X Factor Season 2 Recap: It’s Britney Bitch (Round 1 Auditions)

X Factor

By PearlBlackDragon | Thursday, September 13, 2012 | 12:01 am | 10 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, X Factor

Welcome to the X Factor.  I’ll be your hostess PearlBlackDragon.  Please put your trays in an upright position and chug your drinks as we’ll be taking off in a moment. Your exits are located here, here, and here.  It doesn’t really matter that you can’t see where I’m pointing because they are all sealed and there is no hope for escape.  If I have to go down with the ship then I am taking ya’ll with me. Let’s begin shall we?

First off I have to tell you that I LOVE the X Factor.  The British version. LOVE it.  The judges are harsher and the cast offs are better than last year’s US winner.  Sorry.  It’s true. Don’t get me wrong there are some train wrecks but they don’t focus on them as much as they do here.  But I have faith.  I love Simon Cowell and with the judge table re-work there is hope for this season.  Plus both Britney Spears and Demi Lovato have had mental breakdowns making the potential for crazy go up exponentially. YAY! LA Reid is back of course but maybe the girls will give him the kick in the pants that’s needed for a good panel this year. Let’s cross our fingers and start!!

We start in Austin Texas where we see the judges talking about how excited they are for this season and how they just KNOW that they are going to find a superstar.  Then we get a glimpse of past X Factor superstars – Leona Lewis, Cher Lloyd, and One Direction.  All from the UK.  LOL.  Always the bridesmaid US.  

First off we meet Paige Thomas.  The obligatory single mom. She is cute as hell though and so is her little girl.  Paige tells us that she most sees herself as a Britney Spears type because Britney is a hot mom and she is too.  Chasing the dream for us all Paige.  We also get to meet Kaci Newton. This little debutante thinks she is the best thing since sliced bread and she can’t wait for us all to see how absolutely talented she is.

I love when people know how super talented they are.  Because it usually means that they are delusional.  I enjoy watching reality smack them in the face.  But we’ll see maybe she’ll prove me wrong. Kaci decides that she needs to make fun of Paige’s pantyhose as they have a giant runner.  Then sweet as pie she goes to Paige’s face and asks to share the mirror Paige is using. Paige’s daughter in all of her awesomeness gets some crap on Kaci’s pants causing a minor melt down in Kaci’s sister who asks the camera guy, “Umm, can ya’ll do something about this. Some soda water, a hand dryer, or a baby wipe?” Happily he does nothing causing the focus to shift from Kaci’s awesome to how HORRIBLE the less than 1/2 inch spot on Kaci’s pant suit (YUP – pant suit) is.
Finally we get to the stage. And first up is Paige.  (This year I am going to do something a little different and I am going to post the YouTube video’s of the auditions and performances so that you can suffer enjoy them along with me.)

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I live in the wonderful land of Canadia.

I am the warden of a teen and not teen.

In my spare time I like wine, TV, and wine.

Sometimes I like stuff but mostly I like things.

I am loud mouthed and am not afraid to show my true colours.  What you see is what you get.  Unless you add wine.  Then you get more.

In a perfect world I would rule it. And you would all bring me dirty rock stars.  It would be a good life for all even though I wouldn't reward you.  Your reward would be knowing I'm happy. Also, bring wine.  I would like that. Don't be sad. If stuff wasn't all about me it would be all about the Kardashians. Lesser of two evils. Well, more tolerable of two evils. OK well, I at least would encourage drinking. JEEZ QUIT BEING SO NEEDY AND GET OFF MY BACK. I would let you use my air. There. Happy? Now leave me alone.

10 Comments

  1. 1
    itchy itchy
    Posted September 13, 2012 at 12:48 am

    Ugh. Since I can’t stomach TWO bad singing contest shows in one season, I decided I’ll watch the first one to get its recap. So X-factor it is.

    I’m not bitter about it. I kind of like the Simon Cowell character, his queeniness was the best part of Idol after all. And the Voice is, let’s face it, irrelevant.

  2. 2
    ConfusedinCanada
    Posted September 13, 2012 at 7:07 am

    Let’s face it there are 3 bad singing contests, X-factor, American Idol and The Voice…all are on for reality tv appeal and not really to help the singers.

  3. 3
    Toad
    Posted September 13, 2012 at 7:14 am

    The editing reminded me of the Hills or something lol

    Otherwise I <3 Xfactor and the new judges.

    The rocker girl was my absolute favorite of the night.

    Great recap!!!

  4. 4
    Gerrit Verstoep
    Posted September 13, 2012 at 8:49 am

    Loved your recap. Look forward to spending the season with you.

    @ConfusedInCanada (and who isn’t?) You’re probably right about these shows not wanting to help the singers. And I suppose Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Leona Lewis, JLS, One Direction and Adam Lambert just popped out like an undetected pregnancy in a junior high school locker room -hmmmm.

  5. 5
    keebler elf
    Posted September 13, 2012 at 10:30 am

    i loved britney but i dont really like demi as a judge, sounded like she was judging a beauty pageant most of the night telling people they were beautiful, cute, or adorable

  6. 6
    See-Jay
    Posted September 13, 2012 at 10:48 am

    I’m not sure why The Voice gets slammed so much around here. It’s miles above Idol or The X-Factor in terms of talent and the judges have the best chemistry out of any panel. The format of the show leaves a lot to be desired but overall I enjoy it significantly more than any other singing competition on TV.

    I found the X-Factor premiere to be pretty offensive, overall. The glorification of the judges was to be expected, but the blatant scripted drama and the exploitation of tortured souls (Don Phillips) was simply nauseating. On top of that, even the “good” auditions weren’t anything to write home about. The last audition with the “bullied” girl (that word gets thrown around too often nowadays and it’s nearly lost all meaning) was ridiculously melodramatic and dragged out for far too long.

    Side note: Demi Lovato went to my town’s high school and the general consensus from students who knew her was that she had a bitchy, superiority-complex which was why nobody liked her. Being unpopular for having a terrible personality does not translate to “I was bullied.”

  7. 7
    itchy itchy
    Posted September 13, 2012 at 11:10 am

    I don’t like The Voice for a couple of reasons. The first being that it’s whole concept — that people are chosen based on their voice alone — is bullshit. That takes up an entire five minutes of the season. From there on in, it’s pretty much the same popularity contest as AI or X Factor.

    It’s also completely unrealistic to pretend that some 40-year-old schlub has a chance at any kind of professional career.

    Which leads me to the Voice’s penchant for stocking its fishpond with ringers — nearly all of the people they feature seem to be professional singers of one form or another. I understand why they do this — the more seasoned types handles the pressure better and put on a better show. But it completely eliminates the whole fantasy of some unknown being picked out of nowhere to achieve fame and fortune.

    Which is really the only reason to watch these shows, isn’t it?

    But perhaps the worst part of the Voice are the judges — their schtick was cute the first season. It got tiring really really quickly the second season. The only real interest the second season was wondering if and when Xtina’s chest would finally explode.

  8. 8
    juddfan
    Posted September 13, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    I was so curious about Brit, I had to tune in. This show made me ill last time around, not sure it will be better this time, but I did find Ms. Spears refreshing with her leathery looking skin. Even Simon was in awe . . . Demi had one good line, “everyone is going to love your new look” to Simon in a really ill-fitting white tee.

    I wish someone told the first girl, Mary J is not your jam . . . her voice is much more suited to pop with less range, but I found her adorable, and I liked the stockings. Her daughter was so funny how she looked on in awe, can’t imagine the impression it made on a three year old.

    LA is still a pig, sorry, but he is . . . there’s something really sleezy about him and this show.

    I was glad the grrrls were there to push through the drag queen bride, it was funny, and you can tell their youngness makes them more hip to something like that. LA and Simon would have never put him through otherwise.

    I’ll give it a chance tho, I can’t with the voice . . . just have no interest . . . I’m curious to see which judge will get which group, the ones with Demi wont have a chance, sorry kid, but you’re just too young. They’ll probably give her the over 30′s . . . sigh . . .

    How odd that there hasn’t been a whisper about the 5 million dollar winner Leona clone from last year–I heard she was in pop star school, whatever (cough)diet(cough) that is . . .

    look forward to more caps, PBD!

  9. 9
    PearlBlackDragon PearlBlackDragon
    Posted September 13, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    Thanks All! Glad to have you all stuck in the cabin watching this with me. Don’t worry. If this plane/show starts going crashing and burning I will save myself. But I promise to write really nice eulogies for all of you. I might even write stuff I mean.
    Here’s to hoping for a great season!

  10. 10
    JELLIEPAIR
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Im surprised there isnt more talk about what a train wreck britney is – she looks at least 40, her hair looked terrible, her eyes look crazy, she was eating m-&-m’s during the show while she was talking and made faces throughout the entire show. i am not complaining though – so much better than nicole and paula although paula was always amusing. That whole scene with her former duet partner was painful for everyone. He looks like he might be wearing a britney mask and skin in some basement

    I wonder if Simon will get the girls again this year as Britney would be the logical choice. Let simon have the groups…he seems to have the touch with them. What Demi Lovato can teach is anyones guess. Perhaps eyebrow drawing 101. LA Reid is creepy and reminds me of the butler on different strokes…- and if we get another astro this year I wont be surprised as LA thinks thats what america is looking for.

    Why do they bother allowing over 30′s anyway – its not like they will give them the prize. And

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