Vanderpump Rules Recap: What happens in Vegas…

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In LA, Sur is ludicrously understaffed because everyone’s in Vegas, so it’s up to the skills of Scheana, Tina and some chipmunk named Loralee to hold down the fort.  Scheana’s pissed at having this much responsibility when she doesn’t feel ready for it, and she blames Stassi for creating the situation.  If that’s not a damn waste of energy, I don’t know what is.   I hope she stops pouting before service or else she’s gonna have to blame Lisa for yelling at her and making her cry.  The blame game is a full-time job, Folks.   

In Vegas, if we didn’t need more foreshadowing that shit was going to hit the fan HARD, Katie, Kristen Stassi and Frank check in at the same time.  However, the hotel can’t find Katie’s reservation, so she and Katie are in danger of being forced to spend extra time with Frank.  Stassi offers them her room to get ready in, and they refuse right to Frank’s face.  It’s pretty lame.   If I were in Vegas, my priorities would be getting ready as quickly as possible so as to start drinking as quickly as possible.  Fuck whatever boring, nice guy was there making things awkward.  It seems to me at this point that the girls really just shouldn’t have gone if they’re not going to make a single effort to be nice to Frank.  But, once they get a room, they stop by Stassi’s to tell her that they’re going to stop being bitchy for the sake of her birthday, and it seems like the fences have been somewhat mended. 

But if you thought that was going to make for a fun night for Stassi, you were a silly, silly reader.  Another awkward moment at the hotel?  The guys showing up with Jax terrified of running into the girls.  They know if their surprise is knocked out early, Stassi’s night’ll be ruined before it begins, and that won’t be any fun.  Jax has already had flowers with the dumbest card ever delivered to Stassi’s room, and that’s already pissed her off, so the boys don’t want to blow their wad early. 

 Baby steps. 

In the boys’ room, Peter and Jax discuss the truth about what Frank is saying about Jax, and Jax manages to blow me away for .5 seconds when he admits that yes, he has gotten a girl pregnant in Vegas… but four years ago!  So it’s totally fine and he’s absolutely a stand-up guy.  He claims that Frank is setting him up (and it really looks that way), and Peter believes him.  Peter doesn’t interest me in the slightest, and his support of Jax isn’t going to make a difference to anyone, so that scene was kind of a waste of my time.  Next? 

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Also a waste of my time, the first leg of the party at Chippendales.  That dance group could use some new blood – one word?  Doughboys.  It is pretty funny watching the guys be completely embarrassed to be there, and it’s even funnier when some woman refuses to believe that Peter isn’t a stripper.  That’s what happens when you mix a ponytail, a goatee AND an unbuttoned shirt with no tie.  Also funny?  The woman’s horrible tan/burn line.  Don’t drink at pools, folks.  And if you do drink at pools while wearing a halter top bikini, maybe don’t pick a strapless dress to wear at night.  Stassi’s having the time of her life, and is totally unaware that that making out with Frank in front of everyone is making them nauseous.  Eh, it’s her birthday.  She can make out with whomever she wants at a Chippendale’s show.