His depression is obvious, especially as he considers Sookie’s pink razor while lying sadly in the tub. I wonder where this is going.
Thank goodness Sookie’s done with her shower, because Alcide’s at the door. Guess what?
You’re in danger. Come with me and I’ll protect you.
The supes in Louisiana have the tiredest pick-up lines ever, and the line doesn’t work this time either. I do wish I could move to Louisiana, if all the men look like these guys. However, I know from Swamp People that most of them look like this:
Alcide tells Sook that Russell Edgington, Bill’s predecessor as the King of Louisiana, isn’t “dead”. I mean, he’s undead, but he’s not dead, like Bill & Eric told Sookie he was. Ruh-roh!
At Merlotte’s, Jason tries to patch things up with Hoyt. It doesn’t go well.
I dub thee Girlfriend Fucker.
While Jason’s getting his ass verbally handed to him by his former best friend and posse, Judge Clemons gets a private convo with Andy to get Andy to rescind his son’s extreme speeding court case. Andy realizes that being sheriff is not all fucking barmaids and wearing the big star.
From one Andy to another, I’m sorry I made Sheriff-hood look cool.
Back at Stackhouse Manor, Lafayette comes to Sookie’s rescue when Alcide refuses to leave without her. She also almost spills the beans about offing Debbie, so Lafayette’s arrival spoils that potential violence/sex scene, too. Lafayette, although you interrupted a confrontation I’ve been waiting for, I’m happy to see you and so glad you didn’t pull a Whitney Houston! He encourages Alcide to leave with his tail between his legs. I am also grateful to see what Lafayette did with that razor.
Best Decision During The Entire Episode … I was getting tired of that cornrow mullet
Off in a barn somewhere, Sam’s being beaten by a few pack members who are trying to get info about where he buried Marcus. In walks Martha, who interrupts the fun to have a short chat with Sam. She tells him the pack’s rituals demand the use of Marcus’s body, so if he will just show the pack where Marcus is buried, she promises no harm will come to Luna and Emma. She makes no such promises about Sam’s welfare though. I dig this Martha chick, who was obviously ….
born with a cigarette in her mouth
Back at the storage container, Bill is giving Eric and Nora some privacy so they can catch up like brothers and sisters are wont to do …
… in Kentucky
Eric is sadly interrupted by a phone call; it’s Alcide, sharing that Russell is now cement-free and probably none too happy. To emphasize the point, we see some poor schmuck dragged down a hallway and thrown into a room, where he is obviously killed, judging from the blood spatters on the window and the screams of pain. Russell must be recovering nicely.
Jessica is using Bill’s house to throw a house party for the local college kids, and it’s pretty boring, and very obvious that she’s just horny for fresh meat. Jessica’s pretty hormonal for a dead person, with all her crying jags, sexual escapades and moodiness.
Must be all that blood in her system, causing Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
Jason crashes the party, and has to find some new panties to raid, since Jessica has hers all in a bunch for Random Frat Guy. Poor Jason …
Patrick (Unit’s character’s name) disturbs Crazy Terry on his smoke break to let him know that Patrick’s house also burned down in a suspicious fire – and so did the houses of two other guys in their former Marine squad. Those guys died, and Patrick is convinced the house burnings are payback for “what happened that night in Iraq”. Can’t wait to find out what that was! Terry insists that Mavis burned down their house trying to claim Arlene’s Bad Seed Baby, and that Patrick needs to leave.
Fine, I’ll leave, but remember, if your house burns down again and you need fire insurance, you’re in good hands with my old boss.
What he said.
Back at Bill’s house, Jessica’s singing “Cherry Bomb” on Rock Band with her new boy toy and his college friends. I didn’t realize how much this song sucked until she sang it. Jason offers to take the drunkest/easiest chick home, and she’s all for it, until she finds out he really means to just “take her home”. I much prefer slutty Jason to lovelorn Jason.
Sam brings the pack to Marcus’s burial site, and they dig up his body quickly. Luna arrives with Alcide, who admits to killing Marcus. Two pack members immediately take the knee before him, but Martha (who happens to be Marcus’s mother) and other wolves refuse to recognize Alcide and eat Marcus’s intestines instead. Now we know why the wolves had to find Marcus’s body.
Back at the shipping wharf, Nora, Eric and Bill meet a boat that holds Nora’s partners in crime, who have fresh identity papers for Eric and Bill and plan to take them to safety. As Eric and Nora say their passionate goodbye, a hail of gunfire takes out the entire rescue team, and a squad of Authority vampires surround Nora, Eric and Bill.
At Stackhouse Manor, Lafayette and Sook are impatiently waiting for Pam and Tara to rise. Sookie mentions that they haven’t eaten in awhile and Lafayette goes inside to grab some food, because that’s what gay black guys are for, to serve food.
Don’t be silly! We also design clothes …
… and look fierce
… and run the free world
As soon as he leaves, Pam rises but Tara doesn’t. Sookie frantically unearths Tara’s body, finding her still dead and stinky. As she begins to “cry”, I wonder AGAIN how on earth this chick won an Oscar at age 9.
And the Oscar does NOT go to …
Lafayette, returning from the kitchen, is more believably distraught. In a split second, though, Tara rises and reaches for Sookie
You call that bullshit a tearful goodbye? I should bite you to punish your bad acting.
as she screams, “Lafayette”! Don’t think the semi-witch is going to be helpful in this situation, Sookie. Perhaps you should be screaming a random dude’s name, since you slept with a whole bunch of guys who would be more help against a new vampire. Can’t wait ‘til next week!