Hello and welcome to the third season of Walking Dead. I will be your recapper this year! I would like to begin by apologizing for two things. A) This is late because I had to get caught up on the show and then wound up having to drive to Austin and back in a matter of 24 hours. B) I’ve never recapped a scripted series before, so I hope I can be entertaining for you. I’m used to being rude and snarky about reality TV personalities. I rarely give two shits about a reality personality, but when I watch a (admittedly) scripted show, I tend to really care about the characters and cry when they die. Should I feel bad for caring more about what happens to Dexter Morgan than Snookie Polizzi?…Ah, probably not. I hope I can do this show justice.
We start the season with walker bloodshed as T-Dogg, Rick, and Carl burst into some house. Apparently, they’ve finally improved on their technology, as they now have silencers on the firearms. We’re several months out as everyone’s hair is much longer and Olive Oyl’s belly is huge. Life not on the farm clearly sucks it, because they’re reduced to eating canned dog food and owl. That devil spawn growing inside Olive is going to have quite an indifference to the taste of the food it is fed. I kinda’ wish my mom had eaten crap when she was pregnant with me. Maybe I wouldn’t be upping my jean size every month.
The new opening sequence is now without our dearly departed Shane. Aw, shucks. I’m sure some of you guys and gals are missing the stud, but he was evil and looked a lot like my brother, so I was not at all attracted to him. I’m very glad Rick shanked him, especially after I had to deal with the loss of my sweet Dale.
In loving memory – Dale (2010-2012)
It appears as though they’re constantly on the move, but somehow they’ve only managed to travel a quarter mile behind where we left off last season. Rick and Daryl stumble upon the prison that was clearly not too far behind them. So, they do the one thing that no one has ever done in real life – they break INTO the prison.
They try to take over the fenced prison yard by sending a few to draw the walkers over to one side while Rick and the others head up to the guard towers. When he sends them off, he speaks to poor Carol like a mentally impaired child. He tells her ever so gently to take her time and not waste bullets. She should spit in his face.
I call this “American Apocalypse Gothic”.
Everyone successfully sends perfectly aimed bullets into the walkers’ domes and they secure the most room they’ve had in a long time. While walking off to chat with Daryl, Carol cleverly tells him that her shoulder hurts from the shotgun kickback. He massages her and then she “teasingly” propositions him. I’m kinda’ with her. I mean, he IS a Boondock Saint, after all. That’s hot enough for me. Daryl feels emotions and does what he always does when that happens – he gets mad and takes off.