hangar and he’s got the romantic-dinner-in-a-box set up.

Like it? I got it at Party City.

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Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

13 Comments

  1. 1
    Veronica
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 6:37 am

    I agree that Elizabeth wears too much makeup and yadda yadda yadda but I think she’s the one girl who is really understanding what she needs to change and is working really hard to change it. Plus she is a sweetheart.

    Also – Melissa, super pretty? I don’t mean to be rude but I find her to be so physically unattractive. And her personality makes it even worse.

  2. 2
    featherhead
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 6:46 am

    I hope that Steve just cuts Melissa loose, I cannot stand that girl! She is ridiculous. I’m starting to think that maybe she doesn’t like any of the guys Steve sets her up with is because she doesn’t like guys.
    Awesome recap Sugarbush and even though I’m a yankee I’ve had cajun food and it is delish!

  3. 3
    RazzBeth
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Glad you brought that up, featherhead. Melissa may actually be one of those people that are miserable all their life until they realize that they are gay. Or she could just be a complete asshat. I really do wish she would get off my tv either way.

    John’s mother had me looking to see if I had Throw Momma from the Train in my DVD collection. Yeesh. What a bitch. I hope Stephanie and John get as far away from her as possible.

  4. 4
    labowner
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Sugarbush, thanks for filling in, the TMI and the awesome snark.

    I too am very annoyed at Melissa. Maybe she is gay or a-sexual. I think part of her problem is she tries to much and is living via others expectations regarding a relationship. She does not seem strong enough to be the person she wants to be.

    Would love a follow up on Tiffany, although I am sure we will never get the truth about that cluster.

    Love to see things going right for most of them.

    Sugarbush, I too am a transplanted mid-western yankee and I have had plenty of tasty cajun food.

    Danielle, you need a permanent zapper attached to you. Maybe a large case of nerves and low self-esteem?

  5. 5
    NatPatBen NatPatBen
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 9:51 am

    I ROFL’d at your “men’s idea of romance” because I could SOOO relate.

  6. 6
    Sugarbush Sugarbush
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 11:03 am

    @Veronica – I agree about Elizabeth. At first, I liked Melissa and Donna and didn’t like Despina and Elizabeth. Now that table has completely turned. Elizabeth and Despina are far more likable. At least they have excuses for being the way they are.

  7. 7
    Yvonne Aranda
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    Melissa acts like a little entitled bitch. Girl had a line of men & she couldn’t choose one? She has issues. I like Elizabeth more each episode, yea her mom messed her up, but I see major progress & change. Stephanie is also a sweet girl & John’s mom was way out of line. I’m glad to see that he stood up for her.

  8. 8
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted May 31, 2012 at 4:22 am

    Since Melissa has nothing to compare to all she is knows is what happens on tv and movies. She needs to wake up and realize that it’s not like that. You can’t tell me you see all the guys and you don’t find ONE physically attractive enough that you would want to at least get to know a little better.

    She is missing out on all the lessons because she can’t even find one date.

    Asking someone what’s the craziest thing they’ve ever done is not how you find out if you are attracted to someone. Again, that’s something you see people ask on tv. You can ask that question on your third date.

    Try where would you take me on our first date. That would give you an idea of who might be interested in the same things that you are.

    I like the rest of the girls. It seems like they are learning. Danielle just has to clean that mouth up and dial back the dramatics.

  9. 9
    Hol
    Posted May 31, 2012 at 11:51 am

    Hahahaha… Shake his penis at you.. Used to get that all time but accompanied by a shout of “Wienie wag!!!”

  10. 10
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted June 1, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    I don’t think Melissa is pretty either. Also, her body is shaped like spongebob. Someone who looks like her needs to understand her league and get into it, instead of wasting everyone’s time waiting for a broad-chested, shirtless Fabio to come riding up to her out of the sunset on a white horse as a breeze whips through his luxurious locks. When has she ever seen shit like that happen in real life? Come on, son. It also kind of sickens me how she jerks Chris around. He’s a good guy and doesn’t deserve her bullshit.

    And Stephanie was robbed this week. I’m a little biased because she’s my favorite in the house, but seriously, I think she did way better than Elizabeth. Maybe her food wasn’t as tasty, but she was way less high maintenance in the bayou and dealt with John’s mother’s bullshit with grace and tact. Meanwhile, Elizabeth screamed and squealed like one of the muskrats they were pulling out of the water. Which I agree are adorable…I wanted to bring one home, wash it, condition it, and blow dry its fur. They’re much cuter when their fur is all fluffy and soft instead of slicked down to their bodies. But anyway, all those histrionics were not necessary…nobody was asking her to bang the muskrat, just stand there and look at it. The scene of her cooking got on my last nerve. She’s just always in this state of crisis and I don’t know why. It’s headache inducing.

  11. 11
    labowner
    Posted June 1, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    Chaos she has learned that whoa is me behavior from her mom so a man will come swooping down and help her. She has never learned to be independent and do things for herself. She was way too comfortable when she was talking about a man feeding her and cutting up her food as if she was a child. Lots of daddy issues there that she blames on her mom.

  12. 12
    ms. g
    Posted June 4, 2012 at 9:01 am

    I don’t think Melissa is attractive either She wears WAY too much blush. I thought her “make-over” would include a make-up tone down. @Chaos “Come on son” lmao love it. I totally said that when she couldn’t pick out a guy. I think it might be possible she’s not comfortable with herself. I also think she might not like men. One of my friends is an almost 30 y.o. virgin and she’s kind of the same way. But she’s dated guys and likes them but wants them to sweep her off her feet. I just give her the side eye and say “Honey it ain’t gonna happen. Life isn’t the movies or a romance novel.” Do guys make sweeping gestures? Sure. I had a boyfriend fly to come see me every other month while we were both in college and he would send me care packages of home baked cookies and mail love notes cause I was like I never get mail. But that’s nothing compared to what you get brained washed with in the media.

    As for everyone else: Elizabeth I like her but I feel bad for her. She’s always in damsel in distress mode. She needs to have an orgasm and mellow out already. The girls should chip in and buy her a sybian or some other toy lol. Red-head potty mouth needs to just sit and look pretty maybe not open her mouth. I’m sure she has something going for her but not everyone will sit through her stream of cussing to figure it out. Elizabeth might be able to help her out with that. Stephanie I’m a sucker for an ex-fat girl cause I’m one too. I felt bad for her that woman was wicked. Maybe mom was baiting her to see how she would react? The rest are what they are. Thanks Sugarbush for the great recap.

  13. 13
    isthathissister
    Posted June 4, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    Agreed that Melissa needs to figure out her league and get there, because it’s like she waiting for a Brad Pitt to come along, but she’s no Angelina, so good luck with that.

    And am I the only one that initially thought Corey’s sister was a dude? She came out at first and I was like “No way. This is a joke. That’s his cousin in a dress.” Or maybe I just need to stop doing that pesky laundry and give my full attention to these reality shows… I’m not sure…

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