After a squirm in your chair, full lip kiss your grandma, uncomfortable, stage reunion with Brit, Don sings. He chooses Halo by Beyonce. And OH NO. It is awful. He is stretching his voice and straining with every note. Not a good scene. The judges look completely distressed at what they know is about to happen.
Simon tells him that he doesn’t have a singing voice, so Don looks pleadingly at Britney and says, “Britney?”
She looks devastated as she tells him that his voice isn’t up to the bar that they are looking for on the X Factor.
Don leaves the stage and crumbles saying,”I’m so sorry Britney.” over and over.
Poor Britney. That tore her up.
We take a much needed commercial break and I refill. That was hard to watch.
Just when we all want to curl up with a smoke, a bottle of whisky and a picture of our lost childhoods we meet a little ray of sun.
Jannel Garcia. Jannel likes old rock like Pat Benatar. FUCK OFF KID. I AM NOT OLD ENOUGH FOR MY BELOVED PAT BENATAR TO BE OLD ROCK. Sorry. I had a moment. Any who, I appreciate her humour but can wait to hear whatever bubblegum pop she will be singing. And then she goes and makes me like her. Dammit!
Jannel Garcia – Paris (Ooh La La) by Grace Potter and the Nocternals (FYI love this fucking song)
Diggin’ the fuck outta this kid! She growls, she plays with her sexuality, she holds a note. Finally a good rocker chick on one of these shows. You don’t have to pretend to be a boy to be a rocker chick and this little one knows that. Bravo!! She gets a resounding four YAY!’s and I can’t wait to see what’s up next with her.
Our last audition of the night is a girl named Jillian Jensen. Jillian loves music because it was the only place she had to escape from the horrible bullying that she put up with through middle and high school. I want to write something funny and non afterschool specially here but I can’t. Bullies suck. I was bullied brutally also. And it fucks you up. But some of us find a way out and embrace what the bullies taught us. I thank my bullies every day. They made me the awesome, tough bitch, who has the balls to go toe to toe with anything I see as unjust, that I am today. And I like that about me. I’m not sure that I would be half as successful or awesome as I am now without them. Thanks fucking douchebags! I win. And I hope with everything in me that this little girl kicks fucking ass too.
As it turns out the lovely Miss Demi Lovato was also bullied. Instantly she and Jillian bond. And then Jillian sings…