True Blood Recap: Everybody Hurts, Everybody Fries

True Blood

By McWeanis | Wednesday, July 18, 2012 | 5:00 pm | 13 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, True Blood

The Hoyt is Mine

Jessica and Tara’s fight is quickly shut down by Pam. Tara’s getting a little big for her leather dominatrix chaps, calling Fangtasia “MY house.” Pam takes care of that; this is HER house. (Tara: “Yes, Missy Pam.”) Pam’s proud of Tara’s fighting skills – like she would be proud of a well-trained dog. Yikes. Some serious slavery metaphors going on here.

So, Jessica’s plan to be besties with Tara went out the window. Jessica’s misery is compounded by a little visit from Hoyt, clearly drunk off alcohol or being drained or something. He thinks Jessica’s decision to save his life means she’s still in love with him. (You know Hoyt, there is an in-between place where you’re not in love with a person, and also don’t want them to die.) He gives one of the saddest little speeches in True Blood history:

“You wanna glamour me? You wanna hypnotize me and do everything you ever wanted to do with a human being no matter how depraved? I don’t give a fuck. But will you please just do it with me?”

wounded puppy in a purple cutoff.

That really hurts. And it really freaks Jessica out, because it is so far from the sweet Hoyt she used to know, and he’s clearly changing just to get to her.

the familiar faces of dealing with a pathetic ex.

Later, in a back alley, Hoyt’s getting sucked up when the vamp warns him his heart is slowing way down. Hoyt tells him to keep sucking. Luckily for Hoyt lovers and Jessica’s guilt, the Obama mask supe-killers pull up in the van and explodify Hoyt’s suck buddy. They are in fact a bunch of hick white boys – and they recognize Hoyt, and pull him into their van to save him.

Faeryland

More sad stuff… Jason naps and dreams of his dad. They’re almost the same age, now, which is tragic.

Jason tells him about his last dream, the breakfast one: “Daddy, you called me champ! Like you used to! Although I’d forgotten you ever did that.”Jason blabs the whole dream away, and his dad only gets one line: “The only thing you have to fear, i-” and then Jason wakes up. (Fear itself, amirite?)

Holly, Sookie and Arlene have a nice bonding about how men suck – I feel you girls! – when Jason storms in to share the fairy nightclub/parent murdering news. He takes Sookie to the big open field/faerie nightclub. (Hilariously, he tries to recover his stolen tie from a faerie only to get man-solicited.) There’s also a really unnecessarily long faerie dancing montage. Ew.

So remember how a long time ago faeries were evil or something and we never resolved that? I guess we’re going there now. Also, remember that really gross “meth teeth, bat eared” faerie man who helped Sookie escape Queen Mab? He’s back, but he’s hot now, cause I guess faeries adjust their hotness or something. His sister Claudine is dead, but all his other Claude-named sisters are around. He tells the ‘true’ story of how mom and dad Stackhouse died:

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McWeanis
About

first thing's first: the origin of "mcweanis."

It is not because I have a giant weanis (look it up) although it is usually unusually bulbous and crusty.

it is in fact because as a child i was dubbed Weanie (it rhymes with my first name, because i'm awesomely named)  by my older sister Drunk, which my friends co-opted and which eventually evolved into weanis and finally mcweanis or MC weanis depending on how gangster i am at the time.

i am a huge nerd of all kinds, especially tv, books, and school. i'll be going to harvard law school in the fall cause i'm so SCHMANCY! i plan to put my excellent time management skills to work in balancing my courseload and my must-watch-tv-load.

13 Comments

  1. 1
    Closet Fan
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 4:51 am

    Love your recaps!

  2. 2
    ellemck1
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 5:56 am

    My mombl and I wondered if whenHoyt was being drained close to death and the vampire was shot, did he somehow ingest a little vampire blood amd will they be somehow making him a vamp… I’m gonna have to watch that bit again.

    Sad about Terry and Arlene, they were so cute. And I loved seeing Ruby Jean again! She’s the best crazy!

  3. 3
    Bridget
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 7:54 am

    Entirely way too much happens every episode. Cut some of the story lines back. Alan Ball step away from this series before you fuck up it entirely.

    The best scene of this season and probably every season past was between La-la and his mom.
    Actually any scene between those two is just pure magic. Very emotional. I think those scenes really showcase what terrific actors they both are.

    I have to say I am able to tolerate Bill & Sookie this season because they are rarely in any scenes together. Anna Paquin shows a modicum of talent when she doesn’t have to act with Bill. Bill still basically sucks, but I think that Eric is doing his best to shine a turd.

    More Terry. More Andy paired preferrably with a less serious Jason. Less Sam & Luna. More Russell. Less authority, Hoty & Jessica, and Tara.

  4. 4
    Bridget
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 7:57 am

    Also it would be great if they would reveal the motivation for some of the characters behaviors. The books are also limited when it comes to revealing motivation, but I am often left wondering why is such and such doing that. It is frustrating.

  5. 5
    SuburBint
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 8:29 am

    Sookie was annoying enough to begin with, but now that she’s virtually un-killable thanks to her super fairy powers, this show makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out with a cheese knife every time she’s on screen. I liked it better when she was actually vulnerable; now it’s like “bad person attacks Sookie, bad person goes flying across the room due to magical fairy light/force-field/thingy. Bad person has the drop on Sookie? No worries, a friend, family member, or particularly charitable passer by just happens to be hiding in the bushes and they will leap in front of our poor fragile heroine and sacrifice their own life to save hers.” Although I guess we pretty much always had the second scenario going on.

    I’m just really, really over Sookie. She and her magical twinkly fairy vagina and super potent wonderific fairy blood can go die in a hole. She is by far the worst character in this show.

    I will, however, gladly view as many sexy Eric and Alcide scenes as this show chooses to throw at me. I would even be willing to submit for an experiment in which I have to watch such scenes for extended periods of time in order to determine the maximum number of minutes per episode that said scenes should occupy. I am currently voting for all the minutes.

  6. 6
    RazzBeth
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Nothing can top what SBint just posted, so all I will say is: Yeah. What she said! Particularly the last paragraph. :)

  7. 7
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 10:21 am

    @Suburbint, I’m sure Mr. Bint can appreciate your magical twinkly fairy vagina. (best descriptor of Sookie’s hold over men!) I guess I like the fact that Lafayette tried to kill her last week and he’s openly gay, so her pussy has no power over him.

    In general, I think this four or five episode stint was a waste of Christopher Meloni’s talents. If he really left SVU to do this, he obviously made a mistake. Why get a name actor to play such a short-term character, if Russell Edgington was always planned to be the “big bad?”

  8. 8
    SuburBint
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 10:25 am

    @ Derek Hazelton — My mother-in-law has accused my vagina of having the ability to control my husband’s mind and actions. She didn’t use those exact words, but that was the jist.

    At least last time Christopher Meloni was on an HBO show, we got to see him naked.

  9. 9
    iwantadventure
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    Why didn’t The Guardian explode? No goo drop for Christopher Meloni? Too bad he couldn’t monologue through it but it does make sense to kill him allowing Russell to wreck havoc as he does so well!

    Did Hoyt get shot when the vampire was killed? I was confused.

    Anyway, I liked this episode all the plots are coming together and everything is on the precipe of beginning to be resolved. I really want to know which Vampire ate Sookie’s parents…I hope it was Bill!

  10. 10
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted July 20, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    No threeway that involves Bill could be classified as “superior.” Trade him out for Pam, Alcide and Eric and now you’re on to something.

  11. 11
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted July 20, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    @Iwantadventure, I do think that Bill ate Sookie’s parents; we’ve seen him and his maker drain the prostitutes this season and if he smelled the blood on the band-aid, he recognized it as Sookie in Season 1. He may have planned to kill her in the beginning, but fell in love with a fairy.

  12. 12
    VirtualBoricua
    Posted July 22, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    Christopher Meloni was SO miscast. His stilted, stuck-on-detective-mode acting, mortally receding hairline and WTF? Nike shirts made me giggle. It’s a long way from Oz, my dear, and you can’t just click your heels three times to get back to your HBO family!

  13. 13
    annie Annie
    Posted July 22, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    Was it just me, or did this episode blow?
    Too many dumb story lines, not enough time to really explore them all in one ep. Don’t care about Terry and the Smoke Monster, and don’t care about the shit going on in the Wolf Pack, and their long meetin’ in the barn. Also losing interest in the Shifter vs. Everybody storyline.
    Speaking of which, Sam pretty much got their pack leader killed……they outta be suspects Numero Uno on the list of “Who We Think Wants to Kill Shifters?”. Duh.

    The Tara / Pam storyline seems pretty good though. Oh, and Im gonna miss Chris Meloni. What was the point of having him in half the season?

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