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Too bad for Paul Walker Ted Levine isn't the big boss, that guy is some big boned FBI agent who seems really crabby. Judging by his build I'm saying he's two weeks into Jenny Craig and ready to eat the family cat. The FBI agent reminds Paul Walker that they want to catch whoever has been hijacking trucks in LA and they need to do it right away. Then he asks if Ted Levine is going to eat the other half of his muffin.
Paul Walker heads back to Vin Diesel and shows up with this bombed out car to take the place of the one that got blown up last night. Sure it will take a lot of work for it to actually, you know, move, but that gives Paul Walker to perfect opportunity to get into Vin Diesel's gang and Jordana Brewster's pants.
Say what you want about Paul Walker in this movie, the guy works like Santa's little elves. He's doing his undercover gig with the big VD, fixing up his new clown car, and he works in an auto parts store. Fun fact, check out the deleted scene where Paul Walker delivers newspapers on a BMX bike.
Anyway, this really nice Mexican guy who's kind of Paul Walker's friend comes into the store and wants to buy a whole mess of fancy schmancy racing parts. Oh and the Mexican guy wants to pay cash, which makes Paul Walker immediately suspicious.
So late one night Paul Walker gets all Charlie's Angels on our ass and breaks into the nice Mexican guy's garage. Too bad for Paul Walker the nice Mexican guy is totally on the up and up. Paul Walker is pretty disappointed because he still has no idea who the bad guys are, and when he leaves the building some bad guy smacks him in the face with a shotgun.
It's Wristy McDouche. It turns out he and Vin Diesel were following Paul Walker around and want to have a little talk now. Vin Diesel is pretty reasonable, and wants to know why Paul Walker is breaking into garages. Paul Walker gives Vinnie a sob story about how he needs to win at these big races coming up so he can pay off Vin Diesel. Wristy McDouche doesn't buy this for a second, but Vin Diesel thinks Paul Walker is telling the truth. Do you know how bad a situation has to get for the guy who looks like he wandered away from an exhibit at the Museum of Natural History to be the smartest guy in the room? Well I guess you don't need a MENSA card to check a guest list in front of a nightclub.
Vinnie not only buys Paul Walker's story, he decides they should break into Johnny Trang's garage to see what those guys have under the hood. When they get there Paul Walker finds a whole bunch of TV's and DVD players, just like the ones that got stolen at the beginning of the movie. Not only that, but Waxes His Eyebrows and Pleather Pants show up and start smacking a fence around. Wow do these guys look really guilty to you too?
Well they sure as poop look really guilty to the big boned FBI guy because he wants to arrest them right now and go for a Grand Slam Breakfast at Denny's afterwards as a treat. Paul Walker points out that they don't have any actual evidence yet and that for that he needs more time. The big boned FBI guy is pretty ticked, because he's getting sick of two pieces of dry toast and half an apple for breakfast every morning, but he ends up going along with this because otherwise we only have an 80 minute movie.
So Paul Walker heads out and gets serious about going undercover. Well he takes Unibrow out to dinner, lets her drive his car and then they head back to his place to start making the sweet, sweet love. This is why Paul Walker is in bed with Jordana Brewster when Ted Levine calls up to tell them the hijackers have struck again, and the big boned FBI guy is totally ready to go off his diet, so they will be arresting Waxy and Pleather Pants tomorrow.
Comments (6)
I think your movie reviews are some of the funniest stuff on TVgasm. That's why I keep posting here.
Just love 'em.
1 of 6 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 22, 2009 8:23 PM
WaffleBoy, I LOVE your takes on these movies! I haven't even thought about this movie in a long long time, but you brought back the fun of it along with pointing out how ludicrous the whole thing was.
You've made me actually want to watch it again, which I never thought would happen!
I can't wait to see which movie you tackle next!
SWAK, PottyMouth
2 of 6 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on June 23, 2009 6:14 AM
I have only four words.
Be.
You.
Tea.
Full.
We must think of collaborating sometime, I think our combined powers could be quite formidable. Maybe we can go by the name WaffleMo?
Think about it.
love, J-Mo :)
3 of 6 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on June 23, 2009 2:00 PM
Your movie reviews are priceless. Absolute genius, I tell you! I demand more. They make my day when I randomly remember to check the news feed for them.
P.S. I liked this movie better when it was called Point Break.
4 of 6 | Posted by themiki | Posted on June 24, 2009 6:45 AM
Hi pixielated,
thanks for the compliment and the comments. Reader feedback is the only sort of payoff we get for writing here. Although Flipit recently mentioned if I started waxing his car I would be eligible for magic beans. (Note to self, google magic bean recipes online tonight)
PottyMouth,
a big swak right back to you. I'm glad you like the posts and if they make you think about giving these movies another peek, so much the better. I know what with me making snide comments about the sizes of actors noggins you might not be able to see it, but I really do enjoy every movie I write about. Thanks!
J-Mo,
you PHEEEEE-nominal human being you! Collaberating sounds like a lot of fun. I just have to find the time now, because I'm doing recaps for True Blood now too. But I will email you soon. Love right back buddy.
themiki,
Thanks for the complements and trust me as long as they keep letting me post these things I'll keep writing them. The last couple of weeks have been a total blast.
As for Point Break and The Fast and the Furious being the same movie, they are very, very similar except for one important difference. In The Fast and The Furious there are cars and in Point Break there are surfboards. Or to put it in a simple way that I can understand, The Fast and the Furious has wheels and Point Break doesn't. Still thanks for bringing up the comparison because I think I'm going to start referring to Paul Walker as the Blond Keanu from now on.
Thanks for stopping by!
5 of 6 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on June 25, 2009 7:17 PM
this movie was really cool and isn't crap at all. it's good because the car scenes aren't cgi. it's all real. the car really did go under the 18-wheeler while it was moving -- they just modified the truck so there was more room under it. and i play the video game too!
6 of 6 | Posted by gossipygirl | Posted on June 30, 2009 4:50 PM