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TVgasm Investigates: Toddlers and Tiaras Book of Baby Names
Watercooler
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
9:14 pm
68 Comments
Tagged: baby names, flipit, recap, spoof, toddlers and tiaras, TV, tvgasm
Yer name’s what, nah?
DMV Confusion/Most Likely to Be Missing Teeth By the Time They’re 30
Keanna (Who’s Anna and why are you gonna key her?)
Liana (Keanna’s Tweedle Dum)
Aishlyyn (Gezundheit)
Aja (just add an x at the end and this kid would at least be useful)
Kaleigha (sounds like an old fashioned car horn honking)
Daylee (News? Vitamin? Affirmation?)
Roni (Without the Rice-A, this meal is unbalanced.
Kiannah (If Rihanna had come out of Kris Kardashian’s birth canal)
Jayla (sounds like a hick saying Jailor. WHY?)
Rylan (Sure, Ryan sounds boring, but Rylan sounds drunk.)
Kragen (When in doubt, name your kid after an auto parts store.)
Halia (This is a legit name. I only included it here cuz it sounds like Hell Yeah! and that makes me giggle)
Zander (Sounds like a wuss. Now Z(ool)ander? Winner!)
Lailia (Lia got lai’d)
Taleah (I’ll tell you a tale of…ah……)
Zanna (Last name Dew)
Camarie (Sounds delicious or dependable until I look closer and realize it’s not fried squid rings or a Toyota model)
Shian (She and who did what now?)
***
If we’ve learned anything in this TVgasm Investigation, it’s that names don’t ruin babies, really terrible parents do. See ya next time!
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68 Comments
When I see these names, I think, “Who’s been reading Game of Thrones?”
I call it “Scrabble Naming”.
People put letters into a bag and toss them out onto the table. Letters facing up are what you use you to name your kid.
For example: At my work, there is a child who is having a birthday here. This child’s name is “Tai’Yari” the mother’s name is “Tyquera”. We have also had a Ja’Shawn, a Ja, (Ja-comma), and a La-a (Ladasha). A coworker told me his mother had a woman at the hospital were she worked named her child so that when you pronounced it, it was “Da finest eva” I can’t remember the spelling though. Yup. The world we live in.
A friend once had a kid in her class named (Hooked on phonics version) ahhbeecee. Spelled abc
Kali is an actual name. But not 1 many people would want to put on a baby..
Some of them, like Aja remind me of that story they tell in advertising class about when the USA went to Mexico and tried to get people to buy cars named Nova which in Spanish means “doesn’t go”
I was all set to name my daughter Aja. Pronounced Ahh-jah, it’s a Yoruba word that means goddess of the forest and animals. (Nature goddess, for short.) I found it in a baby name book. Well my name had a friend of a friend who was Yoruba and she promptly told my mom in meant dog.
Of course, I googled it and Aja is part of a longer phrase that does mean dog. So, I dodged a bullet.
Or did I?
I ended up naming her a pretty common name. However, I went with Welsh spelling (it’s a Welsh name) only to find out many people in the US cannot pronounce it when they see it written.
You would think the way these pageant moms abuse the letter ‘Y’ that they would know it’s many pronounciations. But nope. To them Rhys…is “rice.”
The plus side is as it’s only 4 letters long my daughter could spell it by the time she was two.
I actually like the name Liana.
What about Paisley, Lilliauna, Sterling, BreAnne, AshLynn, Berkeley, Ever, Heaven or Dianely? Dianely’s mom Fransoly has a terrible name too though. I forgot about Angelle too. My advice to these kids would be to legally change their names the second that they turn 18 if they have any hopes of making it anywhere in life. Some countries such as France have a list of names and it is required to name your child from that list. The Us needs the same law. You should have to have your baby name approved for the child’s sake.
Zander is also almost normal, should be spelled Xander, from Alexander, and also that Buffy character.
… ok, still sounds wussy
I got to admit, I kind of like Brooklyn. But for someone older, say, in her twenties, in tight leather and spike heels and one of them biker hats…
Hold on a sec. Be right back.
What happened to Alexes? As in, more than one Alex?
That was a great way to start the day. Made me feel normal. Love the Color Purple reference.
I posted this once before, but it fits nicely with this article. In Beloit, Wisconsin lives a woman whose mom tried despearately to ruin her daughter’s future by naming her…Marijuana Pepsi. See? It CAN get worse. http://www.jsonline.com/news/milwaukee/40874017.html
Oh…and the La-a is an urban myth name.
Jen, where do you work? Cicero?!
Ha, Judgy! You brought memories of my first apartment. It was in Cicero, abutted the el tracks, and was half a block away from the Shoo-shoo All Girl Revue. No, that is not where I got my name.
Yikes, and you lived?? My dad used to work in Cicero and when he would get called in at night she would HONESTLY worry he wasn’t coming home. But my mom is a whole other story.
She didn’t leave that pink CFM outside the doorway though. My roomy and I hauled carcass out of there in a hurry.
Mother Cawfee is getting eye shots ( yes, really) for her macular degeneration– the med is called Eyelea –Eye Leah. Am waiting to see it on the show –rofl
I want to see some go full on Ke$ha and put symbols in their name–yay!!!!!! Pixie stixx
I had an employee named Lionnesse, it was pronounced Lion-neice. I kept forgetting and calling her lioness.
Wow. And my friend Krystyn (Kristen) thought she has it bad…
I have a really normal name spelled correctly, but for some reason everyone wants to spell it all stupid like these moms would. It drives me nuts. I want to say, “No! It’s spelled correctly. My parents are literate!” I made sure we gave our son a nice, masculine, normal name. Troy. Normal. You’ve heard it before. I didn’t spell it all “Teroiey” or anything. Why other people name their kids the most ridiculous names is beyond me. My son is going to stand out in school, because he will be the only kid without a symbol in his name or some stupid extra “y”.
And those stripper names. Yep, when you’re a little girl and you’re thinking of names for your future children, Alexis, Jasmine, Desiree, Aviana, and Emerald are all great names. But then you grow up and realize those are stripper names.
And I loved the Color Purple reference. I was thinking more of her being named after a mattress, like Sealy Posturpedic. So, I guess that could also be a stripper/porn name.
This was great, it was like taking a time machine 10 years into the future and seeing all the names of the dancers at your local strip club. Fun Fact, while I’ve never stripped, if I did my stage name would be Keynesian Economics.
I really like the name Braxton for a girl. I love when girls have masculine names.
@Joy – lolol – I’ve never known a straight Troy, does he have a brother named Lance???
Thank you Flipit! When I taught I had a precious girl whose name was Muffin… enough said. Then there was the boy named Wassa, because he wassa sweet baby! My favorite name of all time is Episiotomy, because the mother heard the word during delivery and thought it sounded biblical.
@Amber, me too! That’s why I went with Rhys (Reese) for my girl. It’s kinda unisex in the States because of Witherspoon, but the Welsh spelling seems to be used by males. (Rhys Iran’s, etc.) I’m wondering if this a trend. I know two toddler girls named Clarke and Channing.
Cracking up at Episiotomy!
Which brings to mind Neveah. Gosh, that name is so ridiculous.
First off, Meadow? hmm..ok then.
Lastnight while I was watching T&T and advil commercail came on, and the Lady in the commercial, well her name was SunShine….I am going with her parents must have been hippies!
My name, Alison, is often spelled wrong, by many people, including my own family members! My nana used to spell it Ellison. But she was also German, so I am guessing to her it was right, cause she was spellling it they way she thought it was…
I do like the name Emerald, its cute, and that particular mom, calls her Em or Emma. I have a friend, she has had 3 girls Zoey, Elle (which is actually Ellie, but dad spelled her name wrong on and engraved gift, so that incorrect spelling when on the birth certificate), and Audrey. If I ever have kids, I want them to have “normal” names. But MR Z won’t let me name our Son Roman. It is his middle name, but he doesn’t really like it.
If you name your child Braxton, people will think you never got over your false labor pains.
Flipit-Hell Ya!
My daughter’s middle name is Halia. It means “”in loving memory” in Hawaiian.
I was going to name her Madison Patricia after my mom, but chose Halia when I realized that Maddie Patty would not make a great CEO name. Some of us take this stuff seriously.
Episiotomy? HAHAHAHAH sounded Biblical is going to have me laughing all damn day.
haha no. well i mean there is a town of cicero near my work but i doubt that’s what you are referring to. I work at a museum in NY. Little Trinity and her mother Latrina could visit me if they wished since I’m only about 20 minutes away (though for some reason Trinity goes to a city school but maybe they just moved and didn’t want to disrupt the kids school year so who knows. it doesn’t matter in the end.)
One of my coworkers does a program at the city schools and it seems like have the children’s names end in “asia” (Ja-kasia. not sure how it is spelled but that’s the phonetic way). There’s making it so your kid isn’t one of six “Michaels” in the class and then there’s giving your child a bat-shit crazy name. Pretty soon Michael will be “unique.” Speaking of “Unique” that is what an ex-worker named his son. Unique. His daughter was Tydaya.
Seriously people. It shouldn’t be but people will look at the crazy ass name you gave your kid when they are hiring. Good luck finding work outside the adult entertainment industry with a name like “Sparkal Queenz” A friend of mine and I decided she and her mother could start a ‘phone line’ when she was old enough. 1-800-HRM-SPKL
My favorite urban legend names are “Female” (pronounced “Fa-maul-le”) and the woman who supposedly named her daughter “chlamydia” cause it looked pretty. If someone had actually name their kid these, heaven help the child.
A friend of mine posts “Todays Names” of the people he deals with in his law firm. (Just the first names and only if they are totally out there)
Seriously though name your kid what you want but don’t expect me to know how to pronounce it on the first try or for me to not giggle behind your back when you come up with something totally out there like “Qamirelyn”
Naming kids strangely isn’t really new. My mother’s maiden name is Babbe (pronounced “Bobby”) so of course her aunt and uncle named their son Robert. How’d ya like to be Bobby Babbe?
Any rels among the Gasmii?
Oh by the way, our university graduation packet contains a form that requests a phonetic spelling of names to ensure correct pronunciation. You would not believe the number of commonly named seniors came to the writing lab to ask me how to fill out the form.
I weep.
I forgot all about reading this when I first saw this. Big mistake on my part. Too funny! I knew there were some crazy names but I didn’t realize how many though. Do these mothers not think of their daughters future resumes and job interviews?
Aja (pronounced “Ah-ja”) means “Garbage” in Arabic. Halia means “a complete mess” or a “complete disaster” in Greek. Nice things to name your child! LOLOL!
Here’s a name I just saw on a local TV stations facebook. In all caps. Because *gasp* they didn’t show her baby’s picture and therefor her 5 year old thinks Mommy doesn’t love her.
Ny’Jhaya.
My son has a girl named Nature is his class
Snowshoecat (or should I say Sno-shu-kat) – that is a truly horrifying and sad tale.
I actually really like the name Ever Rose. It sounds like an old-timey Southern name.
The name that most irked me (inexplicably) was Alaska. Not quite sure why, since Dakota and Indiana don’t bother me.
I briefly worked with a guy who named his children (by different baby mamas) Money-Ka and Money-Sha. This was roughly 12 years ago so he might have an army of Money-’s by now.
I went to junior high with a girl named Porsche. She had a sister named Mercedes which isn’t weird as they were Latino. However, when the third girl was called Corvette, everyone started giving them the sideye.
BeliBabe, I LOVE Sno-shu-kat! Besides, anything that drives my auto-correct crazy is just fine with me.
@Marianna-I have never heard the Greek meaning of Halia before, LOL! It is my daughters middle name, and means In Loving Memory in Hawaiian. Her room is quite Halia.
I can’t wait to harass her with the Greek interpretation. Thanks
am so glad I came to read the rest of the comments– rofl
@lalala – lol No, he has no siblings. I never thought of Troy as a gay dude’s name, not that it offends. I think I’ll name my next kid Randy Richard or Harold Richard. Just so I can be juvenile and screw him up for life.
Oh, and no joke. The elevator inspector guy in the Dallas area’s name is William Kuntz. Best last name EVER.
As a Native American who practices Kwanzaa, my next child will be called Sacagawea Kujichagulia.
Sorry JoySub, but here in Minnesota (state motto: if you aren’t Scandahoooovian, you’re probably German) it’s pronounced Koontz, which really takes all the fun out of it. We have quite a few poor people named Fuchs, too.
But I have the maturity of a nine year old boy, so we’ll just keep it your way.
in my daughters dance class there is a
Heaven and a Neveah
I knew a guy in college who had a daughter
Alexyss ( Alexis)
Lol that’s my little girl on the bottom of the first page but I missed her name on the list
Hey kids! Nookie Postal is the name of the executive chef of the Boston Red Sox! Hard to beat that one, although I do wonder if Nookie is a given name. Still….
My husband and I have lots of relatives with the first name “Harry” in our families. So we had to name our son Harry something, and like his dad he would go by his middle name. I always wanted a kid named Pete, but we just couldn’t saddle our sweet boy with the name “Harry Peter”.
“What is Harry Peter into now?”, or “Would you be able to babysit our little Harry Peter tonight?”
Nope. His name is Harry Christopher.
Want some real fun with names? Google the Chatham County, GA mugshots page and have a ball!
ScottyW, I will do that! In the meantime I am slapping myself on the forehead. How could I gave forgotten that My first Ob/Gyn’s last name was Doctor? My first child was delivered by Doctor Doctor. I know that we are discussing the awful things peopler name kids, but ya gotta love the odd family tree.
I knew Story and her family – Story was her grandmother’s maiden name. So its a family name and she’s a really cool kid. Also really well-adjusted imo. I think pageants are only one of several activities they do.
ScottyW – my sister works in admissions at a Chatham Co., GA hospital. She texts me names every day. This week’s submissions; Sainttonio, Rockinia, Nightengale, Yaritza and my fave Winderfert.
One of my favorite mugshot names is a chick picked up for a misdemeanor named Fellony! Winderfert is excellent, though!
I just watched southern celebrity Ohio episode and one of the girls (not featured) was called Timea!! It did sound like they were announcing the fungal infection. That makes Alycesaundra seem respectable…..
Chadisty.
Every time I see Alycesaundra I want to read it as Alycesauce and my brain melts. :/
I know someone named Sinnamon. Well….. she’s my sister
My mom named her after a character in the TV series “Mission Impossible”.
She’s got her MBA so there’s hope for the Placentia’s out there.
Yes, the rest of us kids got pretty normal names although my older sister and I would have been named Star and Sky if my mother had her way.
I think my grandmother put a stop to it…I really love my grandma!
My sister-in-law is a nurse and was once worked in the maternity ward. She swears a new mother named her twins Marcus Dontavius and Dontavius Marcus.
I was watching one of the new episodes from this season and a non feathered kids this season was named Ya-ha-ria (obviously I’m spelling it phonetically) at first all I though was either diarrhea (which lead me to a thought on the name Latrina) or gonorrhea. People! please think of the children!!!
I was once chit chatting with a gal I had just met and she started talking about how her sister just had a baby boy and named him Cale. She went on and on about how ugly the name was, how it’s a damn vegetable (different spelling for the veggie tho), and why on earth you would do that to your kid. Well, she turned red as fire with embarassment when I told her that’s my brothers name! I found it hilarious but she was mortified! I don’t think it’s weird at all and have met quite a few other Cales over the years but when some people hear/see it they just go whaaa? Lol!
My daughters are Anastasia, Callista, and Aella. The two are kind of out-there, but they have very plain middle names so if they want to go by those names, it’s fine. and I like the meaning of all of the names.
A little girl that my daughters do gymnastics with is named Nada. Apparently it means Dew in Arabic or hebrew, but in Spanish, it means Nothing… Poor kid. There’s also a boy in my youngest’s class named Steingrimmer. He’s Icelandic, but his parents couldn’t understand why six year olds can’t pronounce his name.
My husband is from Tupelo, MS, and when we drove home to see the in-laws, we passed a billboard for Dr. Phil A. Hooker. Way to embrace it!
I went to college with a Sweetone and she was anything but. I have a friend who named her children after characters in Mills and Boon books. I have also told my daughter she is lucky to have a normal name. She could have been Rainbow, Starshine, Moonbeam or Sky (which actually is a normal name here).
And I grew up with a girl who always said she was going to call her first girl Crystal until she married a man with the surname of Glass.
@Bluedog I actually went to high school with a girl named Crystal Ball.
You’re right at the fact that some countries do actually have laws that prevent silly names. Last week I heard the story of a Belgian couple named \Pot\ that wanted their baby daughter to be named \Bloem\ (= Flower). The combination means the same thing in Flemish/Dutch as in English. The public servant that had to register the names refused and the courts agreed with him.
And who can forgot the idiots that named their kids after Adof Hitler and Joceylynn Aryan Nation, who did lose custody of their kids after they were turned into CPS because of the birthday cake they ordered for the 5 year old, state saying that it was not because of the names, but because of abuse allegations.
There’s also the category of: take half of a trendy name and pair it with half of another trendy name: Trenleigh, Skylee, Ashlyn, Maybreigh, Jayla, Jessalyn
And the category of: throw a bunch of y’s in there and it becomes original — Jordyn, Camryn.