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Wednesday, September 26, 2012
11:20 pm
12 Comments
Tagged: britney spears, competition, demi lovato, fox, funny, hilarious, humor, la reid, PearlBlackDragon Recaps, pearlblackdragon tvgasm, reality, reality show, recap, recaps, simon cowell, snarky, summary, The X Factor Recaps, The X Factor USA, the x-factor, TV, tvgasm, X Factor 2, X Factor PearlBlackDragon, X Factor PearlBlackDragon Recap, X Factor Recap, X Factor Season 2, x factor usa
Well kids, this is the time of these series that I hate. We are STILL at auditions. The auditions are a rotten, dragged out process that only makes me angry at contestants as opposed to endear them to me. Seriously though, if anyone in the industry is listening…STOP with the endless auditions. Just do two nights, two hours each, give us some highlights, some horror shows and then get on with it. It is this dragged out crap that makes people lose interest and turn the channel. This is an ADD world and you better keep up.
Tonight, as it turns out, is perfect fuel for me as it is filled with bravado, delusion, and a little psychopathy. Fun for all.
Britney’s manager is as bored as I, and so he decides it would be fun to mess with the staff. Nice guy. Britney feign’d a half hearted nooooo but then joins right in. Their big prank? Make the kid get Britney a straw hat. WTF? Listen, I don’t condone fucking with the help but if you’re gonna do it GO BIG. Make the kid get you a pumpkin flavoured slurpee or something equally ridiculous. Step it up douche.
Then to show us all how it’s done. My boyfriend in my head, Simon Cowell, arrives at the auditions. Not in your average black car with driver. Oh no. Instead Simon has four motorcycle cops surround him as he drives himself to the auditions on a little moped/scooter. He makes me love him more every day.
The first audition of the night are Adonis and John. These two are hilarious in an, “I’m laughing at you not with you.” kind of way. They argue like two old ladies and act more gangster than any of the gangsters that they have seen in movies. It’s an unsettling combo. Adonis feels that they are as good as Michelangelo if he kept his works hidden in his basement. Or something like that. On stage we find out that they are boss/employee. Eek. If this goes bad, I have a feeling it will end up being boss/dude on the unemployment line. Well here goes nothing;
Adonis/John – Hello by Lionel Ritchie
There are few things I enjoy more in life than making fun of people. AND JACKPOT! It’s like if Scarface and 50 Cent sang a song together. With a porn thrown in for background noise. Uh. Yeah. Uh. I will be putting this on repeat for some time to come.
The judges think they are as hilarious as I do and after they finish laughing they give them four NO!’s.
Cut to LA saying,”Can it get any worse?” Why yes…yes it can. And off to our first montage of suck.
Once the suck abates a bit we get to meet 45 year old Dinah Jane Hansen. Who claims to be 15. I call bullshit. If she is 15 I am 28. And I am 29 so we KNOW she aint’ telling the truth. So anywho, Dinah claims to live in a house with 20 people. I would play suicide. There is no way this side of anything that would make me live in a house with that many people. If it was my only option I am sure that I would be happy in my box. I would decorate it and shit. Sorry I got off track by her horrifying story. Let’s listen in shall we;
12 Comments
PearlBlackDragon, I was in the audience for that session of taping in Providence, so I might give you a little insight here:
Yes, “OG” really was that hilariously bad. Demi and Simon kept mocking them for the rest of the show, and afterwards, the emcee said, “well…that just happened.” Ha! Oh, they were so bad, my mother and I couldn’t stop laughing and making fun of them (we still do!).
Dinah Jane actually didn’t start off singing “If I Were a Boy”–she sang something else first, Simon stopped her shortly into it and asked if she had anything else, and that’s what she went with. They let her do almost the entire song. Editing! I was pretty far back from the stage, so I couldn’t see her very close up, but yes, she looks way older than “15″.
Changyi Li was HILARIOUS. Oh man, Demi was nearly peeing herself with laughter. After awhile, Simon just said, “what the hell” and let her do the entire song. I’ll agree, best audition ever. Again, edited for time, but he really did say the bit about her being cast as the iceberg in a remake of Titanic, which was awesome. Love you, Simon!
I’m not sure if they showed the group of 3 who made it in the montage, as I was at drama club rehearsal, but if not, I’m sure we’ll see them at boot camp.
I agree with you on just about everything. Tired of babies declaring their ”whole lives ” have been spent dreaming of this one chance. Yuk! And Gene Simmons isn’t a great singer.He has a gimmick. Now he has money. That doesn’t translate into a voice for the daughter. She was -bad-really bad. Tara was better-but her attitude made her bad news.Universally,the auditioners that get ahead are polite, humble, and endearingingly sincere. They have personalities, not just funny hair or odd hats or famous dads. I have to watch Dinah again.
I thought she had something odd about her but I thought it was perhaps,backwoods dentistry.
Really thought the judges yes-ed too many people-and calling them stars? Criminal.
I agree too, they must have a diaper vendor truck in the parking lot at these things!!!
@Meaghan, we’re you there to try out, and did you?
I was home late, after a night out, so I didn’t really focus much on this running in the background. No one knocked me out.
Looks like the kiddies have a tough cookie to crack . . . unless they get lumped into lammo vocal groups . . . sigh . . . like how well the kid who was back did. I will say, he was rather adorable, cute dimples, and his song was well done, very modern, moved the right way, seemed simple enough, and he sang it ok. Not bad for an audition with an original.
I want to write, “If I Was a Girl”, just so all my friends can say, “You mean you’re not!?”
No one has been as good as some of the kiddies from last week . . . I do kinda like boot camp. Last time, at judges houses, everything screamed sleaze to me . . . so we’ll see if this goes any better.
I would have told Changy Li to try comedy. She was reminding me of Judy Tenuta a bit . . .
I always wonder what the children of people like Mr. and Mrs. Simmons think, as they watch their parents slowly transform into freaks of plastic surgery?
I agree these auditions shows are awful. And incredibly drawn out. It would make a lot more sense to just focus on the people who make it to boot camp, show their auditions and leave it at that. Kind of like the Voice does. But I don’t think the Voice has auditions?
Parts of these shows move rather fast, IMHO, and I do think the soundtrack running in the background through most of it, is usually upbeat and modern. LA must get rights to songs much more easily or something.
@Itchy, agreed! Dr. 90210 should hang his head in shame!!! (not sure it was him) Gene was never much to look at without the make up, but she was gorgeous back in the day, there is like no remnant of her former self left in that face . . . sadly . . .
Wow, I was going to paste a link to a google search . . . but that Shannon was one drrrty grrl!!! Definitely NSFW, hee.
Shannon Tweed looks scary scary scary.
@juddfan , I was in the live audience. I’m a terrible singer; that’s why I’m a crew member for drama club!
I love Trevor’s YouTube videos. He does all of these dance videos at the Apple Store. Well, I loved them when I first watched them. After a couple, it gets old. I’ve never heard him sing, though. If I had as many subscribers as Trevor, I would be taking advantage of that. But he just posts dance videos.
Right, so it’s up to me to ask all the REAL questions? Like, it’s obvious where Ms. Kiss Jr. inherited her rack from. But did she get papa’s tongue?
Talk about X-factors!
Hey! Where are the latest recaps! We are missing three of them now! Please return! I miss you so
I’m hoping for more recaps too. I hope you haven’t decided to abandon ship. The Kardashian news was a low blow but carry on! YOU CAN DO EET!
On Audition 4 recaps: “OH! And PBD, I’ve been meaning to compliment you on your quick recapping skills. LOVE IT!”
I feel like I cursed it.
Hope everything is okay, PBD, but we miss you and your recaps terribly! 
It kinda feels like not worth watching a television show if there’s no recaps to go along with it.
Hell, who am I kidding? I love watching this garbage!