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Newsgasm: Turns Out Tom Cruise Is Really Connected Edition
- Tom Cruise continues to reel from Sumner Redstone's public smackdown, but the good news is that his company, Cruise/Wagner, has secured $100 million from private equity firms. The money will be used to fund future projects and/or fake babies. [NY Daily News]
- In case you haven't heard yet, the upcoming season of Survivor will divide tribes on racial lines. Rumor has it that the castaways will intersect with each other in convenient and stagey ways, learning simplistic lessons about their prejudices all along the way. In other news, Survivor has already won the Oscar for Best Picture. [NY Times]
- And also check out this South Park-ization of Survivor. [Defamer]
- You may think Kevin Federline is stupid, but his GED scores would have you saying otherwise. The aspiring rapper tells GQ "I actually got amazing-ass scores." His spirits were later dampened when he realized the high school equivalency exam he had taken was actually just a word scramble on the back of a Cheerios box. [NY Daily News]
- Great news! After George Clooney visited Darfur last month, he totally thought he had malaria, but guess what? It was just food poisoning from the return flight! Read all about this and more in Things About George Clooney You Don't Really Care About Quarterly. [NY Post]
- Due to budget cutbacks, Saturday Night Live will be dropping several cast members this season. Rumors have it that Chris Parnell, Kenan Thompson, and Horatio Sanz are all on the outs. On the plus side, now they can look forward to lucrative careers appearing in a few movies and then pretty much disappearing forever. [E! Online]
- Stop the presses! Horatio Sanz says he's still on the show! And so the era of unrehearsed, sloppy performances continues! [Zap2it]
- And in sad news, beloved galactic underdog Pluto has been dropped from the solar system. A source close to the former planet says that Sumner Redstone did not approve of its off-Hubble-Telescope behavior. [AP]
Comments (20)
Tom Cruise is an idiot. I should've never started that feud with Brooke Shields. I think Katie should leave him and let him go bankrupt.
1 of 20 | Posted by LagunaBeached | Posted on August 24, 2006 12:57 PM
err I meant "HE" should've never started that fight with Brooke Shields
2 of 20 | Posted by LagunaBeached | Posted on August 24, 2006 12:59 PM
What is Mark's Very Extravagant Mother going to Just Send Us Now?
3 of 20 | Posted by boomersmommy | Posted on August 24, 2006 1:00 PM
Word, boomersmommy. I'm pretty upset about this. My very excellent mother just sent us nectarines. I've heard that there are 3 others contending for planet status, so we may have to come up with some new tricks.
4 of 20 | Posted by Lizardqueen | Posted on August 24, 2006 1:12 PM
Let's see..if they decide on Xena, she could send us Xylophones.
5 of 20 | Posted by boomersmommy | Posted on August 24, 2006 1:23 PM
Why in the world are they letting an actor who was on "The Naked Truth" for two seasons compete on Survivor? Can we expect to see Dan Cortese on next year's Big Brother?
6 of 20 | Posted by WhosYourPapi | Posted on August 24, 2006 1:40 PM
"In case you haven't heard yet, the upcoming season of Survivor will divide tribes on racial lines. Rumor has it that the castaways will intersect with each other in convenient and stagey ways, learning simplistic lessons about their prejudices all along the way. In other news, Survivor has already won the Oscar for Best Picture."
This is what happens when Crash wins Best Picture.
7 of 20 | Posted by mizta | Posted on August 24, 2006 1:42 PM
WhosYourPapi: If I counted correctly, at least six of the new Survivor castaways have SOME connection to showbiz. What's your beef with the guy who was on The Naked Truth? Seems he's been in other shows, too, including CSI, which I watch religiously, yet don't remember EVER seeing. Must be a bit player or extra.
Are you afraid of CBS giving this guy some unfair advantage over the others? If so, what would that be? Don't really see the difference in his being on the show as compared to the others.
8 of 20 | Posted by boomersmommy | Posted on August 24, 2006 2:03 PM
They're keeping HORATIO SANZ. Jesus Christ. What SNL really needs to do is an entire cast overhaul in which they fire everyone except Andy Samberg. That way, Amy Poehler can go back to doing the funny, edgy, dark stuff she's good at.
9 of 20 | Posted by maybeimamazed02 | Posted on August 24, 2006 4:08 PM
Better yet, just cancel the damned show already and put it (and us) out of our misery.
10 of 20 | Posted by Ubiquitous | Posted on August 25, 2006 3:08 AM
SNL is like the tide, it fluctuates. Only, the moon isn't in charge of SNL's fluctuations...Lorne Michaels is.
The Survivor thing is ridiculous. Fame-hungry attention whores are all the same, even if they have different pigmentation. No need to separate them based on that.
11 of 20 | Posted by MissKatrina | Posted on August 25, 2006 7:12 AM
Concerning the new Survivor angle...uhh, where's the NATIVE AMERICAN tribe?!?
12 of 20 | Posted by boomersmommy | Posted on August 25, 2006 7:42 AM
As long as there is fighting, backstabbing and lying to each others' faces, do we really give a damn who is on Survivor or how they are divided into tribes? Unless it's the Crips and the Bloods or the Israelis and the Hezbollah, what difference does it make?
As far as SNL is concerned, they should fire every last person on the show and burn that studio to the ground. Then Lorne Michaels can spend the rest of his life sitting in his exhibit at the Museum of Television.
13 of 20 | Posted by Sweet_Mullet | Posted on August 25, 2006 9:03 AM
All the Survivor tribes need is a lock-in at the rec center. It always works. I mean, come on!
14 of 20 | Posted by maybeimamazed02 | Posted on August 25, 2006 11:39 AM
is that a picture of tom cruise getting a facial?
15 of 20 | Posted by umnata | Posted on August 25, 2006 1:21 PM
I'd be willing to buy K-Fed's cd only if all the proceeds went towards his vasectomy.
16 of 20 | Posted by tvaholic | Posted on August 25, 2006 2:51 PM
Why is there so much news coverage of this Tom Cruise nonsense? He is the most over rated actor in the history of motion pictures. Forget his lunacy, look at his work, it sucks. He plays the same character over and over. I started to hate him right after that awful piece of shit, "jerry maguire". What crap. He's crap. Go away forever Tom!
KH
17 of 20 | Posted by KatiesHole | Posted on August 25, 2006 4:07 PM
18 of 20 | Posted by Ubiquitous | Posted on August 28, 2006 9:34 AM
19 of 20 | Posted by Ubiquitous | Posted on August 28, 2006 9:36 AM
No, just an embarassing PDA with Water Bottle...
20 of 20 | Posted by Ubiquitous | Posted on August 28, 2006 9:37 AM