Well, we'll go out on a limb and wager he'll tape himself up and do whatever it takes to sit at the judge's table for tonight's live finale.
The real question is whether America's got any talent to begin with, since the four finalists for the million dollar first prize (which, as reality blurred informed us, "is actually worth $25,000 a year, or maybe just $375,000") are not exactly up there in the Dat Phan/Taylor Hicks/Bianca Ryan strata.
The finalists (and no, Boy Shakira didn't make it) are:
(left to right, above)
Terry Fator, 42
Cross-imitating crooning ventriloquist from Mesquite, Texas
Julienne Irwin, 14
14-year-old country music singer from Bel Air, Md.
Cas Haley, 26
Overweight, pube-goateed singer-guitarist from Arlington, Texas
Antoinette "Butterscotch" Clinton, 21
Beatboxer who mouth-farted "Summertime", from Davis, Calif.
The special two-hour America's Got Talent finale begins at 8 pm tonight, live on the East Coast.
Our money's on Butterscotch.
Yours?
(The prize is worth less than $1,000,000, according o the fine print, because it's payable in a financial annuity over forty years. Or the contestant can choose the present cash value of the annuity.)