Vanderpump Rules Recap: Stop Crying at Work, Already!!

Vanderpump Rules

By Alejandra | Friday, February 22, 2013 | 6:00 am | 18 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Vanderpump Rules

At Sur, Lisa has a sit down with Katie and Peter about a dinner for Mohammed she wantS to plan.  She wants it to be a lovely affaih, Dahling!  Only the best servers and there will be served, like, a dinner with many courses.  Like a tasting menu…?  Her words, not mine.  Oh, Lisa.  I’ve been defending you to your detractors over this show, but you just made it really hard for me to do so.  Interestingly, when Lisa rattles off the list of possible “best” servers  to work the party, neither Scheana, nor Stassi is mentioned.  Peter does suggest Scheana, but her past with Brandi, who might be in attendance, makes Lisa put her in the “no” column.  As for Stassi, no one seems concerned with her exclusion.  They also didn’t mention Kristen, but I don’t care about her, so, moving on!

Some time later, Scheana, Stassi and Katie all meet up at the Andaz rooftop pool for some girltime and daydrinking.  Damn, that looks like fun.  I am mental noting to do that come warmer weather.  Since I moved to the beach I’ve become too good for rooftop pools, but now I realize that was folly.  Ain’t nobody better than a pool where they  bring you drinks.

Everyone has a great time, except for Stassi, who’s got to get her article for Pandora done (oh yes, Pandy’s just GOT to have it, Pandy has absolutely nothing else to worry about but her adorable husband and the fact that if she didn’t ever want to work again, she wouldn’t have to) and is nervous about Kristen showing up.  On top of all that, Stassi’s got to have a sit-down with Peter about her bullying of LL.  GOOD.  That shit was unacceptable.  Also, if you’re gonna bully someone, cover your ass more, Stassi.  LL is about as sturdy as an Ikea wine glass.  You could’ve knocked her out of a job with any number of sly manipulation tactics and no one would have been the wiser.

If you’re gonna bully, bully smart.

Kristen arrives after having been shittalked for about 45 minutes before her arrival.  She snidely ignores Stassi and hops off to find a drink with Scheana.  Stassi is annoyed that Kristen can’t just be cordial so they all can just get along, and I wonder why Stassi thinks Kristen cares if anyone gets along.  That’s the thing about people sometimes – they can happily have a drink with two people they like and one person they don’t like.  They just don’t talk to the person they don’t like and things are fine.  Go work on your article.  Instead of listening, Stassi heads to the bar.  #beenthere.

To prove to us more that their relationship is moving even more quickly than we thought and that LL is even more dependent, Jax heads to what looks like an AA meeting with LL!  Which should absolutely be televised!  Oy.  When it’s LL’s turn to speak, she reveals what I think we all knew – that she luuuurved the crystal, and still can’t get her drinking under control.  Jax literally does a double-take and by the end of meeting he’s telling her they need to slow things down.  HA!  Sorry, not fun for LL, but could there have been a hastier exit?  He tells her and us that he’s always skipped the dating part of a relationship (you know, the part where the guy pays for stuff?) and headed straight to bf/gf territory.  That’s unfortunate given all the vital information that is gathered during dating season.  Like whether or not one of you is a former methhead and not quite “sober.”

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About

Alejandra lives in Los Angeles and is an actor/writer/producer of opinions.  She loves the beach, but never goes, and hates reality stars, but follows them religiously.  In addition to TVGasm, you can read her writing at the online magazine DigN2It, or various fanfiction websites if you're industrious enough to find her.  If you're not industrious at all, a bottle of fine wine will always be an acceptable bribe.

18 Comments

  1. 1
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 7:01 am

    IS THIS REAL LIFE? I feel funny, why is this happening to me? Is this going to be FOREVER?

  2. 2
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 9:50 am

    Except for Lisa, everybody on this show is a train wreck, box of rocks, and or an asshat. Not to mention dating people you work in a restaurant with in the 1st place is just stupid.

    But if they were regular people what I’d think about the break ups is that Stassi was right to dump Jax if he was living off of her and doing stuff like sleeping in the car.

    Although with her doing stuff like emailing his jobs and saying he can’t do them he should’ve dumped her 1st.

    A lot of people go get a rebound hookup after they break up with somebody. But your work’s the worst place to get 1 from.

    But if a regular person’s rebound hookup turned out to be smack in the middle of trying to treat their meth problems, the thing to do would be apologize and say you’re not ready to rebound after all. And need to be by yourself for a while. So it’s not a good idea to keep seeing each other because you’re also super attracted and don’t want to get tempted. Which is unfair to you and them.

    What you don’t do is say you don’t want to spend every day together but you still want to hook up with them. And then just quit calling or texting them. Which is what Jax did with LL.

    She was right to be pissed off. And feel hurt. But she also should’ve realized that she’s the 1 that dodged the bullet. There’s treatment for meth problems. But not for being a fuckwaffle.

    So there wasn’t any need for her to say anything to Jax. And there never needed to be any conversation between Stassi and her either. When LL got the 1st mean text she should’ve just blocked the number. She didn’t need to say anything about it to anybody. Or think about it.

    But then if they were regular people that kept their personal problems to themselves Bravo wouldn’t put them on the show and they wouldn’t be the trashdumps that are entertaining us.

    Did anybody else notice Pandy’s got more of an English accent since she moved out from home?

  3. 3
    labowner
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 9:58 am

    Who pointed out Schaena’s ear rings were different in her sobbing scene?

    Please explain what Stassi has on the Vanderpump’s that they keep putting up with her BS?

    Alejandra are you insinuating that Stassi and Frank are back together? I thought she was back with Jax, at least that is how I took his answers when they were on WWHL. Why would anyone want to be with her?

    Alejandra thanks for recapping this shit show.

  4. 4
    Miss Molly
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 10:36 am

    Seeing Stassi get a puppy reminded me of Heidi getting a dog in season 1 of The Hills.
    What ever happened to Bella??????

  5. 5
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 11:57 am

    I was cheering/laughing (choking on my drink) when Laura-Leigh was telling Jax off in the bar in front of customers. (She may be nuts, but she ain’t totally crazy.) He makes my toes curl. On WHAT planet is he considered good looking?!? He and StassInfection, truly, totally deserve each other. I just hope his sperm and her eggs cancel each other out and they don’t breed. Please jeebus.

    I hated Stassi brat and her awful family on Amazing Race all those years ago–and like cockroaches, they refuse to die. They’rrrrre bacccccckkkkkk. But no–she never left. She apparently has been lurking with bad intent on various Z-level reality shows all along. I love the guys on Watch What Crappens saying she’s *Fat Ready* please let that happen NOW!

  6. 6
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    LL did drop the we had unprotected sex bomb on us last week….

    Thanks goodness this show is over on monday!

  7. 7
    Holyterror
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 2:40 pm

    I hate these snotballs, and I couldn’t stand this show at first; but I have to admit, now I’m hooked.

    Perhaps it’s out of a desire to see them all go up in flames — their elevated blood alcohol contents should aid the process.

  8. 8
    Holyterror
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    @Aunt Dorsey,

    LOVE “Stassinfection”!!!

  9. 9
    Catherine
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    The commenters in various recaps on this site have given me the most amazing new words…. Fuck waffle, fuck funnel, name-fuckery (in regards to the spelling of the kids names in teen mom)….. Lolllllll

  10. 10
    labowner
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    Could you imagine George Carlin doing a bit explaining the Gasmii vocabulary.

  11. 11
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    @Catherine, you have forgotten my all time favorites, twat waffle and dick smack. We come up with some pretty good one in any of the housewives recaps :)

  12. 12
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 8:05 pm

    Ugh. There really is NOTHING worse than a guy spending every moment with you, having sex with you, being all lovey-dovey, and them WHAM! Gone. No explanation. Boils my effing blood!! Can you tell that happened to me once? I finally got a brief email from the douchnozzle that was enough “closure”for me, but I seriously would have had to hunt him down if that had not materialized. Girls in general do NOT do well without that dreaded closure/explanation/just fucking WHY? Lol.

    Anyone know (or have a guess) why Princess Stassi is all bawling, again, with Jax asking him how could he DO that to her? VD? LL prego? He’s dumping her for LL since he realized LL may be wack-a-doodle but at least she’s not an entitled pompous bee-yotch?

  13. 13
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 8:07 pm

    @labowner, that was me…I pointed it out over on #RHOBH… also look at her manicure. (Did you see it too?) Same as the day she confronted Brandi. #thingsthatmakeyougohmmmm

    Also, I want to point out and for those who haven’t been to Los Angeles that The Viper Room is awesome but, its a tourist trap like in any other major city. It’s exactly the size of Lisa’s loo where she took Kim’s call next to the commode. Well, very close to that. So, $2500 to reserve that stage when they seemingly were touting the Roxy as the venue appears shady (to me) and up to crafty Bravo editing again unless Schwartz and Max wore the exact same outfit and gave the exact same high five at two different events.

    I could be totally wrong and if I am someone please correct me but The Viper room’s red paint and shoebox feel appear where it makes you feel like 50 people can look like 500 with the proper editing and camera angles. Though, when I was there I was watching a full band on the tiny stage and not 3 hussies lip singing over a recorded track.

    What I am saying is, I think they said they filmed at the Roxy (and maybe they did) but there was some Viper Room editing going on when Lisa, Ken and Max were the focus for about 30 seconds.

    This show is the meth addicted cousin of The Hills.

    Thanks for capping this hot mess Alejandra!

    Who wants in on what Jax has to confess to Stassinfection?

    I’ll give three options but chime in if you want to add to the mix. Let’s make this fun!

    Top three things Jax could be apologizing for:
    1. Lying about the stripper pregnancy and coming clean
    2. Contracting and STD from LL by having a threesome with LL & Scheena
    3. Stealing Stassi’s SSN for personal gain

    Anyone in?

  14. 14
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 8:27 pm

    @AmyOops- here is a slightly bitchy story for you…I was seeing this guy before I met my husband. We talked on the phone for months…Match.com…he was stationed in Hawaii and about to get out of the Army and move back home…Once he did we started actually dating. I was in school at the time while he was looking for a job. My teacher was preg and was having contractions so we went home. I called him to see if he wanted to do something… he said that he would call me back, being that he was in an interview with on of the local police departments….He never called back….finally on Valentines day I called him and told him to go fuck himself.. that was about 3 weeks later…My aunt told me I should go back on Match and see what else was out there…I did. Met my husband :) the next Valentines day…well a few days after hubbs and I had our big family wedding…pictures and all. So I decided to email my ex bf a wedding picture of myself and one of our flower girls. Whom happened to be my cousin, whom he had met. He emailed me back and said, “Wow, I guess I should have called you back cause this could have been us.”

    @Gypsy-Jax said that Stassi already knew about the Vegas stripper as in it happened when they first got together. but I am going to go out on a limb and guess A-LL is PG. 2-VD. 3- he had to put his dog to sleep. That is all I have for now..

  15. 15
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 8:42 pm

    Whoa @thisbuggs4u, I love a happy ending, so happy for ya! Yay for efn humanity!

    HA, I love your guesses. So, are you saying you think Jaxx was embellishing about how freaky LL was for TV?

    Don’t know about you all but, doing it in bathrooms anywhere is just asking for it.

    Buuuuut, the LA department of Water Works, aka Stassinfection could be crying over the fact that Jax got a job at Villa Blanca and won’t be at SUR anymore, LOL!

  16. 16
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 9:54 pm

    @Gypsy- LL is PG as in pregnant… :) and because she is preg they are getting married.
    Lol At Jax going to Sur

  17. 17
    Whatever
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 7:44 am

    Jax is going to confess he has been with men.

  18. 18
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    @thisbuggs4u: An ultimately happy ending that even included the douchey-no-call-dude being genuinely repentant! I wish my story had an ending like that. Actually I should just be just grateful I didn’t end up with the ass :-D

    @Whatever: Love it! You know, my gaydar does bleep a bit when Tom S. is around…but that could just be because he’s “model-y” looking.

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