True Blood Recap: Insextigations

True Blood

By McWeanis | Wednesday, June 27, 2012 | 9:00 am | 11 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, True Blood

 Post-coitally, Pam asks Eric to make her a vampire. An elderly madame is not a fun existence. “We die alone in the dark, syphilis, TB…” (Did they really abbreviate tuberculosis back then? I thought lazy acronyms were a modern invention.) Eric, however, doesn’t want the responsibility of being a maker, and he won’t turn and abandon her like a baby in a gutter. To throw away the bond of the maker is “sacrilege.” (A ha, now we see the connection. She’s abandoning her sacred duty to Tara.) When Eric refuses, Pam slits her wrists in a mystical ultimatum: “Let me walk the world with you, Mr. Northman. Or watch me die.” As we know, Eric does turn her.

and he makes this face.

Hmmm. Eric seemed considerably colder and more cynical when we originally met him with Sookie, than he does in these flashbacks. What is it about Pam that got to him? He’s a Viking warrior and vampire, for chrissakes. He’s killed many times and seen many deaths, probably plenty of hookers among them. Why he can’t stand to see Pam die I don’t know, other than my person belief in her awesomeness. I think it’s really great that Pam’s character is standing on her own this season. Well, she may be pining for Eric, but she’s not just a cameo any more!

We get a short sequence of Arlene walking into the freezer and getting eaten by Tara, which I guess turned out to be a dream. (Don’t really get it.) In real life, Lafayette walks in to feed Tara and she scratches him up good and whips out her fangs.

and she is now hotter.

She storms out. Again. At the end of the episode, Tara’s wandering the town alone, and has a brilliant idea when she sees a tanning salon – Curl up and Fry. Yup, she gets right in that booth and turns up the heat. Does fake sunlight kill vamps? I don’t know, but it’s got to hurt. Across town, Pam’s maternal/maker instincts kick in:

“That stupid bitch.”

I’m sure between this suicide attempt and the flashbacks, this is going to be the catalyst for Pam stepping up to her maker role. Which is sure to be hilarious and awesome!

Bill & Eric, Off Doing Something Else Unrelated

Over at the Authority palace/dungeon, we’re having another boring political argument! I could do without the Guardian’s one-line minions (except for the kid. Tell me more about the kid! Does he have an adult mind? Do kid vampires want to do scarier stuff cause they’re more perverted? Will he ever be able to get it up? Inquiring minds want to know!)

The newly escaped Russell Edgington is the poster boy for the Sanguinistas now. The Guardian’s plan is to release Bill and Eric, and let them hunt Edgington. His back-up plan is the “new Nan Flanagan”, Steve Newlin! He’s on hand to do damage control in case Russell emerges after Nan promised last year that he was dead. Steve doesn’t seem to have grasped the super solemn ethos of the Authority and the commitment to mainstream. Instead, he teases the gullible, optimistic. “You tell me what you want them to believe and I’ll sell it to them!” This doesn’t go over well; to the Guardian, humans aren’t just ‘talking meat’.

they’re meat you can have sex with, too!

And this goes beyond love and peace and stuff. It’s about self preservation: humans will take down vampires with their sweet army, if they feel sufficiently threatened.

Oh, Mac from Veronica Mars. Relegated to techie status forever. This time, she’s a techie vampire, suiting up the boys with app-activated “I-Stakes” in case they try to pull a fast one on the Authority.

my dream role.

Time for another history lesson. This isn’t just any Salome. It’s Salome, beheader of John the Baptist, dancer of the seven veils, a “symbol of dangerous female sexuality” – but according to her, just a little girl manipulated by her family. “The Bible is little better than Us weekly.” I’m not up on my Biblical stuff, but she definitely had a really fucked up family – of humans.

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McWeanis
About

first thing's first: the origin of "mcweanis."

It is not because I have a giant weanis (look it up) although it is usually unusually bulbous and crusty.

it is in fact because as a child i was dubbed Weanie (it rhymes with my first name, because i'm awesomely named)  by my older sister Drunk, which my friends co-opted and which eventually evolved into weanis and finally mcweanis or MC weanis depending on how gangster i am at the time.

i am a huge nerd of all kinds, especially tv, books, and school. i'll be going to harvard law school in the fall cause i'm so SCHMANCY! i plan to put my excellent time management skills to work in balancing my courseload and my must-watch-tv-load.

11 Comments

  1. 1
    SuburBint
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Buffy reference? Check.
    Veronica Mars reference? Check.
    Shutting down the sexy time in favor of sweats? Check.

    Quit spying on my life, McWeanis. I still have 30 days in which to turn in that restraining order paperwork, you know.

  2. 2
    motown
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 10:05 am

    The silver spray is to keep Russell out when he inevitably comes to kill Sookie.

  3. 3
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 10:19 am

    I just read the comment but Motown why would the spray have been turned towards the house if it’s to ward off Russell. Wouldn’t it have been turned out? I really think it was to keep Tara in.

  4. 4
    motown
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Truth: I am hating this season and was folding laundry while watching the episode, but I didn’t think the silver sprayed out in one direction. Also, didn’t she go to the shop to buy something to protect her from Edgerton? A stake-gun or something and then settled on the silver spray.

  5. 5
    chooch850 chooch850
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Great recap! You got all of those story-lines nailed. I hate the Bill/Eric one. It’s a real bore! I could care less about all this mainstreaming the vampires politics…snoozefest. The best part of that was bringing in the newly vampired Reverend as back-up for the masses when it comes time for them to be swayed. That could be fun.

    As for Tara backing off on that girl who’s car was broke down, I think it was because she had a crucifix hanging from her rearview mirror.

  6. 6
    Laura Gill Laura Gill
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Pam wouldn’t have said “TB” or even “tuberculosis” back in 1905; it was known then as “consumption.”

  7. 7
    carol
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    Maybe I am alone on this, but I really wish Tara had just died and not been reborn as a vampire. I hope that she does fry in the tanning bed. I don’t like the character at all, haven’t from the start. The actress only has one facial expression, and compared to Anna Paquin, she is still not that good. That being said, if more Tara time means more Pam time, it might not be a bad thing.

    Veronica Mars. Thank you so much for the reference. The actress looked familiar but the character was the one I recognized. Even if they weren’t going for a crossover, it was a funny one.

    How did Tara ever get into Snookie’s home? Snookie never invited her in. If I remember correctly, Pam told her to go inside. Is the house still owned by Eric so it is vampire friendly? Wouldn’t this mean that Russel could just walk into the home?

  8. 8
    NikkiHughes
    Posted June 28, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Kinda makes me sad that everyone keeps saying Mac from VM and no one has the love for Deb from Napoleon Dynamite! :(
    (She was also in Big Love)

  9. 9
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted June 28, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    You’re not Carol. I hope it’s the true death for Tara.

  10. 10
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted June 28, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    @Carol, @ClassyDrunk, I love Rutina Wesley and I think Tara is one of the few breakout characters on the show, but I do think that the character has devolved over time (especially when we see how she was a ballsy girl and turned out to be a such a desperate, clingy woman). Did you guys read the EW article a few weeks ago where she said she had such a grasp on Tara, the character? I don’t even know what that means since the character has sucked for the past two seasons. I guess she knows the character sucks and has sucked for so long and will continue to do so.

    @NikkiHughes, in my Napoleon Dynamite voice, TOTS! I always think of that actress as Amanda Seyfried’s fat friend from Big Love, more so than Veronica Mars and Napoleon Dynamite.

    @McWeanis, I actually like the recaps as broken out by storyline because it’s much easier to follow than the actual episode. Thank you so much for simplifying it! Hopefully, this plot driven crapfest will be easier to recap than Mad Men.

  11. 11
    iwantadventure
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    This was a great recap! I liked that it was divided by plotline. It’s too bad the episode the week before this wasn’t recapped. And you forgot the best line of the episode when the Authority Tech said, “Think of it like a training bra.” And Eric’s response was, “It’s been a while since I wore one of those.” Anyway, I’m glad someone picked up the recaps, can’t wait for more!

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