The night goes so awry, that Frank takes a taxi home by himself, Jax does the same, and the rest of the assholes who used to be Stassi’s friends, take HER limo without her. Apparently Katie got her hair pulled and a drink spilled on her by Stassi, so she’s crying, and poor Stassi is left alone. I don’t like the girl, but damn – sucky birthday if I’ve ever seen one.
The next morning, Katie, Kristen and the two Toms process what’s happened, and Katie’s still crying about the Stassi hair-pulling and drink pouring. I think that Stassi might have been aiming for Tom Schwartz, but there’s no convincing Katie of that at this point. All four people blame Stassi for being crazy and fucking up their friend group, and take zero responsibility for allowing Jax to come and thus creating the entire situation. It’s pretty ridiculous. These people are not awesome. They do make me giggle for a minute when they make fun of Tom Sandoval for taking off his shirt and revealing that he’s got the body of a prepubescent little girl. That skinny little boy does remain slightly high in my estimation when he admits that he behaved like a douchebag the night before when he tried to fight Frank. He apologizes to everyone and then it’s time to check out what Stassi is doing for breakfast.
And thank goodness Stassi invited the B String, because it’s them and Peter that are the only ones who are willing to spend any time with Stassi after the previous night’s antics (Frand and Jax having rightly fled). If they only knew that they were invited as backups only. She’s such a nice girl. She’s really sweet to them now that she needs them, though, and spends a good 20 minutes gushing about how much they mean to her. She informs them all of how shitty her previous friends were, and when Kristen texts her that “they need to talk,” she takes a picture of herself with her new best friends and sends it to her old ones. Kristen is mortally offended, and Katie looks like she’s about to cry some more. See, Ladies? When someone’s shitty to everyone else but you, it’s only a matter of time before they aim your direction.
Back in LA, Lisa and Ken head to their pink screening room with a herd of rats someone has convinced them are dogs and watch Pandora’s wedding video. Thank goodness Katie calls and interrupts, and talks to Lisa about what happened at Stassi’s party. I don’t think I could have sat through another Panda Bear wedding. Besides, listening to Katie act this unprofessional is way more provocative. Katie has the gall to first vent to Lisa about what’s happened (I absolutely tell my bosses about my traumatic times in Vegas, because that is completely appropriate), and then asks if she can avoid being scheduled with Stassi. Lisa’s all, “No, dumbass, leave your shit at home. Also, either Jax or Frank will be fired. I can understand how that might seem hypocritical, but the show is called “Vanderpump Rules,” not “Skinny Bitches Whining to Get Their Way.” Who thinks the guy getting fired will be the one who’s not in any of the promotional material?