True Blood Recap: Resolution/Revolution

True Blood

By McWeanis | Wednesday, August 8, 2012 | 6:00 am | 7 Comments
Posted in: Recaps, True Blood

Some crappy storylines are finally tied up, and the Authority’s crazy religious tentacles start reaching into other characters’ lives.

 

Authority

We open this time on the news. Salome and her minions have gotten a quick start on the mainstreaming attack; the biggest Tru Blood factory in the world has been bombed and is in flames. The remnant of the Authority by feasting on a shackled human – after Steve says grace, of course.

saying grace cancels out the gluttony.

Eric looks a little reluctant, but he knows who breads his biscuit or whatveer and he noms the prisoner as well.

Return of Techie Mac! Love her! She tries to get in to the Authority den, but her DNA is denied by the magical futuristic elevator security thing. Eric comes and finds her for an impromptu secret meeting, and it looks like they’re forming their own, very sexy little resistance.

Except neither of them has a plan. They can’t get anywhere without Level 1 security clearance. “I don’t speak techie. Translate.” “We’re totally fucking fucked! Unless… it’s probably a really stupid idea and it will probably get you killed.” Sounds perfect.”

Eric confronts Bill about his ‘act.’ Which Bill claims is not an act. But Eric pulls the magic faerie vagina card: “What about Sookie? Is she just food to you?” In order to escape, Bill will need Salome’s blood, and it seems like he’s on board.

Eric confronts Nora, for what I feel will be the last time. We learn that Salome crazified her by sneaking her in while Roman was asleep, and giving her Lilith’s blood.

this season’s theme: see: every other seasons theme in re: religion makes you crazy

Then she got high and religious as balls.

It looks like the prime blood gathering technique is sexing. We all know vamp sex can get a little bloody. (See: 180 degree Lorena head twist. Okay, that wasn’t blood, but you know what I mean.) Eric starts it with Nora; meanwhile Salome does her seductive dance towards Bill in bed. She tells him how he’s her special Lilith-chosen consort and all that. 

Bill looks down and first sees Salome.

hot

Then he sees Sookie lying there, and starts sucking her up until she dies.

ehhh i’ll take it

Then he looks again, and it’s bloody Lilith. Ewww.

boner dissipation complete

boner retreating into abdomen

And she’s sucking him. Then it’s Salome again. WTFFFFFF. Bill has Salome’s blood all over his mouth, and he looks at it pensively.

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McWeanis
About

first thing's first: the origin of "mcweanis."

It is not because I have a giant weanis (look it up) although it is usually unusually bulbous and crusty.

it is in fact because as a child i was dubbed Weanie (it rhymes with my first name, because i'm awesomely named)  by my older sister Drunk, which my friends co-opted and which eventually evolved into weanis and finally mcweanis or MC weanis depending on how gangster i am at the time.

i am a huge nerd of all kinds, especially tv, books, and school. i'll be going to harvard law school in the fall cause i'm so SCHMANCY! i plan to put my excellent time management skills to work in balancing my courseload and my must-watch-tv-load.

7 Comments

  1. 1
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 7:32 am

    Steve’s homosexuality seemed to come out of nowhere and become a convenient plot point, but what would be an interesting twist is if his thirst for power would supercede his flexible sexuality. We know Steve loves power more than anything and being RE’s boy toy would come with some hefty perks. I’m looking forward to the eventual Steve/RE double-cross because it is so clearly going to happen.

    I do like the fact that they touched on the fact that Tara is still ignoring texts from Sookie and Lafayette. In another storyline that would make logical sense, why not have Tara and Pam eventually fall in love? We know Tara dabbled in lesbianism when she joined the fight club and Pam is gay, so why don’t they start to find their way to each other? I always thought that was where the story was going to go, but I feel that is a beat that has been dropped.

    Sweetie running in the bunny slippers and red kimono from a chasing Luna was the best scene of the season. It was pure comedy and both actresses were committed to the ridiculousness of the situation.

    So glad the Ifrit story is over.

  2. 2
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 7:47 am

    Great recap, McW. I found the multiple storylines irritating as well.

    “Dead folk! Why ya’all gotta be so cryptic? It ain’t cute!” I loves me some LaFayette. Nelsan needs an Emmy.

    Why couldn’t Sookie zap her bonds? Her powers are gone that quickly??

    And we need more naked men. Bring Alcide’s butt back! He’s not the greatest actor but the rippling muscles make up for it..

  3. 3
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 9:26 am

    I don’t think Steve’s homosexuality came out of nowhere. There were plenty of hints when Jason was with his group that he was closeted. He was always interested in Jason and the Newlin marriage was established as sexless by the time Jason fooled around with Sarah so him coming back as a gay vampire made complete sense. Plus, the closeted televangelist stereotype is totally in Alan Ball’s wheelhouse. I’m sure the actor was playing Steve as closeted even when the character was still alive.

    Pam, on the other hand, is bisexual but clearly and utterly in love with Eric. That’s where her loyalty will always lie. Pam/Tara as a couple is more likely a next season storyline, if it happens at all. This season was about Tara accepting her new fat and Pam pining for Eric.

    As for Alcide, the Shreveport pack is a new pack for him. He was raised in the Jackson pack. But if my old nature special viewing is still accurate, the Shreveport pack wanted him to become packmaster because he killed Marcus and that would indicate that he’s the new alpha. But even when they were all in Mississippi he said he’d left his pack voluntarily and has always been more of a “lone wolf.” Debbie’s the one who wanted a pack.

  4. 4
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 10:14 am

    I thought the exact same thing McW, “Pigs eat people?”

    Good work explaining Vallegirl, I am in the middle of the tenth book (I think), so I am getting my story lines mixed up and so this was helpful in straightening them out.

  5. 5
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    @Vallegirl, call me stupid, but I honestly never really picked up on the subtext of Steve being in the closet back in Season 2. But your explanation makes perfect sense.

  6. 6
    jessicad519
    Posted August 9, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Why can’t it be Sunday again?

  7. 7
    iwantadventure
    Posted August 10, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    I loved this episode!!!

    I could not be happier the Terry/Patrick storyline is over. My sister actually liked it and tried to talk about it with me and I basically said, “frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn”, except not in so many words.

    Lafayette was in fine form in this episode!

    I’m a little disappointed you didn’t include the fight between Luna and Sam. The plot point of her dying wasn’t dropped, she was never actually dying, SkinnWalking is very stressful on the body and Sam even says his brother died from it but Luna points out Tommy was beaten to death. It was also significant because once again Sam insisted Luna sit pretty while he handled the Obamas. Not only did Luna not take that nicely but it led to the most spectacular and funny declarations of love possibly ever! It’s rare to call someone annoying and sexist in the same debate the person tells you they’re protecting you and they live you.

    I loved the flashback but I wonder what’s the point of choosing Pack if it has led to both father and son being abjured.

    Jason was also in fine firm with his dopey comment about the masks and telling Andy what an awesome cop he is!

    I also didn’t understand why Elijah was all of the sudden in charge of Fangtasia, I was under the impression it belonged to Eric. Hopefully he gets staked soon and Eric will return.

    Makers don’t usually sleep with their children once they’ve made them, though children will sleep with other siblings. I’d be surprised if they put Tara and Pam together like that, as Pam pointed out just because they fed on a bitch together doesn’t make them friends. There’s no love there and I’d be surprised if they turned them into a couple, that is not something I’d be a fan of because Pam is so awesome and Tara is so annoying.

    All I have to say about Bill is he’s a tool. I don’t care if he has some unknown secret motives and is really playing both sides, he is no Severus Snape (hehe!). Actually he’s no Harry Potter either, being Salome’s Chosen One and all. He loves the attention and that makes it bad no matter what. I hope he gets his time in the sun…See what I did there?! lol!

    I loved the song at the end and was randomly shouting at various times during the week since.

    OMG Moment: Did anyone rewind the previews for the next few episodes (WAHHH) and then pause it various points?! Because I totally did and I caught Jessica and Jason in a the dirt together, cuddling…baby vamp and maker-style O.o What is the meaning of this?!?!?!

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