Vanderpump Rules Recap: Stop Crying at Work, Already!!

Vanderpump Rules

By Alejandra | Friday, February 22, 2013 | 6:00 am | 18 Comments
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Posted in: Recaps, Vanderpump Rules

LL, of course, loses it, considering she’s LITERALLY just poured her heart out to someone only to have it LITERALLY rejected, but Jax managed to salvage the situation by being as nice as possible.  They both agree to just not spend every waking minute together – but they’ll still have just as much sex.  THAT won’t change, Jax is sure clarify.

 I can’t tell who’s dumber.  I really, really can’t.

At Lisa’s house, Lisa and Pandora chat about Stassi and Stassi’s complete failure to turn in her column for like, two months.  Pandora acts as though she could possibly look professional talking to her mommy about a completely pedestrian problem, while said mommy is lounging about in a pink bathrobe.  I roll my eyes.  Pandora has called Stassi there to the house to address the issue of the non-columns, and Lisa agrees that a conversation must be bad.  When Stassi’s good she’s good, but when she’s bad, she’s… you know, Stassi. 

After a break, Stassi comes in looking much like her high school self, pre-chinplant, and Pandora rips into her.  Boring.  Anyone else not like Pandy?  She’s way to excited to have airtime right now. I don’t think she gives two shits about Stassi’s column.  Lisa jumps in to talk about how Stassi’s fucking up at work at the moment, and without working for Pandy, there’s no reason for Lisa to overlook things at work.  Specifically Lisa mentions the LL bullying stuff (GOOD), and Stassi still doesn’t have the right perspective on that.  She defends her actions, claiming that LL represented the WORST betrayal of a friendship EVER.  You still looked like an asshole texting her like that. 

Stassi’s really broken up at this point, so Lisa gives her a hug, and promises our wayward fashion BLOGGER that she’ll get another chance – but it’ll be her last one.  Pandora looks on and all I can think about is her underbite. 

In Griffith Park, Jax, Tom Sandoval and Tom Schwartz attempt to convince America that they work out outside and not at Equinox like the rest of LA that overspends on stupid shit.  They also girltalk like no other about Jax and Stassi and how Jax still has feelings for her.  The boy part comes in when the Toms both tell Jax how much they wish Stassi would die in a fire, and that’s hilarious, but the whole scene makes them all a little less attractive.  Oh, and in case you thought Jax and LL’s little slow-down was going to work?  Jax takes yet another opportunity to interview about how he’s leading LL on and doesn’t want to do that to someone.

“Just break up with her already, Dude, we have to rehearse the kickline!”

At Sur, things get even more ugly than the previous display of West Hollywood masculinity when LL decides to confront Stassi at work and Stassi… is just way better at girlfighting than LL is.  Every time LL makes a point, Stassi makes fun of her accent, or drops that Jax is texting HER night after night or calls LL pathetic, or tells LL that her and Jax’s relationship is not exclusive.  It’s so shitty, both Stassi and LL ask to go home immediately after even though it’s Friday night.  JEEZ, LADIES.  Stop bitching about not having money when you try this hard to leave work on busy nights.

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About

Alejandra lives in Los Angeles and is an actor/writer/producer of opinions.  She loves the beach, but never goes, and hates reality stars, but follows them religiously.  In addition to TVGasm, you can read her writing at the online magazine DigN2It, or various fanfiction websites if you're industrious enough to find her.  If you're not industrious at all, a bottle of fine wine will always be an acceptable bribe.

18 Comments

  1. 1
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 7:01 am

    IS THIS REAL LIFE? I feel funny, why is this happening to me? Is this going to be FOREVER?

  2. 2
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 9:50 am

    Except for Lisa, everybody on this show is a train wreck, box of rocks, and or an asshat. Not to mention dating people you work in a restaurant with in the 1st place is just stupid.

    But if they were regular people what I’d think about the break ups is that Stassi was right to dump Jax if he was living off of her and doing stuff like sleeping in the car.

    Although with her doing stuff like emailing his jobs and saying he can’t do them he should’ve dumped her 1st.

    A lot of people go get a rebound hookup after they break up with somebody. But your work’s the worst place to get 1 from.

    But if a regular person’s rebound hookup turned out to be smack in the middle of trying to treat their meth problems, the thing to do would be apologize and say you’re not ready to rebound after all. And need to be by yourself for a while. So it’s not a good idea to keep seeing each other because you’re also super attracted and don’t want to get tempted. Which is unfair to you and them.

    What you don’t do is say you don’t want to spend every day together but you still want to hook up with them. And then just quit calling or texting them. Which is what Jax did with LL.

    She was right to be pissed off. And feel hurt. But she also should’ve realized that she’s the 1 that dodged the bullet. There’s treatment for meth problems. But not for being a fuckwaffle.

    So there wasn’t any need for her to say anything to Jax. And there never needed to be any conversation between Stassi and her either. When LL got the 1st mean text she should’ve just blocked the number. She didn’t need to say anything about it to anybody. Or think about it.

    But then if they were regular people that kept their personal problems to themselves Bravo wouldn’t put them on the show and they wouldn’t be the trashdumps that are entertaining us.

    Did anybody else notice Pandy’s got more of an English accent since she moved out from home?

  3. 3
    labowner
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 9:58 am

    Who pointed out Schaena’s ear rings were different in her sobbing scene?

    Please explain what Stassi has on the Vanderpump’s that they keep putting up with her BS?

    Alejandra are you insinuating that Stassi and Frank are back together? I thought she was back with Jax, at least that is how I took his answers when they were on WWHL. Why would anyone want to be with her?

    Alejandra thanks for recapping this shit show.

  4. 4
    Miss Molly
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 10:36 am

    Seeing Stassi get a puppy reminded me of Heidi getting a dog in season 1 of The Hills.
    What ever happened to Bella??????

  5. 5
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 11:57 am

    I was cheering/laughing (choking on my drink) when Laura-Leigh was telling Jax off in the bar in front of customers. (She may be nuts, but she ain’t totally crazy.) He makes my toes curl. On WHAT planet is he considered good looking?!? He and StassInfection, truly, totally deserve each other. I just hope his sperm and her eggs cancel each other out and they don’t breed. Please jeebus.

    I hated Stassi brat and her awful family on Amazing Race all those years ago–and like cockroaches, they refuse to die. They’rrrrre bacccccckkkkkk. But no–she never left. She apparently has been lurking with bad intent on various Z-level reality shows all along. I love the guys on Watch What Crappens saying she’s *Fat Ready* please let that happen NOW!

  6. 6
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    LL did drop the we had unprotected sex bomb on us last week….

    Thanks goodness this show is over on monday!

  7. 7
    Holyterror
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 2:40 pm

    I hate these snotballs, and I couldn’t stand this show at first; but I have to admit, now I’m hooked.

    Perhaps it’s out of a desire to see them all go up in flames — their elevated blood alcohol contents should aid the process.

  8. 8
    Holyterror
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    @Aunt Dorsey,

    LOVE “Stassinfection”!!!

  9. 9
    Catherine
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    The commenters in various recaps on this site have given me the most amazing new words…. Fuck waffle, fuck funnel, name-fuckery (in regards to the spelling of the kids names in teen mom)….. Lolllllll

  10. 10
    labowner
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    Could you imagine George Carlin doing a bit explaining the Gasmii vocabulary.

  11. 11
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    @Catherine, you have forgotten my all time favorites, twat waffle and dick smack. We come up with some pretty good one in any of the housewives recaps :)

  12. 12
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 8:05 pm

    Ugh. There really is NOTHING worse than a guy spending every moment with you, having sex with you, being all lovey-dovey, and them WHAM! Gone. No explanation. Boils my effing blood!! Can you tell that happened to me once? I finally got a brief email from the douchnozzle that was enough “closure”for me, but I seriously would have had to hunt him down if that had not materialized. Girls in general do NOT do well without that dreaded closure/explanation/just fucking WHY? Lol.

    Anyone know (or have a guess) why Princess Stassi is all bawling, again, with Jax asking him how could he DO that to her? VD? LL prego? He’s dumping her for LL since he realized LL may be wack-a-doodle but at least she’s not an entitled pompous bee-yotch?

  13. 13
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 8:07 pm

    @labowner, that was me…I pointed it out over on #RHOBH… also look at her manicure. (Did you see it too?) Same as the day she confronted Brandi. #thingsthatmakeyougohmmmm

    Also, I want to point out and for those who haven’t been to Los Angeles that The Viper Room is awesome but, its a tourist trap like in any other major city. It’s exactly the size of Lisa’s loo where she took Kim’s call next to the commode. Well, very close to that. So, $2500 to reserve that stage when they seemingly were touting the Roxy as the venue appears shady (to me) and up to crafty Bravo editing again unless Schwartz and Max wore the exact same outfit and gave the exact same high five at two different events.

    I could be totally wrong and if I am someone please correct me but The Viper room’s red paint and shoebox feel appear where it makes you feel like 50 people can look like 500 with the proper editing and camera angles. Though, when I was there I was watching a full band on the tiny stage and not 3 hussies lip singing over a recorded track.

    What I am saying is, I think they said they filmed at the Roxy (and maybe they did) but there was some Viper Room editing going on when Lisa, Ken and Max were the focus for about 30 seconds.

    This show is the meth addicted cousin of The Hills.

    Thanks for capping this hot mess Alejandra!

    Who wants in on what Jax has to confess to Stassinfection?

    I’ll give three options but chime in if you want to add to the mix. Let’s make this fun!

    Top three things Jax could be apologizing for:
    1. Lying about the stripper pregnancy and coming clean
    2. Contracting and STD from LL by having a threesome with LL & Scheena
    3. Stealing Stassi’s SSN for personal gain

    Anyone in?

  14. 14
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 8:27 pm

    @AmyOops- here is a slightly bitchy story for you…I was seeing this guy before I met my husband. We talked on the phone for months…Match.com…he was stationed in Hawaii and about to get out of the Army and move back home…Once he did we started actually dating. I was in school at the time while he was looking for a job. My teacher was preg and was having contractions so we went home. I called him to see if he wanted to do something… he said that he would call me back, being that he was in an interview with on of the local police departments….He never called back….finally on Valentines day I called him and told him to go fuck himself.. that was about 3 weeks later…My aunt told me I should go back on Match and see what else was out there…I did. Met my husband :) the next Valentines day…well a few days after hubbs and I had our big family wedding…pictures and all. So I decided to email my ex bf a wedding picture of myself and one of our flower girls. Whom happened to be my cousin, whom he had met. He emailed me back and said, “Wow, I guess I should have called you back cause this could have been us.”

    @Gypsy-Jax said that Stassi already knew about the Vegas stripper as in it happened when they first got together. but I am going to go out on a limb and guess A-LL is PG. 2-VD. 3- he had to put his dog to sleep. That is all I have for now..

  15. 15
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 8:42 pm

    Whoa @thisbuggs4u, I love a happy ending, so happy for ya! Yay for efn humanity!

    HA, I love your guesses. So, are you saying you think Jaxx was embellishing about how freaky LL was for TV?

    Don’t know about you all but, doing it in bathrooms anywhere is just asking for it.

    Buuuuut, the LA department of Water Works, aka Stassinfection could be crying over the fact that Jax got a job at Villa Blanca and won’t be at SUR anymore, LOL!

  16. 16
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 9:54 pm

    @Gypsy- LL is PG as in pregnant… :) and because she is preg they are getting married.
    Lol At Jax going to Sur

  17. 17
    Whatever
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 7:44 am

    Jax is going to confess he has been with men.

  18. 18
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted February 23, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    @thisbuggs4u: An ultimately happy ending that even included the douchey-no-call-dude being genuinely repentant! I wish my story had an ending like that. Actually I should just be just grateful I didn’t end up with the ass :-D

    @Whatever: Love it! You know, my gaydar does bleep a bit when Tom S. is around…but that could just be because he’s “model-y” looking.

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