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So all the teens and their toddlers head over the Kelly and Austin's house to play and have Colton's birthday party. All the real parents are in one room watching this debacle with fear and glee - a weird combo normally reserved for boys sneaking peaks at their dad's Playboys and realizing they prefer men.
All of the kids are running around playing in the kiddie pool, hosing each other with water, and basically freaking out like kids do. "Somehow," Kelly interviews, "the party moved to our house and they brought all the kids and mess to our house...they really take advantage of their neighbors just to get out of doing things." Just wait until they ask to borrow the hedge trimmers...good luck getting those back!
One little kid walks by - is it Colton? And Morgan pats his diaper and says, "Look at that load," and truly, it is a dangling load of crap that swings back and forth. Way to smash it into his butt, Morgan.
Swing low, sweet chariot...of poo!
"I don't really think Colton knows it's his birthday, it doesn't feel like it's that big of a celebration," Kelly says. Well, that, and he is two, so he sort of doesn't have the ability to figure things like that out anyway. Colton is sitting at the table in just a diaper (good look), looking at his birthday cake. The other kids are looking around like, "Wow, this party really sucks!" And it does.
The parents watching, particularly Colton's, are all like, "It's a party, how can you tell? There are no decorations, no presents, no fire trucks, no pony." You know, I hate the parents right now because they are making me side with teenagers, and no adult ever wants to do that! But seriously, their kid's birthday was a few days ago. It's over. Move on. Expecting another birthday party just because is sort of rude.
Sasha tries to feed Luke some cake and he turns his head away and whines. I guess he's only good for his mommy? Word to the wise, girl babies - he's a momma's boy! Morgan takes a bite of cake and once again proves how much she needs a lengthy stay at a finishing school. No one wants to play see the food you are chewing WHILE you are chewing it, dumbass. So what we have at the end of the day is mostly naked, sticky from cake, crying toddlers. Where is my Xanax, people?
Morgan is sitting on the couch and yells, "Did you go poop again? YOU DID GO POOP! Come here!" and she grabs Colton by the hair and pulls him over to her while he yelps like a puppy, smells his butt, and yells, "UGH."
Man, you could really use an air freshener down here!
Sean firmly suggests she change it because Colton is jumping up and down on the suede sofa and he doesn't want it dripping down on it. Lesson #459,680 of having kids: You can't have anything nice until they leave the house for good, which is usually never. Then Morgan makes the move du jour, she grabs Colton by the hand and drags his mostly naked body across the carpeting saying "Don't mush it in!" DCFS is not going to like those rug burns! And neither will his parents who freak out watching this. Where the hell are the professional nannies? Probably writing in their diaries.
This is the worst handbag ever!
Colton's dad says, "We're going to have to tell them not to drag him by his arm." Ya think? So Morgan decides to change him on the carpet, smooth move, and here's what she does - moves the dirty diaper out, puts the new one on without wiping him, and viola, diaper done! Kelly is mortified and is looking around at everyone else with her "there is no way that just happened" look which is pretty adorable.
You can just hear the diaper rash developing. It burns!
"She just left the poop on him!" She says. "If I were his parents, I'd be pissed." No worries, you'll have your own pissed parents on your hands in a few scenes. "Morgan is a slacker," she continues. "She lets everyone sort of do her job. Everyone else was cleaning up but her. I was like, can you like, grow up? At all? Please?" Man, even Alicea was pitching in, so you know Morgan is one lazy bitch.