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Paul Walker and Vinnie get to hang out and find out they have a lot in common, like clown cars and running away from the cops, and oh being in jail. So our two leads are having a moment, when fate intervenes. That is to say, a bunch of Asian guys with machineguns show up on motorcycles.
The guys end up pulling into this place with a big statue of Confucius, and we find out the Asian guys are Vietnamese cousins named Johnny and Lance. If Johnny had been in Dances With Wolfs his Indian name would have been Waxes His Eyebrows, and Lance has very dysfunctional relationship with snakeskin pants. (He loves them, but no love is ever coming back to him). It turns out these guys have some issues with Vinnie. The Big VD says it has to do with a business deal gone bad and Vin sleeping with somebody's sister, but I'm thinking that given Lance's love of pleather as a pants fabric, somebody got turned away at the velvet rope at least one time.
The cousins make like they are just going to scare Vinnie and Paul Walker but then they come back and machinegun Paul Walker's clown car, which technically he lost to Vin Diesel in that drag race, but you know nobody's filled out the paperwork yet: oh look, a fireball! The clown car bursts into flames, and because it's full of laughing gas, it makes with a nice little fireball. And with that, Paul Walker and Vin Diesel are hoofing it again.
The guys end up getting a cab back to Vin Diesel's place and Vin Diesel invites Paul Walker inside. When they go in they find out all of Vin Diesel's friends are there and they've responded the way any normal people would if Vinnie went missing for four hours and/or may have been arrested by the cops. They are throwing a humungous party.
Vin Diesel is a little ticked, and rightly so. He gathers up everyone's beer and offers Paul Walker his choice because he's his new bestest buddy. Paul Walker is a little taken back by this offer to drink somebody else's half drank beer, but cheer up Paul Walker, it could be worse. If Vinnie had really liked you he would have regurgitated food into your mouth like you were a baby bird.
Paul Walker takes Wristy McDouche's beer which doesn't do anything to move him up on Wristy McDouche's Christmas card list, and then Jordana Brewster shows up. It took her a while because she had to fix her hair first, sadly the word "bangs" never entered her mind. She and Paul Walker flirt a little bit, then Wristy McDouche comes over and Jordana Brewster offers Paul Walker a ride home.
It's the next day and Paul Walker is just driving down the street minding his own business, when he gets pulled over and arrested by the cops. Yet another example of the way the man is always hassling blond blue eyed white guys.
The cops take Paul Walker to the fancy house in the Hollywood Hills, and it turns out Paul Walker is a cop too. Not only is Paul Walker a cop, he's a gritty undercover cop. Why are you laughing?
Okay, I'm laughing too. Don't get me wrong, if I ever needed to send an undercover cop into the Osmonds, Paul Walker would be right up at the top of my list, and I think if you needed to get deep intel on Calvin Cline underwear models, Paul Walker would be your go to guy. But to send him undercover into the urban underground street racing scene? Err, not so much.
Whatever, Paul Walker is a cop and he's here to meet with the bigwigs. His boss is Ted Levine, who is the Captain on Monk, where he is very likeable. Unfortunately Ted Levine was Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs, so he's pretty much going to creep me out for the rest of my life. Ted seems to be a pretty good boss in this movie which just goes to prove my Ted Levine theory, that he's a pretty good guy as long as he's not trying to make a suit out of human skin.
Comments (6)
I think your movie reviews are some of the funniest stuff on TVgasm. That's why I keep posting here.
Just love 'em.
1 of 6 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 22, 2009 8:23 PM
WaffleBoy, I LOVE your takes on these movies! I haven't even thought about this movie in a long long time, but you brought back the fun of it along with pointing out how ludicrous the whole thing was.
You've made me actually want to watch it again, which I never thought would happen!
I can't wait to see which movie you tackle next!
SWAK, PottyMouth
2 of 6 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on June 23, 2009 6:14 AM
I have only four words.
Be.
You.
Tea.
Full.
We must think of collaborating sometime, I think our combined powers could be quite formidable. Maybe we can go by the name WaffleMo?
Think about it.
love, J-Mo :)
3 of 6 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on June 23, 2009 2:00 PM
Your movie reviews are priceless. Absolute genius, I tell you! I demand more. They make my day when I randomly remember to check the news feed for them.
P.S. I liked this movie better when it was called Point Break.
4 of 6 | Posted by themiki | Posted on June 24, 2009 6:45 AM
Hi pixielated,
thanks for the compliment and the comments. Reader feedback is the only sort of payoff we get for writing here. Although Flipit recently mentioned if I started waxing his car I would be eligible for magic beans. (Note to self, google magic bean recipes online tonight)
PottyMouth,
a big swak right back to you. I'm glad you like the posts and if they make you think about giving these movies another peek, so much the better. I know what with me making snide comments about the sizes of actors noggins you might not be able to see it, but I really do enjoy every movie I write about. Thanks!
J-Mo,
you PHEEEEE-nominal human being you! Collaberating sounds like a lot of fun. I just have to find the time now, because I'm doing recaps for True Blood now too. But I will email you soon. Love right back buddy.
themiki,
Thanks for the complements and trust me as long as they keep letting me post these things I'll keep writing them. The last couple of weeks have been a total blast.
As for Point Break and The Fast and the Furious being the same movie, they are very, very similar except for one important difference. In The Fast and The Furious there are cars and in Point Break there are surfboards. Or to put it in a simple way that I can understand, The Fast and the Furious has wheels and Point Break doesn't. Still thanks for bringing up the comparison because I think I'm going to start referring to Paul Walker as the Blond Keanu from now on.
Thanks for stopping by!
5 of 6 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on June 25, 2009 7:17 PM
this movie was really cool and isn't crap at all. it's good because the car scenes aren't cgi. it's all real. the car really did go under the 18-wheeler while it was moving -- they just modified the truck so there was more room under it. and i play the video game too!
6 of 6 | Posted by gossipygirl | Posted on June 30, 2009 4:50 PM