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Newsgasm: The Stepford Bride Edition
- After months of disinterested nonspeculation, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are officially engaged. The wedding is sure to be a pale, gangly affair. [CNN]
- Original Survivor Richard Hatch has been sentenced to 51 months in federal prison for tax evasion. Fortunately, Mr. Hatch is already acquainted with the, uh, "prevailing local customs" of all-male penitentiaries. [AP]
- ABC is massively revamping its fall schedule, introducing more than a dozen new shows, cancelling Invasion, and moving Grey's Anatomy to Thursday nights at 9:00 (against CSI). Nice... I'm up for a rousing Ellen Pompeo-Marg Helgenberger showdown ANYTIME. [AP]
- A brief public service announcement. I love the new TVgasm forums. But people: by now, even saying that saying that the saying "jumped the shark" has jumped the shark has... jumped the shark. I beseech you: please, NO MORE. If you absolutely must, maybe say something like "This show has most certainly o'erleapt the porpoise."
- This weekend a drive-by thief stole a gift basket that Paris Hilton had arranged to be delivered to Kathy Hilton's house for Mother's Day. The basket allegedly contained nearly $10,000 worth of designer shoes, sunglasses, handbags, perfume, and dildos. [AP]
- And finally, everyone's favorite snorkeler David Blaine has announced that his next stunt will be to "live harmoniously among wild beasts... alone in the jungle." Great! Be sure not to let me know how that goes. [NY Post]
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Comments (31)
Noooo! Not Invasion! The season finale was incredibly tense and the suspense was sure to have me tuning in this fall!
Damn it. Seriously. That was one of the best season finales ever. I really need closure on this one.
1 of 31 | Posted by Tabby Lavalamp | Posted on May 17, 2006 4:47 AM
Can you say "Grizzly Man 2"?
2 of 31 | Posted by EdHill | Posted on May 17, 2006 5:29 AM
Did everyone see that President David Palmer was shot again last night? As everyone knows, Palmer didn't really die in 24, he just went into hiding as a squad leader for the Delta Force where he can kick ass like Jack Bauer.
3 of 31 | Posted by nemski | Posted on May 17, 2006 5:42 AM
While we're at it, can we all agree that "I just threw up a little in my mouth" has officially been the most annoying, eye rolling, me killing you, overused statement to ever hop the sperm whale? Please, for the love of all that is sacred and holy, stop saying writing, thinking, doing this disgusting act.
4 of 31 | Posted by Lizardqueen | Posted on May 17, 2006 6:23 AM
Thank you LQ.
5 of 31 | Posted by OD-TV | Posted on May 17, 2006 6:39 AM
With all due respect, saying that saying "jumped the shark" has jumped the shark has jumped the shark.
6 of 31 | Posted by Dave J. | Posted on May 17, 2006 7:03 AM
well dave j, are you jumping the shark by saying what mruv posted verbatim?
smells a bit Chondrichthyes to me.
7 of 31 | Posted by jash | Posted on May 17, 2006 7:11 AM
incidentally, nicole kidman keith ubran rumors have officially MOUNTED THE GREAT WHITE
8 of 31 | Posted by jash | Posted on May 17, 2006 7:12 AM
well dave j, are you jumping the shark by saying what mruv posted verbatim?
I'm too meta for my own good.
9 of 31 | Posted by Dave J. | Posted on May 17, 2006 7:42 AM
Two cents in:
The Apprentice phrase "at the end of the day" has soared over the aquatic beast also.
10 of 31 | Posted by Casey | Posted on May 17, 2006 8:18 AM
Lizardqueen-
yes yes yes- I agree 100%- I am so sick of that term. It isn't original or quirky- just annoying. Same with "Step up"- he better "step up" She is really gonna "step up". We have to "step up".
ugggg- enough already...
11 of 31 | Posted by derder | Posted on May 17, 2006 8:22 AM
david blaine going into the wild jungle is the BEST thing i've heard all week!! if any1 is thinking over there, i hope they don't feed the lions for a few days b4 he goes.
12 of 31 | Posted by Tati | Posted on May 17, 2006 8:39 AM
I find the phrase "Since Day 1" to be especially annoying.
13 of 31 | Posted by Clair | Posted on May 17, 2006 9:21 AM
Bottom Line,
Strategize,
Synergy,
Thirty billion a year industry,
In terms of,
On the same page,
In the same sheet of music,
Oh, Snap!
14 of 31 | Posted by Tony A. | Posted on May 17, 2006 9:33 AM
weapons of mass destruction
24/7
Guys wanna know what you're playing for?
Shazbat
15 of 31 | Posted by Clair | Posted on May 17, 2006 10:18 AM
I've never heard "Shazbat" before. Could I have it used in a sentence please?
16 of 31 | Posted by hardly@work | Posted on May 17, 2006 10:27 AM
Play tough D
Support the troops
Get the W
Step it up
Kick it up a notch
Lizardqueen, you're an asshole
All of these. They have leapfrogged the orca and are banished from the TVgasm lexicon
17 of 31 | Posted by Lizardqueen | Posted on May 17, 2006 10:29 AM
hardly@work, i believe the context you're looking for is...
"...gee mindy, how in orson's name could anyone possibly guess that my egg-shaped body of work would actually include such theatrical gems as 'dead poets society' and 'good will hunting,' seeing as how i'm currently sporting rainbow suspenders and ranting like a homicidal schizophrenic?"
18 of 31 | Posted by k37744 | Posted on May 17, 2006 11:05 AM
Mork: "I just dropped this anvil on my toe. Shazbat!!"
19 of 31 | Posted by Clair | Posted on May 17, 2006 11:06 AM
hmmm, i didn't actually use "shazbot" in a sentence there did i?
consider the chum tossed.
20 of 31 | Posted by k37744 | Posted on May 17, 2006 11:07 AM
Oh Oh I just read someone doesn't like 24/7- I'll own it- I use that one all the time. Hmmm- guess I will have to "step up" and find a different way to say that one.
21 of 31 | Posted by derder | Posted on May 17, 2006 11:08 AM
ok- its a substitue for 4 letter words, I believe my tv viewing was limited to PBS during the mork and mindy days.
22 of 31 | Posted by hardly@work | Posted on May 17, 2006 11:23 AM
So my short term memory is pretty non-existent (cough, cough) so I can't remember, was last week the season/show finale for Invasion?
23 of 31 | Posted by hardly@work | Posted on May 17, 2006 11:27 AM
#23 Hardly-
No last week was not the finale....i think this week is....
I am very upset that Invasion was cancelled. I thought it was well played and a riotous romp!!!
Hopefully the rumours are true that the new "CW" is going to pick it up....
24 of 31 | Posted by james_woods_rules | Posted on May 17, 2006 12:00 PM
I concurr that "threw up a little in my mouth" is over.
Another one I'd like to see go is "as the end of the day" or "All we can do" as uttered by Merdith Grey or Mary Alice. Anyone else is fine. I'm just tired of their overarching conclusions of nothingness.
25 of 31 | Posted by Leah3t | Posted on May 17, 2006 1:42 PM
Wow..Hatch got 4.25 years. Ouch. He was such an arrogant fuck, I'm glad he got busted. Survivor Sue (season 1) must be doing a jig of glee!
KH
26 of 31 | Posted by KatiesHole | Posted on May 17, 2006 3:48 PM
Hatch upon hearing his sentence - "I've been BAMBOOZLED."
hb
27 of 31 | Posted by HoneyBunny | Posted on May 17, 2006 4:17 PM
A pale, gangly affair. m-ruv, you so funny.
28 of 31 | Posted by tvtvtv | Posted on May 17, 2006 5:08 PM
I've been hearing a lot of "it is what it is." We could lose that one too.
29 of 31 | Posted by ATCmurph | Posted on May 17, 2006 7:43 PM
I wonder how many cameramen will be around to record Blaine's life "in the jungle". I SO hope he gets eaten. That would give me multiple TVgasms!
30 of 31 | Posted by zoobabe | Posted on May 17, 2006 8:06 PM
Oh that would be so great Zoobabe.
31 of 31 | Posted by Vasha | Posted on May 18, 2006 11:15 AM