Dear Rob. Here we go with another girl who wants to be a “triple threat”. She can sing, dance, and act. Her biggest goal is to be famous. Me too. But mainly because I want a Maybach and some Poolboys. You can keep everything else.
Ally Brooke – On My Knees by Jaci Velasquez
Hmmm. Very “Glee”/Broadway. Good but not popstar. Oh fuck my life. She kept going after the music stopped so that she could keep throwing long notes and runs at us. Blech. Apparently she annoyed Simon as much as us because he asked her to shut up and listen. I am even more annoyed when she gets four YAY!’s. My bet is that she is out on the first round of boot camp for pulling some dumb stunt like this.
The producers throw a curveball at us and give us a montage of not suck. They show us a bunch of people who get YAY!’s. My guess is that not one of them have a good personality or back story and that they are just filler. Carry on. Oh hold on! I like the sisters with the killer harmonies. Will we see them later on? I hope!
I am actually quite in like with our next auditioner. Her name is Panda Ross. Panda. Her name is Panda. LOVE. Panda, who was born in jail, got her name because her mom’s cellmate was a white lady. Panda was the “cute” name they came up with to represent their cell. LMFAO. I couldn’t make shit up this good! Panda is a big ol’ girl who loves Simon almost as much as I do. She calls him her “baby daddy”. When she gets on stage she lets him know that she is S-I-N-G-L-E. Personally, I don’t understand it, but she doesn’t weird me out. She is fun. I would party with her. Panda ALSO just busted herself out of the hospital as she has pneumonia. She isn’t missing this chance for the world. This is the most interesting human ever.
Panda Ross – Bring It On Home by Sam Cooke
Damn. Panda has herself a great ol’ gospel voice. I actually wanna put this song on my iPod. Lovin’ her to death! It is no surprise that the judges love her and give her four YAY!’s. But wait. Before we get too excited, Panda is having breathing problems and is carted off by an ambulance. Dammit. I sure hope she gets better. I actually want to see her go through this competition.
On a side note, Simon is completely freaked out when he finds out that Panda was sent to the hospital. You see, Demi hugged Panda backstage. Panda has pneumonia. Pneumonia is contagious. Demi now has the plague. Simon keeps telling everyone, “Demi’s infectious. I need hand sanitizer.” LOL. Even when she isn’t around Ms. Panda creates fun!
Last up for the night is our sob story, Jessica Espinoza. Jessica is from a poor family from the South Side of San Antonio. She used to sing for tips with holes in her clothes. I know I sound awful but enough. A good majority of the people through these lines are not so well off looking for a better life. I am getting tired of the same old story. Maybe that’s why I like Panda. She didn’t harp on her back story. She just told it and charmed us out of it. Jessica of course starts to cry and tells us how much this means. It means a lot to everyone who makes an actual effort at these things hon. Shush and work it. I would like you better that way. Anywho…