Back to Boring Sookie and the slightly more interesting Lafayette. She’s picking up little pieces of Debbie Van Pelt and putting them on a shower curtain, and he’s sitting at Sookie’s kitchen table, chasing some giant pills with Courvoisier or whatever stereotypical liquor the set designer decided he should be drinking.
Put down the purple velvet bag and help me pick up this bitch’s mess, Lafayette, or I’ll shoot you, too.
Nora, who is an Authority “Chancellor” tells Bill & Eric that “The Guardian” wanted Nan followed to make sure she did in B&E and Nora saw this as an opportunity to save Eric. She also implies that there is a vamp revolt brewing from within The Authority, so I guess we can predict what the theme will be for this season.
In case you were bored with all the sex and violence, we’ll mollify you with some plot points over the next ten episodes.
Anywho, since B&E messed up Nora’s breakout plan by actually breaking out, they’ll all have to find a nice, cozy shipping storage container to share for the day. Nora’s team will come rescue them the following night, when B&E will have to enter the Vampire Witness Protection Program and say good-bye to their glamourous Bon Temps/Shreveport lives.
Sookie and Lafayette decide to continue their CSI cleanup streak by visiting Lafayette’s home with the plan to take care of Jesús’s body. Unfortunately/fortunately, el brujo is nowhere to be found.
It’s like he was never here, bleeding all over my carpet! Grissom would be proud!
Lafayette freaks out, wondering where the corpse is, and Sookie suggests someone else moved it, you know, to be nice. Lafayette sends Sookie out to wait in the car, and Lafayette tries to commune with Jesús, to no avail. What do you think, Gasmii? Is everyone’s favorite male nurse still alive?
And then, here’s something I didn’t need to see:
Andy Bellefleur, you got a pretty ass. Now turn around so we can see your mouth.
Holly’s two teenage sons return from deer hunting to her (very) humble hotel abode to find her passed out in bed with a very naked, feminine-silhouetted Andy. This show is nothing if not fair with the male/female nakedness ratio. Plus, it’s really classy. It’s not like this is Skinemax or anything. One of her boys even makes a video on his phone of Andy’s still-sleeping form. Once they’re both awake and appropriately embarrassed, Andy makes a quick exit.
At Terry’s new house, the guy from The Unit is sharing some family time with Arlene, Terry and the kids and pissing Terry off by bringing up his past.
A fire destroyed your home you say? Verrrrry interesting …
Guess Terry and Unit will be talking about that fire later.
Cut to flashback scene in which Sookie remembers a rough childhood on the school playground (that young actress had a terrific Sookie voice, BTW), where Tara defended her from bullies. I guess we all know who won the coveted 2012 Shittiest Friend of the Year Award:
Did I mention that this flashback takes place while Sookie’s in the shower? I bet if I tallied up Naked Minutes vs. Clothed Minutes on this show, Naked would win.
Once Sookie leaves the bathroom, after she’s washed away her shame, it’s Lafayette’s turn to wash the blood off his hands.
This is gonna be the world’s longest bath … Out, damn spot!