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Thursday, September 13, 2012
12:01 am
10 Comments
Tagged: britney spears, demi lovato, fox, funny, hilarious, humor, la reid, pearlblackdragon, PearlBlackDragon Recaps, pearlblackdragon tvgasm, reality, reality show, recap, recaps, sarcastic, simon cowell, spoof, The X Factor Recaps, The X Factor Season 2, The X Factor USA, TV, tvgasm, X Factor 2, X Factor Recap, X Factor Recaps, X Factor Season 2, x-factor, XFactor
After a squirm in your chair, full lip kiss your grandma, uncomfortable, stage reunion with Brit, Don sings. He chooses Halo by Beyonce. And OH NO. It is awful. He is stretching his voice and straining with every note. Not a good scene. The judges look completely distressed at what they know is about to happen.
Simon tells him that he doesn’t have a singing voice, so Don looks pleadingly at Britney and says, “Britney?”
She looks devastated as she tells him that his voice isn’t up to the bar that they are looking for on the X Factor.
Don leaves the stage and crumbles saying,”I’m so sorry Britney.” over and over.
Poor Britney. That tore her up.
We take a much needed commercial break and I refill. That was hard to watch.
Just when we all want to curl up with a smoke, a bottle of whisky and a picture of our lost childhoods we meet a little ray of sun.
Jannel Garcia. Jannel likes old rock like Pat Benatar. FUCK OFF KID. I AM NOT OLD ENOUGH FOR MY BELOVED PAT BENATAR TO BE OLD ROCK. Sorry. I had a moment. Any who, I appreciate her humour but can wait to hear whatever bubblegum pop she will be singing. And then she goes and makes me like her. Dammit!
Jannel Garcia – Paris (Ooh La La) by Grace Potter and the Nocternals (FYI love this fucking song)
Diggin’ the fuck outta this kid! She growls, she plays with her sexuality, she holds a note. Finally a good rocker chick on one of these shows. You don’t have to pretend to be a boy to be a rocker chick and this little one knows that. Bravo!! She gets a resounding four YAY!’s and I can’t wait to see what’s up next with her.
Our last audition of the night is a girl named Jillian Jensen. Jillian loves music because it was the only place she had to escape from the horrible bullying that she put up with through middle and high school. I want to write something funny and non afterschool specially here but I can’t. Bullies suck. I was bullied brutally also. And it fucks you up. But some of us find a way out and embrace what the bullies taught us. I thank my bullies every day. They made me the awesome, tough bitch, who has the balls to go toe to toe with anything I see as unjust, that I am today. And I like that about me. I’m not sure that I would be half as successful or awesome as I am now without them. Thanks fucking douchebags! I win. And I hope with everything in me that this little girl kicks fucking ass too.
As it turns out the lovely Miss Demi Lovato was also bullied. Instantly she and Jillian bond. And then Jillian sings…
10 Comments
Ugh. Since I can’t stomach TWO bad singing contest shows in one season, I decided I’ll watch the first one to get its recap. So X-factor it is.
I’m not bitter about it. I kind of like the Simon Cowell character, his queeniness was the best part of Idol after all. And the Voice is, let’s face it, irrelevant.
Let’s face it there are 3 bad singing contests, X-factor, American Idol and The Voice…all are on for reality tv appeal and not really to help the singers.
The editing reminded me of the Hills or something lol
Otherwise I <3 Xfactor and the new judges.
The rocker girl was my absolute favorite of the night.
Great recap!!!
Loved your recap. Look forward to spending the season with you.
@ConfusedInCanada (and who isn’t?) You’re probably right about these shows not wanting to help the singers. And I suppose Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Leona Lewis, JLS, One Direction and Adam Lambert just popped out like an undetected pregnancy in a junior high school locker room -hmmmm.
i loved britney but i dont really like demi as a judge, sounded like she was judging a beauty pageant most of the night telling people they were beautiful, cute, or adorable
I’m not sure why The Voice gets slammed so much around here. It’s miles above Idol or The X-Factor in terms of talent and the judges have the best chemistry out of any panel. The format of the show leaves a lot to be desired but overall I enjoy it significantly more than any other singing competition on TV.
I found the X-Factor premiere to be pretty offensive, overall. The glorification of the judges was to be expected, but the blatant scripted drama and the exploitation of tortured souls (Don Phillips) was simply nauseating. On top of that, even the “good” auditions weren’t anything to write home about. The last audition with the “bullied” girl (that word gets thrown around too often nowadays and it’s nearly lost all meaning) was ridiculously melodramatic and dragged out for far too long.
Side note: Demi Lovato went to my town’s high school and the general consensus from students who knew her was that she had a bitchy, superiority-complex which was why nobody liked her. Being unpopular for having a terrible personality does not translate to “I was bullied.”
I don’t like The Voice for a couple of reasons. The first being that it’s whole concept — that people are chosen based on their voice alone — is bullshit. That takes up an entire five minutes of the season. From there on in, it’s pretty much the same popularity contest as AI or X Factor.
It’s also completely unrealistic to pretend that some 40-year-old schlub has a chance at any kind of professional career.
Which leads me to the Voice’s penchant for stocking its fishpond with ringers — nearly all of the people they feature seem to be professional singers of one form or another. I understand why they do this — the more seasoned types handles the pressure better and put on a better show. But it completely eliminates the whole fantasy of some unknown being picked out of nowhere to achieve fame and fortune.
Which is really the only reason to watch these shows, isn’t it?
But perhaps the worst part of the Voice are the judges — their schtick was cute the first season. It got tiring really really quickly the second season. The only real interest the second season was wondering if and when Xtina’s chest would finally explode.
I was so curious about Brit, I had to tune in. This show made me ill last time around, not sure it will be better this time, but I did find Ms. Spears refreshing with her leathery looking skin. Even Simon was in awe . . . Demi had one good line, “everyone is going to love your new look” to Simon in a really ill-fitting white tee.
I wish someone told the first girl, Mary J is not your jam . . . her voice is much more suited to pop with less range, but I found her adorable, and I liked the stockings. Her daughter was so funny how she looked on in awe, can’t imagine the impression it made on a three year old.
LA is still a pig, sorry, but he is . . . there’s something really sleezy about him and this show.
I was glad the grrrls were there to push through the drag queen bride, it was funny, and you can tell their youngness makes them more hip to something like that. LA and Simon would have never put him through otherwise.
I’ll give it a chance tho, I can’t with the voice . . . just have no interest . . . I’m curious to see which judge will get which group, the ones with Demi wont have a chance, sorry kid, but you’re just too young. They’ll probably give her the over 30′s . . . sigh . . .
How odd that there hasn’t been a whisper about the 5 million dollar winner Leona clone from last year–I heard she was in pop star school, whatever (cough)diet(cough) that is . . .
look forward to more caps, PBD!
Thanks All! Glad to have you all stuck in the cabin watching this with me. Don’t worry. If this plane/show starts going crashing and burning I will save myself. But I promise to write really nice eulogies for all of you. I might even write stuff I mean.
Here’s to hoping for a great season!
Im surprised there isnt more talk about what a train wreck britney is – she looks at least 40, her hair looked terrible, her eyes look crazy, she was eating m-&-m’s during the show while she was talking and made faces throughout the entire show. i am not complaining though – so much better than nicole and paula although paula was always amusing. That whole scene with her former duet partner was painful for everyone. He looks like he might be wearing a britney mask and skin in some basement
I wonder if Simon will get the girls again this year as Britney would be the logical choice. Let simon have the groups…he seems to have the touch with them. What Demi Lovato can teach is anyones guess. Perhaps eyebrow drawing 101. LA Reid is creepy and reminds me of the butler on different strokes…- and if we get another astro this year I wont be surprised as LA thinks thats what america is looking for.
Why do they bother allowing over 30′s anyway – its not like they will give them the prize. And