Welcome to the X Factor. I’ll be your hostess PearlBlackDragon. Please put your trays in an upright position and chug your drinks as we’ll be taking off in a moment. Your exits are located here, here, and here. It doesn’t really matter that you can’t see where I’m pointing because they are all sealed and there is no hope for escape. If I have to go down with the ship then I am taking ya’ll with me. Let’s begin shall we?
First off I have to tell you that I LOVE the X Factor. The British version. LOVE it. The judges are harsher and the cast offs are better than last year’s US winner. Sorry. It’s true. Don’t get me wrong there are some train wrecks but they don’t focus on them as much as they do here. But I have faith. I love Simon Cowell and with the judge table re-work there is hope for this season. Plus both Britney Spears and Demi Lovato have had mental breakdowns making the potential for crazy go up exponentially. YAY! LA Reid is back of course but maybe the girls will give him the kick in the pants that’s needed for a good panel this year. Let’s cross our fingers and start!!
We start in Austin Texas where we see the judges talking about how excited they are for this season and how they just KNOW that they are going to find a superstar. Then we get a glimpse of past X Factor superstars – Leona Lewis, Cher Lloyd, and One Direction. All from the UK. LOL. Always the bridesmaid US.
First off we meet Paige Thomas. The obligatory single mom. She is cute as hell though and so is her little girl. Paige tells us that she most sees herself as a Britney Spears type because Britney is a hot mom and she is too. Chasing the dream for us all Paige. We also get to meet Kaci Newton. This little debutante thinks she is the best thing since sliced bread and she can’t wait for us all to see how absolutely talented she is.
I love when people know how super talented they are. Because it usually means that they are delusional. I enjoy watching reality smack them in the face. But we’ll see maybe she’ll prove me wrong. Kaci decides that she needs to make fun of Paige’s pantyhose as they have a giant runner. Then sweet as pie she goes to Paige’s face and asks to share the mirror Paige is using. Paige’s daughter in all of her awesomeness gets some crap on Kaci’s pants causing a minor melt down in Kaci’s sister who asks the camera guy, “Umm, can ya’ll do something about this. Some soda water, a hand dryer, or a baby wipe?” Happily he does nothing causing the focus to shift from Kaci’s awesome to how HORRIBLE the less than 1/2 inch spot on Kaci’s pant suit (YUP – pant suit) is.
Finally we get to the stage. And first up is Paige. (This year I am going to do something a little different and I am going to post the YouTube video’s of the auditions and performances so that you can
suffer enjoy them along with me.)