FLASHBACK: Sookie’s parents were ambushed by a vamp who smelled Sookie’s bandaid blood in the back of the car. It doesn’t show anything about the vamp; in fact he’s wearing a stupid trench coat, hat and gloves. This leads me to believe at some point we’ll find out who this vamp is, and they don’t want to leave any clues. Sookie flips and doesn’t want to believe it; she tries to use her fairy light, but she gets blasted by all the Claude-sisters instead.
OMG WHAT A NUGGET
Emma smartly runs to her Grandma Martha’s house after Sam and Luna get shot. SO CUTE.
Sam and Luna are both alive! Yaaay! But kind of a copout. Grandma Martha shows up with Emma in tow, and Luna finally decides to let her into Emma’s life.
yaaay. family is so important. and stuff.
Sam thinks the shifter shootings were a hate crime. (DUH? They were yelling ‘Die shifter.’) He wants to help Andy do some sweet investigation’. They head off to the scary redneck vampire killing store, which Sookie visited previously to get her stupid ineffective silver spray. Andy asks about wooden bullets while Sam looks around the store; it’s clear that Hick Store Clerk recognizes Sam. Sam “smells him going into survival mode” and shoots the clerk with a crossbow just as he pulls out his gun. Andy: “Jesus tits!”
Alcide wakes up hilarious spreadeagled in Sookie’s poofy pink bed. He doesn’t remember any of the Russell Edgington stuff, and is worried that he and Sookie “did it.” He’s creeped out by the idea. When Sookie reaches out to touch him, he jumps away. Sookie: “Did you just recoil from me?” Hahaha, that has probably never happened to her in her life.
Sookie figures out real fast what Eric did, and restores Alcide’s memories. (Did they restore Alcide’s boner for Sook?) Alcide remembers that wolves are on V again, and storms out. He confronts Marcus’ dad, JD, and the rest of the pack in some barn someplace. He plays his trump card: “I accept the role as master of this pack.” JD’s already taken the role on; Alcide needs a second to do his wolf challenge or whatever. Some hot girl does it, possibly just cause she wants to bone Alcide. Now Alcide and JD have to like.. schedule their fight or something. I don’t know. Rituals.
Post scary Jesus head, Lafayette and his mom reunite. Oh yea, I forgot that Jesus used to work with Ruby Jean, and that she pronounces it “Jeeezus” not “Heysoos,” and that she’s crazy. “Jesus is in trouble! Save Jesus! Jesus love you. Even if you an abomination.” “Jesus love the little faggots.” Whoooa. She says Jesus is off being forced to drink goat blood with Don Bartolo – Jesus’ crazy grandpa. More Jesus please!
Nora is weirdly thrilled as Russell is dragged off to get executed. Russell is riffing on religion again: