Her voice is horrible! It’s flat and all one note. Plus she does the pseudo sexy sway thing. I want her off my precious TV now. Britney and Demi both slam her with Brit telling her that she only has one tone and is really boring, while Demi tells her that she is not really likeable. HA! Cats be at the judges table tonight! Simon tells her that he likes her attitude but that most people won’t. So they vote. Simon in a bid for a “date” votes yes, but both girls say NO! so out the door she goes.
Time for a montage of suck! But this one is what the judges call hot with no ability. They are all good looking but with the talent of my wine glass. Wait no! My wine glass has talent! It does wonderful things for me so I apologise to my wine glass and instead compare them to well, nothing. Everything that I try to compare them to has some kind of useful talent. Even my dust bunnies. They tumble along the floor playfully while I watch and name them. So this montage is just filled with Hot Nots.
We are in San Francisco and we meet our next auditioner Jason Brock. Jason looks like Adam Lambert ate Adam Lambert. And OHMYGOODNESS does he LOVE himself! Now normally I hate the people that love themselves but this guy is totally self-aware. He loves himself like I love me and I can’t fault him for that. Carry on fine sir! So Jason gets on stage and regales us with the stage show that he will put on once he is famous. Now I am worried. Let’s watch together…
Jason Brock – Empire State of Mind by Billy Joel
OMG it just hit me! He didn’t eat Adam Lambert…Liza Minnelli had a sex change! Seriously! Just watch the video again! It’s a Liza show! BUT he sang SO WELL! I kinda like this guy. And the judges like him too. Demi says it best when she says, “You sparkle and ooze joy.”
Four YAY!’s and Liza/Jason is through.
Again tonight they give us an uncomfortable Britney/fan/holy this dude is scary moment. We meet Patrick Ford who LOVES Britney. In fact he thinks that she might be his sister. “Don’t you think we look alike? I mean, if I put on a long blonde wig. Which I wouldn’t because that would be creepy.” Phew. Thank Jeebus he caught himself before it became creepy…
Patrick Ford – Circus by Britney Spears
Holy shit. This kid has more bats in his belfry than a Pride parade has glitter. I like me some weird people but he gives me the heeby jeebies. Thankfully they get him offstage without security and a tranquilizer gun.
Finally we come to the end of tonight and we meet another youngster. Thirteen year old Carly Rose. Carly loves singing but she doesn’t harp on and on about it as much as she cowers with her parents and talks about how nervous she is. I have good feelings about her due only to her lack of ego. I guess we need a young girl to sing cutesy songs too…