Vanderpump Rules Recap: Twitch Jr. is Born

Vanderpump Rules

By Alejandra | Wednesday, February 6, 2013 | 1:45 pm | 15 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Vanderpump Rules

Scheana promises they’ll be ready, but giggles that the songs is just so hard to sing all the way through.  Then she asks if the mics can be autotuned.  Damn.

Thank God that’s over, let’s head to Sur and check out Tuesday!  Jax “charms” a pair of Brazilian ladies before heading back to the bar.  He’s cornered by Peter who, in his infinite professionalism, demands to know if Jax is indeed sleeping with another Sur server already.  Guess what!  He is!  It’s Laura-Leigh, the girl Scheana briefly introduced us to last week by pointing out the girl’s most recognizable feature.  Here’s a hint, it ain’t her good looks, brains or sparkling personality.

It’s her incredibly unfortunate voice. 

I have to say, I had a roommate in college who had a similar voice, and she was THE FUCKING DEVIL.  I’m not drawing any conclusions, but every time I meet a girl like that, I get the most intense feelings of dread and anger.  I’m going to reserve judgment on Laura-Leigh, but there’s one strike against her that I really can’t help.  And Lisa Warner, if you’re reading, I dipped your toothbrush in the toilet every night.  BECAUSE YOU DESERVED IT.

Peter says he knew who it was immediately because of body language.  Considering Jax and LL make out at the service well several times during that shift alone, let’s not go crazy with our opinions of Peter’s powers of perception.  Unfortunately, Peter isn’t the only one who knows about LL and Jax.  Stassi knows now, too, and who thinks that she’s going to have a reasonable and not totally hypocritical response to this situation?

Not me!

I’m so fucked!

Peter asks if LL is a rebound, and Jax stresses that she’s not, not at all.  Ears burning, LL twitches up and squeals about the two Brazilians Jax was talking to and asks if she needs to kick some ass.  Anyone else think she was only semi-kidding?  Holy crap, this girl has only been onscreen ten seconds, and I’m already getting “Fatal Attraction” vibes.  Strong.  Then, Jax hilariously says he was just speaking Spanish to them.  I don’t know why he would do that considering Brazilians speak Portuguese, but I’m guessing South American geography was never Jax’s strong suit. 

Dating psychos on the other hand…

After LL heads back to work, Jax asides to Peter that it’s the best sex he’s ever had, and I believe him 110%.  Again, I’ll refer you all to “Fatal Attraction.”

Crazies are always amazing in bed.  It’s not fair, but it’s true.

When Stassi arrives, Peter puts her in the lounge with all of her former friends/current haters, and she looks like she’s going to start crying.  Can’t say I blame her.  Can you imagine how it would feel to work at a place where everyone hated you and your significant other had just started dating a different coworker?

Can you imagine that at all, Stassi?

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About

Alejandra lives in Los Angeles and is an actor/writer/producer of opinions.  She loves the beach, but never goes, and hates reality stars, but follows them religiously.  In addition to TVGasm, you can read her writing at the online magazine DigN2It, or various fanfiction websites if you're industrious enough to find her.  If you're not industrious at all, a bottle of fine wine will always be an acceptable bribe.

15 Comments

  1. 1
    Holyterror
    Posted February 6, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    I just can’t get past the fact that Stassi was considered to be in any way 1) attractive 2) a desirable friend 3) a desirable employee in the first place.

    Why isn’t this woman living under a bridge and stealing cat food?

  2. 2
    Cherie Cherie
    Posted February 6, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    LOL @Holyterror! Cats wouldn’t put up with her bullshit. They’d slit her throat and bury her in a giant litter box.
    @Alejandra this was hilarious. I love the pictures of “stars” leading to Dr. Drew. Brilliant!

  3. 3
    Tiger
    Posted February 6, 2013 at 4:01 pm

    While maybe not pretty on the inside, Stassi is certainly attractive.

  4. 4
    Holyterror
    Posted February 6, 2013 at 4:39 pm

    @Tiger, You’re far more forgiving than I — and also seem to be deaf and blind.

  5. 5
    labowner
    Posted February 6, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    What really angers me is how Lisa keeps this bitch around and explains their behaviors.

    Jax, you’re fucking an addict with obvious trauma from her childhood.

    Pro-tip folks – when you hear grown women with a girl voice they have experienced some sort of tragedy/trauma and that part of their brain stops maturing. Thank you Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla for that knowledge.

    Get off your high horse Lisa – no they are not representing you or SUR unless she paid for the trip.

  6. 6
    SarahRita
    Posted February 6, 2013 at 9:15 pm

    Peter could be really hot is he shaved off that ridiculous molestache. Just my two cents for this episode.

  7. 7
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 6:45 am

    @Labowner, but since they are being filmed they are representing SUR. Yes no?

  8. 8
    MsMmm msmmm
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 7:40 am

    Even if they are ‘representing’ Sur, who cares? I really have no interest in the personal lives of servers in a restaurant. Good service is the only thing I care about and so should Lisa! All these fools would definitely be fired in the real world.

  9. 9
    labowner
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 9:02 am

    Classy if she felt so strongly about their behavior and how the misrepresented SUR, why didn’t she fire them? She can’t have it both ways.

  10. 10
    labowner
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 1:35 pm

    Classy that is a good question about who paid for the trip. Wasn’t one of the “K”s complaining about the cost of the trip?

  11. 11
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 2:18 pm

    To me it sounded like Stassi paid for the food and drinks..

    LL is way to messed up to be on film…Glad I am not the only one that couldn’t get past her baby voice.

    I can’t believe that I watch this show!!

  12. 12
    SurrealGirl
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    Once these kids clock out, they don’t represent Sur. They should be professional on the job but if they want to act like assholes on their own time, they are entitled. I love how Stassi tells Jax he needs to grow up. STASSI, AT LEAST JAX HAS A CAR AND DRIVES! WHY DON’T YOU GO TO DMV AND GET YOUR OWN LICENSE?! YOU TELL JAX HE HAS NO AMBITION, BUT YOU ARE A SERVER/MODEL TOO! YOU THINK YOU ARE SUCH A GREAT CATCH, BUT YOU NEED A BIG GIRL JOB TOO! Stassi reminds me of Maggie from Gallery Girls. She became hated by the \cool kids\ so she kissed Amy’s ass to gain an alliance. Stassi is doing the same shit with Shaena.
    I don’t understand why Lisa keeps her. She says Stassi was close with Pandora, but Pandora never struck me as a bitch like Stassi is. How could they be friends? Stassi drinks on the job, creates a hostile work environment, is over dramatic, and creates problems in general. She is a liability, not an asset. An ass, yes. An asset, no.

  13. 13
    PrincessButtercup
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 5:52 am

    @ holyterror – I agree about Stassi. She reminds me of a slightly better looking Chelsea Clinton. She has a good body, that’s it. I can’t get past the face. And with her sparkling personality it makes her look that much uglier to me.

  14. 14
    andsoIsay
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 7:18 am

    yes, I knew I’d seen Stassi before. Always in the middle of her parents Bill & Hilary. the resemblance is there, but Chelsea has the class that Stassi lacks

  15. 15
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 8:14 am

    I’m actually starting to, dare I say it, enjoy this show. I hate Jax/Stassi and this show has absolutely no rooting interest, but I’m into it for the pure soap aspect of it. We all know Jax/Stassi are going to wind up back together because that’s what all self-involved nitwits do, once they make the person they’re actually interested in jealous. I actually do feel kind of bad for rebound sex toy, Laura Leigh, and I hope that all of this doesn’t send her spiraling toward drug use again. Hopefully, she has her sponsor on speed dial. Or the phone number for the casting director of “Intervention.”

    Less Scheana’s on-stage gyrating, I was hoping we could see more of Tina and her performance. She seems cool, level-headed, awesome, and is actually attractive!

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