Trailer Trash: This week in Theaters 02/01/13

Recaps

By TheMiki | Wednesday, January 30, 2013 | 1:41 pm | 2 Comments
Posted in: Recaps

Bullet to the Head

Does anyone else ever wonder what would happen if Sylvester Stallone had a stroke?  Like, would anyone even notice that half his face was frozen?  What if he stroked out on the other side of his body?  Would he start talking like a normal human being?  Remember back when Hollywood stars had the decency to overdose before shit like this movie started happening…?

TheMiki Attendance Likelihood: Not even if you paid me good money and let me bring a portable DVD player with headphones and an actual good movie in it.  Just… Just no.

 

Stand Up Guys

***sigh***  What did I JUST say about stars having the decency to overdose before this shit happened?  Christopher Walken gets a pass, cause he’s Christopher Walken, but that’s not enough to make a movie worth watching.  I have YouTube, thanks.  I’ll just spend my weekend watching him read the lyrics to “Poker Face” instead.

TheMiki Attendance Likelihood:  I would rather see this than the Stallone retirement film above, but only barely.  How many of these fucking movies do we need to hate before people stop paying money to see them?

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TheMiki
About

I enjoy mocking other people because it's the only thing I'm really good at, and I think we should all use the gifts God gave us.  My childhood was way more fucked up than yours, and yet I'm a fully productive member of society with no criminal record or bastard children.  As such, listening to coked-out hookers whine about their baby-daddies getting arrested and how they live this life cause their mama didn't breastfeed them makes me want to throw furniture at my TV.  When I'm not tearing down people on television I like to paint, write, drink coffee, hike, and make pathetic attempts to play the guitar, because chicks dig a lady with an instrument.

2 Comments

  1. 1
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 4:29 pm

    The only movie I’m looking forward to this month is Beautiful Creatures. The book was so good. My room mate seems to be under the impression I only watch movies based on books. Since those are the only movies I get excited about it.

    Okay, first Arnold Schwarzenegger and now Sylvester Stallone. I hope there isn’t some horrible trend starting and next Jean Claude Van Damme is going show up.

    You got to admire how small they wrote the Georgia part in the Haunting in Connecticut poster.

  2. 2
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 4:43 pm

    Thanks, TMiki for the warnings.

    Old dudes should just enjoy all their money and their babe collections and mansions and leave the movies to the ones who we would really like to see.

    @Sagit, bite your tongue. If you even think it, it might happen.

    Yikes.

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