True Blood: iraqidemonfaeryshiftervampwolfWHAAA

True Blood

By McWeanis | Tuesday, July 3, 2012 | 10:40 pm | 9 Comments
Posted in: Recaps, True Blood

Heh! Remember that time that last week there were a lot of storylines? Also, remember a lot of random little diddles of scenes that never went anywhere? Well, tonight, True Blood’s going to address ALL OF THEM! (Just kidding, only like two, but they’re still pretty random. You’ll see.)

I’m going to start with the stories that are completely disconnected and make no sense. Yay!

WTF, Terry

FLASH to one of the Dakotas (who cares which?) It’s Terry and his army buddy Patrick, looking for another one of their army buddies, who may or may not have done something bad or something. Oh wait, things are about to be explained sort of:

FLASH to Iraq, where the army boys are celebrating the fourth of july with booze, drugs, and fireworks. And by fireworks, I mean they are cheering as they see some (oddly beautiful) bombs rain down on some Iraqi town in the distance. 

screw fireworks! I want me some bombs this fourth of july!

Most of the guys are sitting in a prayer tower, with one sentry downstairs. They’re singing and being patriotic about death when some Iraqi guy come up yelling. Not sure if it’s for singing or being in the prayer tower or being soldiers or what. When the Iraqi guy says “Fuck you Bush,” the sentry shoots him right dead.

one hundred percent dead

Everyone is like shiiiit. (I thought stuff like this happened all the time, but I guess I’m not in the army.) Of course, there’s never just one Iraqi, and mourning community members/ family members merge from the woodwork, while the original crazy guy continues to shoot everyone. Everything’s super confusing, which I guess is the point; I can’t tell whether the Americans were ever being shot at or not. It’s scary, and one of the soldiers is wounded, and there’s a whole pile of Iraqi dead bodies and Terry flips. This is traumatic and all; is there any special reason why Terry is the most traumatized? Was he supposed to be in charge? I couldn’t tell.

So anyway, that whole FLASH to Iraq was Terry’s nightmare as he drives to mysterious army buddy #2′s house. When they get there, night has fallen. The obvious choice is to investigate a creepy structure owned by a possible murderer in the middle of the night! Oh, let’s go into his secret underground dungeon! Which is full of really creepy pics of fire and dead looking stuff. (How many crazy people actually have a secret crazy bunker? Lazy writers.) As Terry and Patrick check out all this evidence, mysterious army buddy #2 pops out of the darkness with a gun on them.

Sooooo… WTF. Is this guy the same crazy guy who shot all the Iraqis? Why is he being crazy now? Was it the actual shooting that messed with Terry, or is there some even more messed up coverup on the way (like killing a member of the crew who wanted to tattle?) Is he really responsible for Terry’s house fire? If so, why did we see the fire starting itself, presumably from the ghost? If not, why didn’t the guy try to burn Terry’s house down too? So far, this storyline is stupid.

WTF, Lafayette

After Alcide speeds off in a huff, Lafayette comes outside to confront Sookie as well. She’s the one who’s been saying they have to keep the Debbie thing quiet the whole time, and now she’s gone and opened her mouth. Why, you might ask? She’s following Gran’s advice: if you do the right thing, it’ll be alright. (yea, I gave up on that when I was like five). Lafayette’s on my side: yea, everything works out for SOOKIE, but everyone around her gets screwed. She’s the angel of death. Burn.
So, since Lafayette’s so mad at Sookie, he decides to… turn into a demon and put a curse on her car?

is this racist?

Which later spins out of control as the tires, brakes, axel and everything start to break and fall off the car? Which Sookie crashes into a tree, but she leaps out at JUST THE LAST SECOND? Which Lafayette later finds, and sort of remembers he put a curse on her car, even though he didn’t mean to?

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McWeanis
About

first thing's first: the origin of "mcweanis."

It is not because I have a giant weanis (look it up) although it is usually unusually bulbous and crusty.

it is in fact because as a child i was dubbed Weanie (it rhymes with my first name, because i'm awesomely named)  by my older sister Drunk, which my friends co-opted and which eventually evolved into weanis and finally mcweanis or MC weanis depending on how gangster i am at the time.

i am a huge nerd of all kinds, especially tv, books, and school. i'll be going to harvard law school in the fall cause i'm so SCHMANCY! i plan to put my excellent time management skills to work in balancing my courseload and my must-watch-tv-load.

9 Comments

  1. 1
    Mob Mistress
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    I think the seducing of regular folk is an attempt to impregnate the fairies.

  2. 2
    Laura Gill Laura Gill
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 11:03 pm

    How is it that Sookie didn’t notice the HUGE claw marks on the hood of her car?!

  3. 3
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 12:09 am

    @McWeanis: I do think that Lafayette’s Brujo power has always been evil. When he embraced it after Jesus died, he went to a very dark place and had to fight his urges (with the help of ghost-Jesus). So, I assume it’s kind of a Hulk-like power; when he gets extremely angry, he crafts a spell as the Brujo and then doesn’t remember when he’s back to being Lafayette. I actually thought that was in character and true to what occurred last season.

  4. 4
    Zatanna
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 8:52 am

    I thought Alcide knew about the Russell thing since it was his construction site or something…? Maybe I am just making this up in my head though.

    Anyhow yeah, too random, but the good parts made it worthwhile. With all the coordinated dance routines in Fae-ville, I’m wondering if they are going to introduce Claude into the show…that could be amusing haha.

  5. 5
    carol
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    The fairy safe house/club is the same place the guy that Jessica chased last week ran too. So was random accent guy the only male fairy and the rest of the fairies are his harem. Also, the whole new story of Jason and Snookie’s parents death/murder was introduced.

    The scene with the true death of the Kid counsel member was very well done. The leaders lines after with the blood dripping down his face and on his teeth was so disturbing but it was so True Blood. Any other show it would have been scary but it was almost comical on this show.

    Thank you for that Magic Mike photo. Alcide was great as Big Dick Richie, I can’t remember a single thing the character said, just remember what he looked like.

    I feel like as pointless as the Terry side story is, it has been building. They have always hinted at his PTSD since season 1. I just feel like it needs to be wrapped up faster, unless somehow it is going to come full circle and involve vampires or werewolves.

  6. 6
    iwantadventure
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    Thanks for including the Magic Mike pic the movie and great and I’ve been waiting all season for naked Alcide…Four consecutive episodes Alcide has clothes on! It’s True Blood blasphemy. The HBO GO extras said the four people that knew about Russell were Bill, Eric, Pam and Alcide. I don’t think Alcide did it because he’s the one who found the hole and one of the construction workers glamored. Whoever released Russell was a vampire…Maybe Nan did it! Anyway, there was way too much going on in this episode, also we haven’t seen any Luna since Emma turned into a werewolf, they just left that hanging. It was so heartbreaking when Eric released Pam, but it was quite funny when she told Eric he’s a grandfather. Tara still annoys me, I was really hoping the tanning bed would be the end of her. And maybe it’s just me but I thought Sookie’s Escapes lyrics were funny. Also Alcide doesn’t strike me as an Aqua Velva kind of guy, I feel like he wouldn’t wear cologne but if he did it seems like he’d be an Old Spice kind of guy.

  7. 7
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted July 5, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    That was probably one of the worse drunk scenes I have ever witnessed. I mean can you slur your words a bit to make it believe able.

  8. 8
    NikkiHughes
    Posted July 6, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    I just moved and don’t have cable yet, so I JUST watched this episode online finally. I haven’t started reading yet, but…iraqidemonfaeryshiftervampwolfWHAAA……bwaaaahahahahhaha! Love.It.

  9. 9
    Sel
    Posted July 17, 2012 at 11:30 pm

    WTF?! How did Terry and Patrick manage to come home from war alive? They cluelessly go into the secret underground bunker WHICH HAS LIGHTS ON! And don’t think that there might be someone home?

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