True Blood: Can You Feel the HATE Tonight?

True Blood

By McWeanis | Thursday, July 26, 2012 | 2:00 pm | 10 Comments
Posted in: Recaps, True Blood

Ummm, yeeaa. Hook me up with some of that stuff. Cause they are high as ballllllls, strutting down Bourbon St. Russell and Steve Newlin are going to bone.

age is just a number!

Eric’s giving Bill a piggyback. I tried to get a good shot of that for some fan-fic inspiration, but I failed you all :( The troupe arrives at a karaoke bar, where a bride-to-be is singing to her fiance. Russell pops on stage, is swiftly recognized, and all the vamps start nommin. Slaughter time!

i wanna do real bad things (to) you!

It’s actually quite a scary scene. I especially don’t like that African Chancellor is drinking from some ladies vag, and that a little boy is getting eaten. Wahhh!

All of a sudden, there’s some weird light, and Lilith magically appears out of a drop of blood. At first she’s all bloody and gross.

Mystique?

lovely carpet.

Then she’s all naked and hot. And I think her nipples are pretty big, although I’m not the most experienced judge – thoughts? She also has incredibly shaped pubes. Oh the grooming! She spits red dust, and the sucking of innocents continues – except for Eric. He has a vision of Godric, telling him to save Nora from the evil Lilith.

the friendly ghost!

Or something. I don’t know. I love Godric, but he was way more interesting alive than as a glowing conscience.

Sookie & Jason

Last we saw Sookie, she was getting fried by the Claude–s.

what’s that about adjusting attractiveness based on context?

Unfortunately, there is no lasting damage. Right after the fae sisters blast her, they heal her and check her “luminescence,” or the remainder of her fairy powers.

MAGICAL GLOWING FAERIE VAGINA!

Since Sookie’s only half-faery, her powers aren’t infinite – and she doesn’t have much left! Jason wants to “plug her in and charge her back up.” But Sookie gets a little glitter in her eyes when she thinks about becoming human.

The next morning, Jason brings Sook breakfast in bed for a little heart to heart. For a long time, everyone blamed Jason for the parents’ death. (Why? I don’t remember, anybody?) Sookie never let Jason feel like it was his fault, so now he’s going to do the same for her, now that we knew her little faerie bandaid was the cause.

After a montage of all Sookie’s faerie drama/pain over the years, she starts shooting random lightbolts. Drain those powers girl!

Across the lawn/cemetary/thing, Jason stops by Jessica’s to mope about his parent’s murder. Unfortunately, she’s nomming a random dude at the time.

spoiling her dinner

She tries to hide it, but Jason tastes the blood on her mouth when they kiss. (WHAT ABOUT AIDS!??!?!) And he is piisssssed at Jessica for being a blood slut.

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McWeanis
About

first thing's first: the origin of "mcweanis."

It is not because I have a giant weanis (look it up) although it is usually unusually bulbous and crusty.

it is in fact because as a child i was dubbed Weanie (it rhymes with my first name, because i'm awesomely named)  by my older sister Drunk, which my friends co-opted and which eventually evolved into weanis and finally mcweanis or MC weanis depending on how gangster i am at the time.

i am a huge nerd of all kinds, especially tv, books, and school. i'll be going to harvard law school in the fall cause i'm so SCHMANCY! i plan to put my excellent time management skills to work in balancing my courseload and my must-watch-tv-load.

10 Comments

  1. 1
    Tracy
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    I’ve heard speculation that the reason they showed Sheriff Dearborn is that he’s “Dragon”, so maybe it wasn’t a useless scene.

  2. 2
    someguy
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    I feel the same way. The show is. Becoming like LOST keep waiting for something to happen and it never does. Now we have another season to kill Russell. Gee wonder if sookie and Bill fall in love again. Your recaps keep me hanging in and watching the show but will soon take the time to read your great recaps and not watch this show.

  3. 3
    someguy
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Oh was Tara dancing to some music in her head or something. Seemed off beat to the music that was in the background unless she was going for that sad and out it stripped dance

  4. 4
    MissZag
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    Hocus Pocus!! Love that movie.

    This episode was a little on the slow side, but I LOL’d so many times that I was more entertained than normal. It’s like they upped the cheese factor on purpose. Bourbon street was AWESOME, haha (excpet the two things you mentioned).

    Thanks for recapping this show! Makes it even more enjoyable for me, and it can’t be easy with all the jumping around it does.

  5. 5
    Laura Gill Laura Gill
    Posted July 26, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    Kibwe the African American vamp wasn’t chowing down on the lady’s vag, but her femoral artery.

  6. 6
    SuburBint
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 10:05 am

    My life might have gone in a very different direction if I had a Dominatrix Eighties Vampire Lesbian Barbie to play with while I was growing up. *sigh* Oh well.

  7. 7
    Bronwen
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    I think True Blood has jumped the shark. There are too many damn storylines at once, so each one gets shorted and you never know what the hell is going on. They could get rid of Russell, Lafayette’s a demon, the fairies, Jessica/Hoyt, and the smoke monster and I would be pleased. None of those were in the books anyway. Although they’re so far off the books, it doesn’t really matter anymore.

  8. 8
    iwantadventure
    Posted July 29, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    I liked this episode it made me giggle a lot! I absolutely loved Russell singing and when they kill Russell off Denis O’Hare should go do weddings! OMG movie spinoff “The Vampire Wedding Singer” lol! Anyway, Sookie is stupid. I actually really like Martha, she takes no shit. I guess Sookie lost all sex appeal when she puked on Alcide’s shoes and Eric went to all that trouble to make Alcide find her disgusting. He moved on pretty quickly. I feel like, or maybe it’s just my hope, that everything is going to come together and suddenly make a whole lot of sense. Sometimes there’s a bigger idea and this season is off because we’re being set up for next season epicness! Admittedly this season has been slow but it’s also been one of the funniest with some of the best lines from the series. I love your recaps so please don’t give up on it yet!

  9. 9
    beachgal
    Posted July 30, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Could we pretty please get a nsfw tag if there is going to be nudity in the recaps. As much as I love your recaps, I love my job more.

  10. 10
    mcweanis
    Posted July 30, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    WHOOPS! i forgot that people have jobs and that female nudity is a thing. honestly though i didnt even think of it

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