True Blood Recap: Growing Pains

True Blood

By McWeanis | Wednesday, July 11, 2012 | 12:00 pm | 9 Comments
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Posted in: Recaps, True Blood

Sam runs to Luna’s house to tell her about the shifter deaths. He tries to use the grief to put the get-back-together moves on Luna, but it doesn’t work, and she Luna kicks him out when he hears Emma moving in the bedroom. Why is she so eager to hide Emma’s wolfie status? Just so Sam can’t say I told you so?

As Sam leaves the house, he is STRAIGHT UP SHOT IN THE CHEST by a van full of hooligans wearing black (like the people, not the color) masks.

im going to take a wild guess that the guys doing hate crimes in a pickup are actually white.

Luna runs out to help him, and is STRAIGHT UP SHOT TOO! It’s sad, though the slow motion makes it cheesy. The shooters try to get Emma too, but she runs off in adorable wolfie form. WAHHHH!

I’ve never been wild about Sam, but I do hope he doesn’t die so unceremoniously. Maybe he can raise adorable wolfie Emma.

Growing Pains

Tara’s back, and wearing Pam’s clothes. (“If I wanted to look like a drag queen, I would’ve raided Lafayette’s closet.”) And looking hot.

She’s come full circle to bartend at Fangtasia. True to form, she’s made her first mistake in the first ten seconds – feeding on a customer in public. Which makes Pam kick her ass – she may be a maker, but Fangtasia’s her real baby.

Jessica tries to make nice with Tara, bonding about unwanted vampire transitions. “We can be girlfriends!” Tara gives her best skeptical third world child look,

….. and Jessica looks concerned….

….but then Tara opens up about the bloodlust. It’s one of the most detailed descriptions we’ve had of what being a vamp is actually like. But Jessica doesn’t feel bad about wanting to eat people any more, and Tara does. Jessica: “We’re going to live forever. We’re going to be young forever. The world.. it’s like, wide open for us.”

There’s a lot of necks out there, but Tara has to choose the singer of My Chemical Romance.

I mean, Hoyt.

Montage!!!

The final scene is a montage over the Guardian’s supposedly inspiring religious talk, which he gives to like ten people and I don’t really listen to. The visuals are much more interesting – Jason visits his parents’ graves. Jessica overhears Tara feeding on Hoyt in the next bathroom stall and starts an epic vamp girl fight. It’s unclear who wins, but at the end they’re having that same homoerotic aggression tension we see so often from Bill and Eric. And Alcide.

FWWWAPP!

BOOM!

SHAZZAAM!

Sookie and the boys find Russell, looking considerably less gross than Doug last saw him.

Russell: “As my great love Talbot used to say… give it your best shot.” As Eric is about to stake Russell,

….. we hear roaring sounds from behind and the scene cuts away. The End!

Please comment below… I’m interested to hear whether the Terry/Sam/Lafayette storylines are picking up for anyone. I, for one, am still most interested in this Tara/Pam/Jessica thing.

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McWeanis
About

first thing's first: the origin of "mcweanis."

It is not because I have a giant weanis (look it up) although it is usually unusually bulbous and crusty.

it is in fact because as a child i was dubbed Weanie (it rhymes with my first name, because i'm awesomely named)  by my older sister Drunk, which my friends co-opted and which eventually evolved into weanis and finally mcweanis or MC weanis depending on how gangster i am at the time.

i am a huge nerd of all kinds, especially tv, books, and school. i'll be going to harvard law school in the fall cause i'm so SCHMANCY! i plan to put my excellent time management skills to work in balancing my courseload and my must-watch-tv-load.

9 Comments

  1. 1
    LAC LAC
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Thank you for the recap, the Alcide “I could grate cheese on his abs” shot and the Jason “I could bounce a quarter off of his ass” shot. About damn time, stupid writers! :)

    Yeah, I am looking forward to the Pam/Jessica/Tara story next week. I am finding the guardian storyline a bit tiresome.

  2. 2
    BellicoseBaby
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    More tech, special effects, explosions = less compelling story lines. ::sigh::

  3. 3
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Even though he’s always been ancillary to the action, I’ve always liked Sam. Mostly because of Sam Trammell and that adorable Border Collie he’d shift into. Of course a 40 year old man who is still cute as a button would shift into a Border Collie.

    But he could have easily left Bon Temps when he met Luna and I’d have happily assumed he, Luna and Emma were all happy at last. This whole shifter/werewolf storyline is anti-climactic if the main wolf is too busy running around after Sookie.

  4. 4
    BlueCanary
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    The kevin sorbo/jon hamm baby tag! You made a tag for it! Way to steal the thread win before the recap even posts. Love it.

    Jason in the He-Man jammies is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. And many thanks for the Alcide abs.

    Poor pititul Hoyt makes me want to cry.

  5. 5
    lindaw205
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    I’m pretty bored with any scenes that involve the Authority and the neverending torture of Nora. My only interest so far this season is in Pam/Tara/Jessica and I’m liking the bromance between Bill and Eric. Too bad they had to involve Sookeh but at least Alcide is along to buffer my annoyance with her. And I’ve always loved LaFayette but can’t stand his brujo storyline. I want the awesome LaFayette back. And bar owner Sam. Who minds Merlottes because he’s never there and neither are any of the waitresses?

  6. 6
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted July 12, 2012 at 10:12 am

    I don’t really understand how Jessica has a leg to stand on re: Hoyt when (a) she dumped him and (b) she cheated on him with Jason, and (c) she told him to move on at the end of last season. I think she’s jealous because Hoyt has been trying to connect with the vampires and Fangtasia since Season 2 and has never actually fit in, but Tara provides the opening he was looking for. I am curious about the whole Tara/Hoyt dynamic, because it’s always cool to see a tv show change the dynamics of already-established relationships in an organic way. Meaning, Hoyt used to be a mama’s boy, now he’s lunch! Tara used to be this hot, unattainable, but bitter bitch; now she’s the vampiric fantasy come to life. It’s definitely the best story on TB right now.

  7. 7
    iwantadventure
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 10:50 am

    I love how you included all the great lines from this episode, there were quite a few, especially Eric’s line about NY! Anyway, I could be confusing the promos for next week but I’m pretty sure before the episode ended we saw it was Alcide having an asthma attack or tapping into his soldiers nature. I suspect it will be a whole before we see him nakie, since it looks like Alcide gets abducted…Boo! I really hope they don’t kill Lunar because Sam deserves to be happy and their relationship needs closure. How do the hooligan shooters know they’re Shifters?! What’s more worrisome is Emma running off on her own, Cra-cra Grandma Markus is probably going to find her and do some creepy wereslhit that like binds Emma to the pack. I have a feeling Jason is going to do something very stupid, hopefully whatever it is puts him back into sex and also helps him capture the hooligan shooters! I still hate Tara

  8. 8
    iwantadventure
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Damn autocorrect! It shouldn’t say Alcide’s solider nature, it should say wolfie nature, IDK why it corrected it to solider, oops

  9. 9
    Zatanna
    Posted July 15, 2012 at 6:34 am

    I am liking the Tara/Pam/Jessica thing – Tara is a lot less irritating as a vampire, and I am glad they are developing Pam outside of Eric. The Lafayette thing could be ok in theory, but the way it’s being done is so drawn out and boring, ugh. Agreed that having Jesus around makes Lafayette’s stuff better because it added more dimension to the character, now he is just wandering around muttering to himself bleh.

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