True Blood: Vampire Crisis Night 3

True Blood

By McWeanis | Wednesday, August 15, 2012 | 7:00 am | 13 Comments
Posted in: Recaps, True Blood

They come up with a genius plan: follow Steve Newlin to his TV appearance (with Sam’s surprise secret frequent flyer miles) and sneak in to the studio as mice. God, little animals are so killable and it really scares me when they shift into them! I felt the same way when I used to read the Animorphs books! Unfortunately, Steve didn’t bring Emma with him, so they have to stow away in his bag.

When Steve gets back to the Authority, he finds that Emma is in human form again.

 

“Emma, you know that daddy doesn’t like it when you’re human!” He really treats her like a dog, which is both hilarious and horrifying.

After abandoning his offspring for so long, Bill finally sends for Jessica with his Authority guards. She is fa-reakked out.

Bill gives her a little Authority tour. She’s clearly overwhelmed by his swift transformation  into a vampire evangelist. Oooh poor Jessica! She thought she escaped Bible Studies when she got vampired. Bill sends her off to read and study and find Lilith and stuff. K…

 

actually scarier when happy.

Russell is increasingly bored with the Authority’s strategies – education reform, political machinations, conspiracy. He wants to harness the blood of the faerie – to study and breed them and make vampires into daywalkers. Salome disagrees. Lilith made them a certain way, and they need to stay that way.

Russell illustrates his disagreement by throwing Salome across the room and threatening to kill all of them. Also, he reverts to his three thousand year old accent for some reason. Bill and Eric share a special look which means “uh oh.. Sookie!” and Jessica looks just plain terrified. He escapes from the Authority, and goes off to seek the daylight. I wonder what this means for Steve and Emma??

Sookie

Sookie’s at home rocking the dumpy single woman look and some Chinese takeout (I’m not hating, I’m recognizing!) when there’s a knock at the door. It’s coroner Mike. Sookie lets him in right away. She’s clearly too trusting in the midst of the vampire crisis, cause coroner Mike turns out to be vampire Mike and goes right for Sookie’s thigh.

 

I’m not sure whether this is just a longtime crush coming to fruition, or word on Sookie’s magic fairy blood/vagina is spreading among the vamps. Anyway, Sookie stakes him with some handy chopsticks, which makes for a cool scene but is totally unrealistic. No way those crappy chopsticks would go halfway through a body without breaking, unless vamp bodies are way squishier than I ever knew, in which case, gross.. The Buffy pencil incident was much more realistic.

and convenient, since those guys turned into dust, not guts.

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McWeanis
About

first thing's first: the origin of "mcweanis."

It is not because I have a giant weanis (look it up) although it is usually unusually bulbous and crusty.

it is in fact because as a child i was dubbed Weanie (it rhymes with my first name, because i'm awesomely named)  by my older sister Drunk, which my friends co-opted and which eventually evolved into weanis and finally mcweanis or MC weanis depending on how gangster i am at the time.

i am a huge nerd of all kinds, especially tv, books, and school. i'll be going to harvard law school in the fall cause i'm so SCHMANCY! i plan to put my excellent time management skills to work in balancing my courseload and my must-watch-tv-load.

13 Comments

  1. 1
    NikkiHughes
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 8:36 am

    I yelled at the tv about how there was NO way chopsticks would pierce through someone. I can barely get them unstuck without them breaking.

    But the other thing I yelled about was when Sam & Luna were so distraught that NOLA was FIVE hours away and they’d never make it………….um, aren’t you shifters? Why the hell didn’t they just shift into some kind of birds? Totally confused.

  2. 2
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 8:57 am

    @Nikki, That’s what I was thinking. Can’t you guys shift into something that was really fast?

    Then how does Sam get frequent flier miles? does he purchase his inventory via american express? I am surprised that vendor in a small town like Bon Temps could afford that.

    The scene where Jessica glamoured Hoyt was so sad. He didn’t have to erase them completely from his memory. Just the hurt. :(

  3. 3
    thatdariamom1332
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 9:04 am

    Gerard Way! My Chemical Romance!

    Ok. Had to get that out.

  4. 4
    NikkiHughes
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Exactly…..I know Jess wanted to honor his wishes & shit, but she easily could have glamoured him to not remember her that way. Like only know that Jess & Jason were together and he was happy for them and just friends with Jess. That’s what I would have done ;)

  5. 5
    carol
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    I was very impressed with the Hoyt send off. It was great to see those actors pull out the amazing acting chops to give a proper goodbye to the character (was that really the end of Hoyt?). It was also nice to see a story line wrap up that did not involve tons of blood and guts. Jessica & Jason are quickly becoming the power houses of this show.

    At first I was confused by Sam’s miles on a credit card comment, but he had a look in his eyes that suggested he was kidding. Like he was trying to use shifter humor.

    At this point in the books, was Bill dead? Are they trying to morph Bill into another character from the books? That whole plot line would have been so much more powerful if Bill was already dead and it was just Eric going through it. Jessica could have even been brought in at this same point.

  6. 6
    NikkiHughes
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Good grief….I feel like a BIG FAT DUMMY……X2!!

    I’m sure that miles comment WAS shifter humor and it went right over my head. And I’m the Queen of Sarcasm, so double fail!

    AND, I didn’t realize that Hoyt’s character was leaving the show, so no wonder she didn’t pull a fast on on the glamouring.

    Me = Dork

  7. 7
    iwantadventure
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 1:39 am

    This episode broke my heart so many times! Sooo emotional! Especially since we were short changed about ten minutes.

    I live that Russell reverts back to his Eastern European accent when he’s excited and/or angry.

    Sookie broke up with Bill and Eric they dealt with this in the first episode of the season when Bill and Eric felt Sookie in danger from Debbie and decided whatever it was they shouldn’t bother her but they couldn’t resist and as they left Bill’s house they were net-silvered by the Authority.

    Sam will once again be the hero of this season, just like with Maryann and he totally deserves it! I hope they take out everyone in the Authority except Eric and Jess! Obviously, that’s not going to happen so I’ll be satisfied if we’re done with Nora and Salome. It was horrible to watch Eric lose Godric again.

    Jason, Jess and Hoyt gave those last scenes together they’re all, it was great! And so sad. Especially since when Jess protected Hoyt from Tara he viewed glamoring as a threat. Quite the change to see it as a way out. I loved the line when he said “I want to lay my head down at night, close my eyes and not dream about you.” Seriously had a horrible teary-eyed allergy attack! I’m so sad to see Jim Parrack leave the show but I’m glad they didn’t kill him off! In fact there’s hope to bring him back since Sookie can fix glamored memories! I am happy to see this storyline finished. It’s been a long time and I look forward to seeing how Jess and Jason move on.

    I’m confused with Maurella being so far along because it definitely hasn’t been enough months to be showing that much. Unless faeries have microwave uteruses and faerie babies develop really fast. I don’t see how Holly can be made, Andy slept with Maurella season 4 episode 11 and he and Holly weren’t official yet and she was all caught up the Marnie fiasco. I think the writers have lost sense of time.

    My favorite line: “Whose the smart one now?”

    Tara was awesome this episode! I expect her to thoroughly irritate me again very soon but I appreciate that she has the ability not to be a whiny, victimized do-nothing.

    On a random note the AVL has a real website americanvampireleague.com it’s cute!

    Anyway has anyone seen the preview for next week’s episode?! I’m afriad they’re going to kill Jason…Or make him a vampire, which would be really stupid because he’s the humanity on the show. But seriously, Jess and Jason in a ditch?!!! I mean don’t get me wrong I’m curious about Warlow, though I’m sure he’ll be the villain next season so we’ll be lucky if we even get to meet him before the finale, I’d love if he has something to do with Russell but I think Russell is just crazy and a totally separate issue. I hope they don’t off Claude, I like him! But anyway Jason and Jess, people are freaking out…Okay I’m freaking out but still there needs to be a discussion about this!!!

  8. 8
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 5:02 am

    @Carol, I am on the second to last book in the series and Bill is still around but not that much. There’s much more Eric in the later novels.

  9. 9
    iwantadventure
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    Bill dies in the books?!

  10. 10
    spinal11
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    You spank it to Gerard Way? That’s…err, different…

    Great recap by the way!

  11. 11
    mle
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    Bill does not die in the book series. I just read the most recent one. The show is so different from the book series that I consider them two entirely different entities.

  12. 12
    iwantadventure
    Posted August 17, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    I read that the last book comes out in May, I’ve read the first book in the series and enjoyed it but never really got into the rest, are they worth reading?

  13. 13
    pantsonfire
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    “I’m confused with Maurella being so far along because it definitely hasn’t been enough months to be showing that much. Unless faeries have microwave uteruses and faerie babies develop really fast. I don’t see how Holly can be made, Andy slept with Maurella season 4 episode 11 and he and Holly weren’t official yet and she was all caught up the Marnie fiasco. I think the writers have lost sense of time.”

    Birthing Faeries—If you remember Sookie came really early and unexpected, had to be born on the
    kitchen table.

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