Vanderpump Rules Recap: Can I Get a DAY-UM?

Vanderpump Rules

By Alejandra | Friday, February 15, 2013 | 5:56 pm | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Vanderpump Rules

Jax and LL aren’t working that night, apparently, so they head to Takami, a rooftop sushi restaurant downtown.  Fans of bathroom/public/televised sex that they are, they immediately head to the employee bathroom to have sex.  How do I know it’s an employee bathroom?  Because LL announces it as soon as they approach.  Why LL’s “freak” behavior isn’t throwing off a million fucking warning bells in Jax’s head is the reason he will eventually knock up some crazy bitch and wind up on Jerry Springer before he’s 40. 

They emerge all giggles and sit down to eat.  I furiously try to visualize where that table is in the restaurant so I can avoid it for life, and they discuss their relationship.  Well, I should say that LL discusses how happy she is in their relationship, and Jax thinks hard about how long he can go on enjoying sex with her and listen to her voice at the same time.  It’s not good, y’all.  LL goes on for about 20 minutes about how Jax is gorgeous, she can’t keep her hands off of him and how if someone had followed her around for the past five years listening to everything she’d wanted in a man, then gave Jax a list, he STILL couldn’t say more right things.

Can I get  a “DAY-UM”?

Girl, YOU are not someone who can talk about following someone for five years listening to what they want in a relationship and not have people think that it’s something you may have done before…  Jax interviews that LL is 100% into their relationship, but he’s not sure if he’s even 80%, 50% or really, any% in this for the relationship. 

HAHHAHAHAHA!!

Uh-to the-oh.  Anyone else smell rabbit soup?

At Lisa’s house, she meets with her publicist and talks about restaurant stuff that I (or, let’s be honest, WE) really don’t care about.  There’s some kind of new menu coming, developed by some supposedly hot chef, but then Ken interrupts with the news that Jax and LL were caught having sex in the Sur bathroom and my ears a far more perked all of a sudden.

I AM ASHAMED.

Lisa interviews with as much fake conviction as she can muster (it ain’t much) that she’s simply horrified her employees would “f***” in the bathroom.  Right after they clock in.  Well, to be fair, it probably wasn’t right after they clocked in.  It was probably toward the end of the shift after they’d been drinking all night.  Oh, wait, I forgot.  LL is “sober.”  If only “sober” equaled “sane.”

Lisa’s publicist, in an effort to prove her usefulness remarks that AS Lisa’s publicist, it’s her duty to point out that servers having sex in the bathrooms “isn’t a good look.”  I like that she pointed out she was saying this, “as [Lisa’s] publicist.”  I assume that as her friend she’d be asking for details.  I know I would be.  Professionalism is all about relationship distinctions.

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About

Alejandra lives in Los Angeles and is an actor/writer/producer of opinions.  She loves the beach, but never goes, and hates reality stars, but follows them religiously.  In addition to TVGasm, you can read her writing at the online magazine DigN2It, or various fanfiction websites if you're industrious enough to find her.  If you're not industrious at all, a bottle of fine wine will always be an acceptable bribe.

12 Comments

  1. 1
    patbsaid
    Posted February 16, 2013 at 12:29 pm

    Don’t you think “as Lisa’s publicist” would advise that it’s not a good look to TELEVISE that fact that two of your employees had sex in the bathroom?!

  2. 2
    patbsaid
    Posted February 16, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    Also, that’s Stassi’s dad, not stepdad. He’s the one who competed with her on the Amazing Race. Thouh, on AR Stassi’s step mom competed too. But now it looks like her mom and dad are back together? Confusing.

  3. 3
    Miss Molly
    Posted February 16, 2013 at 3:16 pm

    I spit laughed when Stassi’s Dad asked Frank if he was a Democrat. (yea – coz he don’t care if you are employed or a gigantic dickwad .. just so long as you are not a Democrat)

  4. 4
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted February 16, 2013 at 5:39 pm

    This show is even trashier than I expected. And I watch Shahs of Sunset. So you know I set the bar high.

  5. 5
    Whatever
    Posted February 17, 2013 at 6:39 am

    Yeah those were both Stassi’s biological parents. Maybe they’re just friendly after so many years divorced? But they did look quite comfortable. Her dad is an architect in New Orleans and last episode she said her mom lived in California. Her dad was a giant ass on the Amazing Race.

  6. 6
    NouveauPoor
    Posted February 17, 2013 at 8:59 pm

    “So sut up.”

    Hysterical.

  7. 7
    MrsRogerSterling
    Posted February 18, 2013 at 10:33 am

    Fun new drinking game! Take a shot every time Stassi says “literally”. You will be bombed before the first SUR empolyee tells us how good looking they all are!

  8. 8
    labowner
    Posted February 19, 2013 at 9:55 am

    Let’s hope someone has gotten inside Stassi’s pants and tied her tubes. You would think she would be a better human being, but then you meet her drunk and let’s rip on our daughter parents and I see where her attitude comes from.

  9. 9
    Maggs
    Posted February 19, 2013 at 10:23 am

    did you see the previews for next week? That LL saying she had unprotected sex with Jax and then Jax having to tell Stassi some bad news? my bet is LL is knocked up, or tells him she’s knocked up to keep him and F up his getting back with Stassi

  10. 10
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted February 19, 2013 at 11:14 am

    Jax looovvvesss him some damaged women doesn’t he.
    What. A. Tool.

  11. 11
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted February 19, 2013 at 11:58 am

    IS THIS REAL LIFE???

  12. 12
    Miss Delight
    Posted February 19, 2013 at 1:53 pm

    A. “So sut up.”
    B. “An orange peanut? For me?!”

    These two gems put you in the “Best recap of any show I’ve read all year” category.

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