X Factor Recap: It’s Contagious Y’all! (Auditions 3)

X Factor

By PearlBlackDragon | Thursday, September 20, 2012 | 12:04 am | 9 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, X Factor

Dear Rob. Here we go with another girl who wants to be a “triple threat”. She can sing, dance, and act. Her biggest goal is to be famous. Me too. But mainly because I want a Maybach and some Poolboys. You can keep everything else.

Ally Brooke – On My Knees by Jaci Velasquez

 

Hmmm. Very “Glee”/Broadway. Good but not popstar. Oh fuck my life. She kept going after the music stopped so that she could keep throwing long notes and runs at us. Blech. Apparently she annoyed Simon as much as us because he asked her to shut up and listen. I am even more annoyed when she gets four YAY!’s. My bet is that she is out on the first round of boot camp for pulling some dumb stunt like this.

The producers throw a curveball at us and give us a montage of not suck. They show us a bunch of people who get YAY!’s. My guess is that not one of them have a good personality or back story and that they are just filler. Carry on. Oh hold on! I like the sisters with the killer harmonies. Will we see them later on? I hope!

I am actually quite in like with our next auditioner.  Her name is Panda Ross. Panda. Her name is Panda. LOVE. Panda, who was born in jail, got her name because her mom’s cellmate was a white lady. Panda was the “cute” name they came up with to represent their cell. LMFAO. I couldn’t make shit up this good! Panda is a big ol’ girl who loves Simon almost as much as I do. She calls him her “baby daddy”. When she gets on stage she lets him know that she is S-I-N-G-L-E. Personally, I don’t understand it, but she doesn’t weird me out. She is fun. I would party with her.  Panda ALSO just busted herself out of the hospital as she has pneumonia. She isn’t missing this chance for the world. This is the most interesting human ever.

Panda Ross – Bring It On Home by Sam Cooke

 

Damn. Panda has herself a great ol’ gospel voice. I actually wanna put this song on my iPod. Lovin’ her to death! It is no surprise that the judges love her and give her four YAY!’s. But wait. Before we get too excited, Panda is having breathing problems and is carted off by an ambulance. Dammit. I sure hope she gets better.  I actually want to see her go through this competition.
On a side note, Simon is completely freaked out when he finds out that Panda was sent to the hospital. You see, Demi hugged Panda backstage. Panda has pneumonia. Pneumonia is contagious. Demi now has the plague. Simon keeps telling everyone, “Demi’s infectious. I need hand sanitizer.” LOL.  Even when she isn’t around Ms. Panda creates fun!

Last up for the night is our sob story, Jessica Espinoza. Jessica is from a poor family from the South Side of San Antonio. She used to sing for tips with holes in her clothes. I know I sound awful but enough. A good majority of the people through these lines are not so well off looking for a better life. I am getting tired of the same old story.  Maybe that’s why I like Panda. She didn’t harp on her back story. She just told it and charmed us out of it. Jessica of course starts to cry and tells us how much this means. It means a lot to everyone who makes an actual effort at these things hon. Shush and work it. I would like you better that way. Anywho…

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I live in the wonderful land of Canadia.

I am the warden of a teen and not teen.

In my spare time I like wine, TV, and wine.

Sometimes I like stuff but mostly I like things.

I am loud mouthed and am not afraid to show my true colours.  What you see is what you get.  Unless you add wine.  Then you get more.

In a perfect world I would rule it. And you would all bring me dirty rock stars.  It would be a good life for all even though I wouldn't reward you.  Your reward would be knowing I'm happy. Also, bring wine.  I would like that. Don't be sad. If stuff wasn't all about me it would be all about the Kardashians. Lesser of two evils. Well, more tolerable of two evils. OK well, I at least would encourage drinking. JEEZ QUIT BEING SO NEEDY AND GET OFF MY BACK. I would let you use my air. There. Happy? Now leave me alone.

9 Comments

  1. 1
    Whatsername
    Posted September 20, 2012 at 3:52 am

    Jedward are one of the ‘few’ X-factor acts still standing. Most of the others have all been dropped. The only 2 more popular are Leona Lewis and JLS. So even if you think they have no talent, others say different. 3 albums later they are still going strong, they have even represented Ireland in the Eurovision Song contest not once, but twice – how many other acts can put that in their CV’s???

    X-factor may have originally portrayed them as a ‘novelty act’, but I think the last laugh is on Jedward, don’t you??? I think it is safe to say that they must have the highest earnings of any X-factor contestant that didn’t actually win.

    Louis Walsh has founded/managed many successful bands, including Boyzone and Westlife, so I don’t think it is fair to say he can’t spot talent…………… {and you could have checked how to spell his name also}

  2. 2
    firstandlast
    Posted September 20, 2012 at 8:24 am

    @Whatsername
    I don’t see where PBD says that Louie/Louis can’t spot talent. She says that Louie/Louis has a penchant for putting through novelty acts. Big difference.
    Also, a lot of people don’t even know who JLS are. Or Jedward. An “act” isn’t really successful until they have gained worldwide attention.
    I know who One Direction is. I know who Leona Lewis is. I know who Cher Lloyd is. I even know who Matt Cardle is. They were all on the Xfactor.
    Also, if you have read PBD’s other recaps you would know that she actually likes Louis/Louie. She likes the UK X Factor better than the American.
    You should drink coffee and entire recaps before you spew. Anger/obsession just jumps out of your comment.
    Good Morning!

    PBD love you, love your recaps! I am watching this show a little bit because of your recaps! Keep it up!

  3. 3
    Juliet
    Posted September 20, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Jedward were just 17 and had never held a microphone before when they auditioned for the XFactor three years ago, Xfactor decided to portray them as a novelty act, but still they accuminlated a huge fan base, through their humour, positive attitude and basically raw talent,
    This is what Louis saw in them also, now three years on, the twins are still going strong, they have two double patnium albums behind them, and new album, Young Love, charting all over the world, as well as numerous number one singles accross Europe and Asia, they have fans all over the world, including the USA, and sell out concerts everywhere
    They also have three TV shows they present in The UK and Ireland ..and guest often on many more
    They are both multimillionaires, have represented their country twice in Eurovison, performed for and met Barak Obama ..and were this year chosen the run with the Olympic torch through Ireland.. Not bad for two boys with a dream, who took a chance :)

    BTW if you question their talent, maybe you need to see this
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxZCGqcssnM&feature=plcp

    Not baf

  4. 4
    Flipit Flipit
    Posted September 20, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    I just have to say I LOVE JEDWARD!! I saw them on the UK version of Celeb Big Brother and they were hysterical. That is all. Thank you. (bows).
    Great cappy PBD!!

  5. 5
    PearlBlackDragon PearlBlackDragon
    Posted September 20, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    LMAO! Two people demanding respect for Jedward, two members in Jedward. Coincidence? I think

  6. 6
    sandsweeper
    Posted September 20, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    I am so glad you are posting these videos! I’m not able to watch the show live, and it’s not on Hulu. So this recap lets me feel like I actually got to watch the show. Please continue posting videos! And I love the recaps!

  7. 7
    PearlBlackDragon PearlBlackDragon
    Posted September 20, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    Not. I think not.

    Hahahaha

  8. 8
    Whatsername
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 5:11 am

    @firstandlast
    I took it to mean he can’t spot talent :-

    “Louie is a nice guy with a penchant for putting through novelty acts. Acts like Jedward.
    I have no hope for the talent with him being here. ”

    If you take it to mean something else, that’s fine.

    And Jedward have gained worldwide attention, but possibly not from your country (yet).

  9. 9
    Holyterror
    Posted September 23, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    I want CeCe to put a plastic bag over her head and go play in traffic. I can’t believe she got through. The outfit alone should’ve gotten her the hook. God Almighty, what a no-talent bitch.

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