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Etta's mom says the magic words, "He's potty training, he's not potty trained." Now say the next magic phrase, "And he's as terrible two as they come." His shirt has a graphic of one of those sticky nametags with "Hello my name is" on it, and the name? Trouble. These guys are in for one shit-kicking time, and I mean that literally as well as figuratively as we see in an upcoming scene I will only call **spoiler alert** "Poo on the Foot."
If you don't go potty the next time, this is your punishment!
Enjoy the splinters!
Kelly and Austin will be watching after twins Miles and Finn. At least Kelly and Austin had the forethought to get up, shower, and have coffee before taking on the responsibility of taking someone's kids for a few days. Good for you, teens! Personal hygiene is one the first levels of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, just above "breathing" and right below "buying video games." They open the door and say hello and the kids walk right on in. No stranger danger here, kids!
Kelly says, "Oh man!" Oh man indeed. "One was hard, will two be more complicated?" Um. Yes. It actually works geometrically, so two kids is like having four kids, three kids is like having nine kids, and so on and so on until you are a small African country. Plus, these kids, unlike your baby, can actually walk and rest assured it will never be in the same direction. Please, please, please say the magic words parents. SAY THEM!
Daton and Morgan's minivan
"My advice is do anything during the day to exhaust them," the mother says. Like give them Benadryl? Because Austin looks like he could make that trip to the drugstore lickety split.
Over at Sasha and Jordan's house, what looks to be a teen mother herself (I will need the name of your eye cream, lady...call me!) says, "This is Luke. I should start off by saying he's pretty easy to take care of." YES! I love it when things are jinxed like this, because you know this kid is going to be a bloody nightmare for Sasha and Jordan. What the hell, they could use the airtime after last week's success-fest.
"He normally doesn't cry, or anything like that." This kid is going to cry like it ain't no thing, let me tell you that right now. Why does this lady lie? For fun, just like I do. And you do look thin in those jeans, I swear. "He'll go to sleep pretty easily." Crabby's prediction: No one will be sleeping except Crabby's dogs. Which, yes, on last check, they were sound asleep.
The announcer reminds us that the parents can watch from the houses across the street, a.k.a. "Within running distance should anything happen," and the professional nannies are in the house to make sure the teens don't break the kids. Thank goodness for that. I should really take the time to read the nanny blog on their official website, but she's probably being nice instead of dishing on how she's really there to babysit the teens, not the toddlers. Our secret, shhh!
So, let's begin. Sasha and Jordan are hoping this goes as well as last time with the baby, which cues Luke to begin crying, and for some weird reason Jordan closes the curtains on the kitchen window. Are they going to put the smackdown on this kid? Because, uh, well, they should really wait until the cameras stop rolling to do that. Jordan and Sasha handle this by just saying, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey," which makes me cry more than this poor kid. How about talking to the kid instead? Try to find out what is wrong or divert his attention to something?
Yes, hey, hey, hey, isn't that what horses eat? Can we move on?
"Hey, hey, hey," maybe they forgot his name? How embarrassing. The mother is watching and says, "Sasha and Jordan don't know what they are doing, they keep saying hey, hey..." I hear ya! "I don't know if he's even heard that word before." My guess is there are THOUSANDS of words your kid hasn't heard before, so I'm not finding that as compelling an argument as "those teens are morons."