True Blood: iraqidemonfaeryshiftervampwolfWHAAA

True Blood

By McWeanis | Tuesday, July 3, 2012 | 10:40 pm | 9 Comments
Posted in: Recaps, True Blood

Again, questions. Why is the demon evil in Lafayette if it wasn’t evil in Jesus? Was Jesus just strong enough to control it, or does he have special Hispanic powers? Is Jesus’ evil grandpa involved in this somehow? Where the hell did Jesus’ dead body go, anyway, and is that related to this? So far, this storyline is stupid.

WTF, Faeries

Remember the judge Andy bent over for? He’s taking Jason and Andy to party and making weird jokes about Andy’s internet butt. The evening begins with three beautiful women, a limousine, and… bags being placed on the boys’ heads. The girls lead them to the middle of a field, and it appears that they are faeries, since they make the little faery light flash and then all six of them walk through thin air. Into a weird burlesque club. Actually, judging by the way the judge grabs a faery and runs off, it’s more like a brothel. There’s lots of lingerie and coordinated dance routines. I just saw Magic Mike and that club was way better.

Jason goes out to make out with a random blond faery, and Andy immediately runs into that faery he SO RANDOMLY had sex with in the woods a long time ago when he was still on V. He immediately starts making out with her.

WHAT ABOUT HOLLY? Also, WHY does this super hot fairy want to make out with ANDY? I DON’T GET IT!

The writers finally give us a little bit of a bone when Jason spots his fairy cousin, Hadley. Apparently this is a fairy safe house, away from vampires. Hadley also spills some beans about Jason’s parents being killed by the vampires. Jason’s make-out faery shoos Hadley away, and Jason gives chase, resulting in a confrontation with the faery bouncers (hehehe). Jason and Andy get thrown out back on the grass, and as the episode ends they are fried with some faery light by the faery bouncers- memory snuffer, if I had to guess.

What the hell. I have no idea. Why is the judge there? Why do faeries like gross, old, semi-powerful men? Why are all the faeries in rural Louisiana?

WTF, Shifters

Remember Sam’s old shifter friends? They’ve stopped by Merlotte’s to invite him to come run again. I guess he’s been ignoring the group. He promises to come run that night, since Luna isn’t coming.

Sam shows up for his midnight shifter run and THEY BE DEAD. That’s right, the two shifter friends who came to Merlotte’s have holes in their heads. Why? Who knows. Do we need another storyline? Nope. The only people who come to mind as the murderers are werewolves, and I thought they already knew Sam didn’t kill Marcus. Plus, holes in the head is a little clean for them.

WTF, traitorous Authority council members

The Guardian and Salome are enjoying a little relaxing bedtime TV – Nora’s torture video. The Guardian can’t give up on getting the names of the Sanguinista allies out of her. This time, he’s turning Salome on Nora, since they love each other like sisters.

Meanwhile, the Authority council people are sassily monitoring the boys movement and questioning: Is Russell really alive? Is it a Sanguinista hoax? Is Scandivia really the most liberal place in the world? One great lines comes from Serious Foreign council member, who comments that the vampire Bible is “just a book. I know the guy who wrote it and he was high the whole time.”

The Guardian and Salome again promise to spare Nora’s life if she betrays her allies, but she’s not in to it. She will tell to protect Eric and Bill’s safety, though. Isn’t Salome the only one who knows and Eric and Nora are vamp siblings? Isn’t the Guardian wondering why Nora even cares about those two? I’m certainly wondering. This character came out of nowhere and I don’t really get who she is or her end game.

Anyway, Salome does a yummy little blood oath to promise Eric and Bill’s safety if Nora reveals the traitor. Which she does. But we don’t get to hear the name yet.

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McWeanis
About

first thing's first: the origin of "mcweanis."

It is not because I have a giant weanis (look it up) although it is usually unusually bulbous and crusty.

it is in fact because as a child i was dubbed Weanie (it rhymes with my first name, because i'm awesomely named)  by my older sister Drunk, which my friends co-opted and which eventually evolved into weanis and finally mcweanis or MC weanis depending on how gangster i am at the time.

i am a huge nerd of all kinds, especially tv, books, and school. i'll be going to harvard law school in the fall cause i'm so SCHMANCY! i plan to put my excellent time management skills to work in balancing my courseload and my must-watch-tv-load.

9 Comments

  1. 1
    Mob Mistress
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    I think the seducing of regular folk is an attempt to impregnate the fairies.

  2. 2
    Laura Gill Laura Gill
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 11:03 pm

    How is it that Sookie didn’t notice the HUGE claw marks on the hood of her car?!

  3. 3
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 12:09 am

    @McWeanis: I do think that Lafayette’s Brujo power has always been evil. When he embraced it after Jesus died, he went to a very dark place and had to fight his urges (with the help of ghost-Jesus). So, I assume it’s kind of a Hulk-like power; when he gets extremely angry, he crafts a spell as the Brujo and then doesn’t remember when he’s back to being Lafayette. I actually thought that was in character and true to what occurred last season.

  4. 4
    Zatanna
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 8:52 am

    I thought Alcide knew about the Russell thing since it was his construction site or something…? Maybe I am just making this up in my head though.

    Anyhow yeah, too random, but the good parts made it worthwhile. With all the coordinated dance routines in Fae-ville, I’m wondering if they are going to introduce Claude into the show…that could be amusing haha.

  5. 5
    carol
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    The fairy safe house/club is the same place the guy that Jessica chased last week ran too. So was random accent guy the only male fairy and the rest of the fairies are his harem. Also, the whole new story of Jason and Snookie’s parents death/murder was introduced.

    The scene with the true death of the Kid counsel member was very well done. The leaders lines after with the blood dripping down his face and on his teeth was so disturbing but it was so True Blood. Any other show it would have been scary but it was almost comical on this show.

    Thank you for that Magic Mike photo. Alcide was great as Big Dick Richie, I can’t remember a single thing the character said, just remember what he looked like.

    I feel like as pointless as the Terry side story is, it has been building. They have always hinted at his PTSD since season 1. I just feel like it needs to be wrapped up faster, unless somehow it is going to come full circle and involve vampires or werewolves.

  6. 6
    iwantadventure
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    Thanks for including the Magic Mike pic the movie and great and I’ve been waiting all season for naked Alcide…Four consecutive episodes Alcide has clothes on! It’s True Blood blasphemy. The HBO GO extras said the four people that knew about Russell were Bill, Eric, Pam and Alcide. I don’t think Alcide did it because he’s the one who found the hole and one of the construction workers glamored. Whoever released Russell was a vampire…Maybe Nan did it! Anyway, there was way too much going on in this episode, also we haven’t seen any Luna since Emma turned into a werewolf, they just left that hanging. It was so heartbreaking when Eric released Pam, but it was quite funny when she told Eric he’s a grandfather. Tara still annoys me, I was really hoping the tanning bed would be the end of her. And maybe it’s just me but I thought Sookie’s Escapes lyrics were funny. Also Alcide doesn’t strike me as an Aqua Velva kind of guy, I feel like he wouldn’t wear cologne but if he did it seems like he’d be an Old Spice kind of guy.

  7. 7
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted July 5, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    That was probably one of the worse drunk scenes I have ever witnessed. I mean can you slur your words a bit to make it believe able.

  8. 8
    NikkiHughes
    Posted July 6, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    I just moved and don’t have cable yet, so I JUST watched this episode online finally. I haven’t started reading yet, but…iraqidemonfaeryshiftervampwolfWHAAA……bwaaaahahahahhaha! Love.It.

  9. 9
    Sel
    Posted July 17, 2012 at 11:30 pm

    WTF?! How did Terry and Patrick manage to come home from war alive? They cluelessly go into the secret underground bunker WHICH HAS LIGHTS ON! And don’t think that there might be someone home?

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