So this was boring, and by boring, I mean BOOOOOOOOORRRIIIINNGGGG. But that’s what happens when a show focuses on a couple that’s shallower than an empty bathtub and surrounds them with a bunch of people we’re expected to believe have nothing else to worry about besides their friends’ breakup. But let’s begin at the beginning, because I have to, NOT because it’s a very good place to start. Hey! Did you guys catch the AMAZING “The Sound of Music” gag at the Oscars? Surprise! I like musicals, and I’m still giggling.
A moment in my life during which Seth McFarlane and I made exactly the same face.
The gang’s all here, including Lisa, who’s not so much a participant, but a MAIT (Miss Andy In-Training). She doesn’t do a crap job, but there is only one Miss Andy (thank goodness) and shadowing him makes Lisa look like a wannabe.
It’s like she’s trying to steal his spirit. You can do better, Lisa!
Andy asks Lisa what it was like watching all the staff shenanigans that she usually doesn’t get to see, and in so many words, she says it sucked. Apparently it wasn’t fun remembering days when Stassi called off and realizing that most of the time it was because of some bullshit emotional meltdown. Fair. If my bosses knew that 99.999999% of my excuses (all of which are WAY more legitimate than “a breakup”) were foul lies designed to mask the fact that I have a really, REALLY difficult time leaving my house on time, they’d probably be… firing me.
But, Bravo insists that Stassi is more interesting than Lisa running a restaurant (jury’s out on that for me), so Andy asks Stassi how many people have to die before she becomes a princess. Hey, Miss Andy – don’t give the violent girl ideas. Then he reads out a bunch of her self-important quotes. Thanks, Andy, I totally forgot how awful Stassi was, and my faith in the basic goodness of humanity was on its way to being restored, but no longer! According to her, Stassi has always been totally full of herself, even as a child, and… nope, that’s it. She stops there. You heard it here first, Gasmii – once an asshole, always an asshole, and there’s no changing.
Speaking of assholes, apparently, two yahoos drove up all the way from San Diego (for those not in the know, that’s a long way for dinner) to visit Sur and taunt Stassi. JEEZ. The TIME on your hands! Listen, I’m not saying I’m above that, I’m not even saying I don’t have plans to do that this Friday, but I WILL say, I can fucking walk to Sur, pop in, and then go have a night that doesn’t revolve around someone I don’t know. We all might like to judge Stassi from the comfort of our couches, but that’s a long way from spending $100 on gas and hanging out with a bunch of Persians just to be nasty to someone you’ve never fucking met. I hope Stassi finds you, San Diego Weirdos, and rips you new assholes bigger than the one she ripped Laura-Leigh. Who am I kidding – you’d probably enjoy that.
You are clearly easily amused…