Vanderpump Rules Recap: Show Biz Loves Crazy

Vanderpump Rules

By Alejandra | Tuesday, February 26, 2013 | 11:46 pm | 26 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Vanderpump Rules

We open this week on Stassi and Jax as they head to a dog boutique (I can’t even tell you how many of those fuckers exist in this city.  It’s depressing.  Even more depressing?  I was once paid to pick up a dog’s birthday cake from a dog bakery.), to de-Laura Leigh Jax’s dog Zoe.  Stassi’s looking much like her old self these days now that the world is right side up and Jax and her friends are kissing her ass again.  Hilariously metaphorical, dogs hump each other around the couple’s ankles as Jax dedicates his whole fucking life to getting Stassi back.  He’ll do anything, say anything, BE anything, if she’ll just take him back.  Stassi pouts that she’s making an effort to get past ALL his mistakes so they can be “friends” again, and then snakes him out of a hundred bucks.  This girl is good.  Not only is she not sleeping with him, she’s not even committed to being FRIENDS with him, and he’s still giving her money he probably doesn’t have.

Write a book, Girl.  I’d read it.

At Sur, LL approaches Lisa and squeaks that she’s quitting… because bitch booked a Jennifer Aniston movie.  She’s flying out at 10pm that night and isn’t looking the fuck back.  Holy.  Mother.  Of.  God.  That, my friends, is reality television gold.  When she was cray-craying all over Jax last week about how when she booked her own TV show and got her picture took walking down the red carpet all of them were going to be sorry, all I could see was her at home in a studio in Echo Park doing meth alone and talking to herself!  Not to mention it’s kind of frustrating to see someone who is clearly non-functional on so many levels succeed at a career widely deemed to be one of the hardest.  Then again, show biz likes crazy…

…all the way to the bank.

Later on in the evening, Kristen’s at work and she calls Tom (while at work, on the floor) to whine about how much she misses Stassi and wants to make up.  Tom encourages Kristen to go through with it, probably unaware of the massive amount of shit his girlfriend is about to eat.  Use a dental dam tonight, Tom.  But, before she can get the chance to pull Stassi aside, Peter pops up to both women and lets them know that LL will no longer be working at Sur due to a deux ex machina I keep wishing will happen to me.  Kristen’s all, “She BOOKED it?” and looks much like she’s going to puke.  Ha!  Now go beg Stassi for forgiveness, so your night of humiliation and regret will be complete. 

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About

Alejandra lives in Los Angeles and is an actor/writer/producer of opinions.  She loves the beach, but never goes, and hates reality stars, but follows them religiously.  In addition to TVGasm, you can read her writing at the online magazine DigN2It, or various fanfiction websites if you're industrious enough to find her.  If you're not industrious at all, a bottle of fine wine will always be an acceptable bribe.

26 Comments

  1. 1
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 12:17 am

    Well if there is another season, I’ll be watching. Yeah I just said that!!
    I am shocked that RHOM was even brought back for a second season. I barely made it through DC and refused miami!

    Will be back for the reunion ;)

  2. 2
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 3:17 am

    Has anybody else noticed that Larali looks just like Katie Holmes used to before she got Princess Di style uter-rented by the Scientologists?

    Speaking of people’s looks. I don’t see where Stasslococcus looks that much better with her false chin than her before pics.

    But I did notice she’s got 1 eye that likes to go Miss Andy on her. Her family should’ve spent their Amazing Race $ fixing that instead. Since she wants to model.

  3. 3
    featherhead
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 4:40 am

    Sounds to me like the “lady” in Vegas scammed Jax. Dumbass sent her money for an abortion – was he even sure she was pregnant and if so – was it his?? I hope she got a grand from that loser! If he wanted to come clean with his lies, why do it at the party? Cannot wait till the reunion!

  4. 4
    Miss Molly
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 7:21 am

    Jason (now that I know his real name I refuse to use the other one) – they are called condoms.

  5. 5
    MissKris RTVfan
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 7:26 am

    I also admit if there’s a 2nd season I’ll watch. I’m down to only watching the NY, NJ and BH housewives (!! only?!) so I need another Bravo show. I can’t stand Stassi’s face. Really? Chin implant? She needs another one. She has the \homely girl gets a makeover\ face and she always looks like she just had a huge crying jag. Always puffy and bloated looking.

    I know it’s so superficial to pick on her face, but this is how I release my inner meanness I guess!

  6. 6
    Jaime Sommers
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 8:20 am

    Stassi looks like a less attractive horsier version of Chelsea Clinton. Yeah, I said it. And LL… really? I wonder how many actual talented, better looking acting students wanted to down a bottle of scotch and vicoden after seeing her “make it”.

  7. 7
    MissKris RTVfan
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 8:22 am

    Yes! Chelsea Clinton. It was bugging me who she reminded me of.

  8. 8
    MrsRogerSterling
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 9:03 am

    Stassi is an ugly crier. That’s all.

  9. 9
    labowner
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 9:07 am

    I heard LL is a veteran of reality tv shows. Back to reading the recap.

  10. 10
    Spababe
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 9:37 am

    I have to admit that I had my doubts about the show but I’m ready for another season. Hopefully we don’t have to wait another full year.

  11. 11
    labowner
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 9:39 am

    I’m sorry but after watching Stassi’s behavior with Kristen, I could not help but laugh when Jax was telling her he cheated. She is such a delusional bitch and Lisa is coddling her behavior. Is Stassi Pandora’s Cedric?

    Alejandra, thanks for recapping this shit show for us.

  12. 12
    Stuffed
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 11:52 am

    I have not been following this show that much, but the few times i have it did struck me how pretty Stassi is. I think she has major insecurities, just like many other beautiful women, because they know guys are with them for their looks. Men who goes after her, will go after other pretty girls too: ” if i got her, then maybe i can get someone even prettier too”- phenomenon.

  13. 13
    captain-save-uh-hoe
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    I challenge anyone to find a better line than “live up to that sock in your speedo.” That, my friend, was gold.

  14. 14
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 2:08 pm

    Maybe LL was playing “crazy,” rather than actually being so? Plus, maybe she wanted to showcase her “acting” talents by playing the sex freak, the psycho and the ingenue within the show’s entire run?She’s crazy… like a formerly meth-addicted fox.

  15. 15
    Spababe
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    Watch next year she comes back pregnant. Remember her and Jax used unprotected sex.

  16. 16
    labowner
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 3:17 pm

    Derek, check out her IMDB page, she cleans up very nicely and has had a few jobs. I call bull on her being a meth addict unless she has the pictures and scabs to prove it.

  17. 17
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 5:06 pm

    Those two walking STDs princess STASSInfection and Jax totally deserve each other. My absolutely favorite moment of this show was Laura-Leigh telling that cowardly anal orifice Jax off in the bar while he tried to ignore her. Second favorite moment was the snivel wad Stassi asking for the night off because Laura-Leigh was working too.

  18. 18
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 5:08 pm

    So LL is going to be on the Client List for like 4 or 5 episodes…Man, I happen to like that show….

  19. 19
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    Nice Darko reference…

  20. 20
    labowner
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 5:58 pm

    Featherhead – Jax took to his twitter to say yes the woman did scam him (who knows as he is an admitted liar), is working at SUR and he and Stassi are together? They will be on WWHL on the 4th.

  21. 21
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 6:07 pm

    ^ nice pull @ labowner.

  22. 22
    labowner
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 6:07 pm

    Forgot – ewwwwww they share their work dresses.

  23. 23
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 6:16 pm

    @lab! My dinner! LMAO. Who would ever share that info?

  24. 24
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 6:49 pm

    So, does Sclera have a better itunes career going than RHOJ hosewife Melissa Gorga?

  25. 25
    featherhead
    Posted February 28, 2013 at 8:10 am

    @labowner – Thanks for the confirmation! As soon as I heard his story, I was like that is the oldest trick in the book! And if the idiot fell for it, he deserves everything he got!

  26. 26
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted February 28, 2013 at 8:18 am

    @Aunt Dorsey, not sure, but maybe there’s a Bravo-lebrity channel on Pandora?

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