It’s Wednesday night and you know what that means. None of you are watching the X Factor. It’s all about the Big Brother Finale. Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!
Simon is very ill tonight so sitting in his place is Louie Walsh. Louie hails from Ireland and he is an on again/off again judge for the UK X Factor. Louie is a nice guy with a penchant for putting through novelty acts. Acts like Jedward.
I have no hope for the talent with him being here.
Our first meeting of the evening comes in the guise of a young lady. Her name is CeCe Frey. Why the face tattoo Mike Tyson? Dear lord that leopard thing on the side of her face is awful. But that fucking tattoo is outdone by her attitude. She is seeking out other contestants and trying to psych them out by being a See You Next Tuesday. I hope she sucks dirty balls. But we have to wait before she auditions, mainly so they can show us what a douche bag she is.
First onstage is the whitest white rapper I have ever seen in my whole life. His name is Rizzloe Jones. Rizzloe claims to be a *positive* freestyle rapper. No smackin’ a bitch up here. The judges ask him if he has the X Factor. He says, “Ever since I learned the alphabet. Once I learned the word X.” Yay education! Rizzloe doesn’t have a song prepared, instead he is going to freestyle rap based on the word X Factor.
Rizzloe Jones – Freestyle Rap
I fucking hate this. I really hate originals sang in auditions but even more so this dumb assed “freestyle” thing he has going on. I couldn’t understand a damned word this kid said. The young ‘uns in the audience seem to like it sooooo…GET OFF MY LAWN. Phew. I feel better. The judges just love him but I have to question how far he will really go. I mean how do you freestyle Country Night? Meh. He can leave now. But the judges give him four YAY!’s so I guess we get to watch him crash and burn at bootcamp.
Together we get to watch a few more minutes of the wonder that is CeCe. She is our cocky girl of the day. I wanna listen to her but I keep getting distracted by that shit on her face. At least when she gets old it will blend in with her age spots. Man I dislike her.
CeCe gets up onstage and informs the judges that it is not a tattoo but just paint. EVEN WORSE! It looks like hell. Why would someone not tell her how terrible it looks. And doesn’t she own a mirror? Gimme her number. I’ll help a bitch out if for nothing more than to laugh hysterically as I tell her how awful she looks. Oh I hope she sucks.
CeCe Frey – Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers/Ain’t No Other Man by Xtina